Feed Me
by Lazarus76
Summary: Arthur and Ariadne are a couple...she's showing signs of a disturbing fetish. A romance for anyone who has ever been fed up with love.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. All readers and reviews appreciated, thank you!**

Cobb looked up as Arthur breezed into the office. Ever since he had finally, blushingly, worked up the courage to ask Ariadne out for a date, his general demeanour had been far more relaxed around the Warehouse. He smiled more. He was less obsessive about his work.

In fact, Cobb thought, he was actually more pleasant.

"Morning!" Arthur smiled at the Extractor.

"You seem happy," Cobb commented.

"Well, I saw Ari last night…she cooked for me. It made me feel special." Cobb could understand. A diet of microwaveable ready meals were a depressing reminder of a single status. "She is a really fantastic cook."

"Glad you enjoyed it," Cobb turned back to his files.

"Oh, she's doing it for me again tonight!"

Cobb raised his eyebrows. "She must really like you, Arthur!"

The Point Man smiled. At that point, the Architect walked in, brandishing a box. "Doughnuts?" She went straight to Arthur with them.

"Hmmm? Oh, yes, just there please, I'll pass them round when I've selected one."

"I wouldn't eat too many," Cobb commented. "You won't eat your dinner later."

The Point Man blushed, as did Ariadne. Cobb smiled. They were so sweet together. And it wouldn't hurt Arthur to put on a few pounds.

A couple of weeks later, Eames walked past Arthur, and grinned at him.

"Shrink in the hot wash, did it?"

Arthur didn't look up from the file. "What?"

Eames nodded at him. "Your suit. Its looking a bit…tight."

Arthur scowled, his face reddening. "Its old. You know how your waist gets thicker when you're older."

Eames shrugged. "Funny. I thought you bought that one a few weeks ago." Arthur looked down. His suit was straining slightly at the waist. "Don't worry darling, I'm sure I can find you a safety pin!"

Scowling, Arthur leaned back over the files. One hand reached out for a doughnut. Eames, chuckling, shook his head.

"You really don't need to scrape the plate, Artie."

Cobb coughed and reached for his wine. Eames was looking at the Point Man, who trying to get every last crumb of cheesecake off his plate. Ariadne smiled serenely and sipped her wine.

"You're right Eames." He swallowed his mouthful. "I'll just order another slice."

Eames and Cobb exchanged looks.

"Don't you feed him at home?" Eames asked jovially.

Arthur glared. "Of course she does. Just because I'm thin doesn't mean I dislike food."

Eames and Cobb raised their eyebrows. Whatever adjective could be used for the Point Man's physique, thin was no longer one of them.

A week later, Cobb spoke to the Point Man.

"Art? Could you get me the file on Philips – its in the bottom of the filing cabinet."

Arthur got up, and bent down. The sound of tearing fabric echoed through the warehouse.

The Point Man went scarlet. Eames bit back laughter. "Oh dear," he spoke, "looks like his relationship is putting weight on our pretty boy!"

"What?" Arthur sounded outraged.

"Come off it, Arthur," Eames grinned. "You eat doughnuts she brings you all the time, Ariadne cooks for you every night, she never objects to you having two desserts – you're going out with a feeder! And frankly, its now 10lbs later, and its starting to show!"

Arthur looked flabbergasted. Cobb tried to keep a straight face.

"Ariadne is not a feeder!" Arthur sounded disgusted. "She just likes to-"

"Feed you?" Eames finished.

"Cook for me," Arthur said, lamely. "Look, putting on a few pounds can be a sign of contentment."

"More a sign you've been stuffing your face!" The Forger grinned.

"Oh, don't worry about it pet," Eames said kindly. "I'm sure she likes having more of you to love." Arthur glared at him.

"Actually Eames," Ariadne walked in, "it means he's less likely to run away!" She pulled Arthur towards her, and kissed him.

"Oh for God's sake," muttered Eames, "why am I the one whose going to get diabetes?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

Arthur blinked, and rubbed his eyes. That didn't make sense.

The scale flashed its red numbers back up at him – _150lb_.

150lb! Arthur's jaw sagged slightly. Not possible. It defied the laws of physics. Last time he'd weighed himself, he'd been 140lbs. Possibly 138lb.

Eames had said he'd looked 10lbs heavier. He'd dismissed it as the Forger being rude, as usual, and making comments that weren't wanted. But now he thought about it – his suits had been feeling a little tighter, and then there was the incident yesterday…

Arthur pulled his bathrobe around himself. He suddenly felt a new resolve. Over the last six weeks, Ariadne had cooked him gorgeous meals, and insisted he finish every mouthful. She'd brought him doughnuts, and, he thought guiltily, double dutch chocolate ice cream. He'd eaten it, not giving a thought to it. His metabolism was fast, and he was sure he burned calories through nervous energy and stress.

But…the scales were telling a different story. He clearly needed to eat less junk, less fattening food, and the 10lbs would disappear.

He headed for the bedroom. Ariadne was lying there, on her side. He got in, and curled up next to her. She immediately turned over, and cuddled against his chest.

"Mmmm…" She rubbed up against him. "You feel so good. Keeping me warm."

Arthur felt himself relax. Suddenly, those 10lbs didn't seem to matter…

…Then he had a sudden thought. Of course they mattered! Unless he wanted to start having to buy more suits, in bigger sizes, and be humiliated by Eames for the rest of his life, he had to start living more healthily again.

More salad. He thought. More cottage cheese. More vegetables.

He looked down at Ari. She'd understand. She wouldn't want him fat. He kissed the top of her head, deciding that his weight loss would make him more attractive to her.

* * *

"Would you mind chewing more quietly?"

Arthur looked up, and glared. Eames was smiling at him. "Excuse me?"

"Chew more quietly, Arthur. I could probably be in Mongolia and hear you crunching that biscuit."

Arthur swallowed. "Its not a biscuit. Its celery."

"Celery?" The Forger looked astonished. Then he started to grin. "Wait a minute – you're on a _diet!"_

"No, I am not on a diet." Arthur tried to speak calmly. "I'm merely trying to-"

"Lose weight?" Eames was grinning like a cheshire cat. "Get rid of that 10lbs that seems to have settled round your middle? Realised you've started to fill in, and spill out?"

Arthur's face reddened. "Look,everyone starts to gain weight when they approach 30, Eames, I'm sure you did-"

"As a matter of fact, I didn't." The Forger interrupted. "But then, I've never had a girlfriend who tried to stuff me like a turkey."

"Ari did not stuff me like a turkey!" Arthur could feel his face flaming scarlet. "She just – liked to cook for me, that's all!"

"Yes, and bring you doughnuts…and cake…and pout if you didn't finish your dinner." Eames was laughing so hard he was practically falling out of his chair. "Arthur, darling, you've been going out with a feeder. Good thing you weighed yourself – another six months and she'd probably be selling photos of you to internet sites!"

Arthur grabbed another celery stick. He put it in his mouth and grimaced.

"Close your eyes," Eames counselled. "Pretend its chocolate!"

Arthur coughed.

* * *

"I'll have…um…just a small steak. And salad, no dressing." Arthur folded his menu and handed it to the waiter. Ariadne looked taken aback.

"Are you sure that's enough food for you?" She asked, timidly.

"Yes," he lied, feeling his stomach growl in protest. "I had a…large lunch."

"No, you didn't!" She looked at him. "You had celery and cottage cheese, that's all! You need to eat more Arthur, otherwise you'll waste away!"

Arthur blinked, feeling his waistband tight against his stomach. "Ari. I am 10lbs heavier since I started going out with you. I really don't think I'm going to waste away!"

She pouted. Tears suddenly came to her eyes.

"I care about you, Arthur," she leaned forward and cupped his hand. "You got so thin during the Fischer job, I was really worried about you! And, well, there's nothing wrong with having something to hold onto at night either-"

Arthur's face went scarlet.

"I take it you prefer me a bit more…" His voice trailed off. "But, I like having a runner's physique. I'm not a waif!"

She sniffled, pulling out a handkerchief.

"I'm just worried you'll collapse one day from being undernourished, that's all! Don't make me feel bad for worrying about you!"

"Oh, ok, ok", Arthur spoke soothingly. "I promise I'll share dessert with you, please don't get upset."

They didn't share dessert. Ariadne insisted he had his triple chocolate mousse all to himself.

* * *

Arthur went into work the next day, feeling slightly sick.

Eames was sitting at his desk.

"Good date last night?"

"Yes, thank you." His eyes looked at a coloured brochure on his desk. "Whats this?"

"Oh, its for WeightWatchers." Eames spoke dismissively. "Thought you could do with some moral support."

Arthur's face went red. "I don't need Weightwatchers! I just need-"

He broke off. Ariadne had appeared. Carrying a box of doughnuts.

"I thought you could do with one of these," she leaned in and kissed him. "After all, you ate the mousse last night, you've clearly got your appetite back!"

Arthur was speechless. Eames choked.

"-a new girlfriend." Eames supplied helpfully. "But don't worry Artie, I know where we can get reinforced furniture…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me, all readers and reviews appreciated. Pure crack, enjoy!**

He weighed himself.

The numbers flashed…and settled on 148lbs.

2lbs! Arthur felt elated. He had lost two pounds!

He got off the scale. Heading into the bedroom, he hummed as he pulled out a black suit, and as he pulled it up, noted it wasn't quite as snug as the previous week. Wrestling into the jacket, he grabbed his briefcase, and headed for the warehouse.

As he walked in, Eames was sitting at his desk. He looked up as the Point Man strode in.

"You seem happy," Eames commented. "Did she bake you a double chocolate fudge cake last night and insist you ate it all?"

Arthur scowled. "No. I've lost 2lbs, for your information."

"Oh, God!" Eames rolled his eyes. "You're turning into one of them!"

"One of what?"

"Diet neurotics. People who feel the need to share every little detail of their weight and weight loss with others. People who look for congratulations on making their bodies disappear. I've been out with several, it gets very tedious. Be careful – Ariadne will start shoving doughnuts in your mouth to get you to be quiet!"

Arthur glared at the Forger. "Ari is NOT trying to fatten me up, Eames! She liked to cook, I got lazy, and got a bit…

"fatter, yes, we noticed!"

Arthur glared at him. "But that's all! Plus, as I said before, sometimes contentment can lead to weight gain."

"Yes. And so can eating everything your girlfriend brings you." The Forger winked as Arthur bristled. "Seriously, Artie, Feederism is a recognised fetish. Feeders are characterised by the fact they get pleasure out of watching the object of their affections eat, and put weight on. There have been cases of feeders making their feedees grow to up to 700lbs, and become housebound."

"Eames. You're really sick, you know that? Ari is very supportive of my weight loss, and I know that she accepts it. Shut up."

Eames raised his eyebrows. "Look behind you."

Arthur turned. The Architect was entering the room, carrying a large Coffee and Walnut cake. Arthur began to salivate. Eames was grinning.

"Hi," she said shyly. "Thought you might like a snack."

Arthur swallowed. "Um..I'm really not hungry this morning. Filling breakfast." His stomach growled at this – the half a grapefruit and green tea he'd consumed that morning had been healthy but hardly filling.

"Oh." Ariadne's face fell. "I made this for you!"

"Tell you what," Eames broke in, "why don't you leave it here, and we'll help ourselves later. I'm never one to turn down a beautiful woman offering me cake. But Arthur's on a diet, so I may eat it all."

Arthur went scarlet. Ariadne's mouth dropped open.

"You're on a _diet?" _

Arthur nodded, dumbly.

"Arthur, you don't need to diet! You're too thin already! You'll end up anorexic, or hospitalised, and ill!" Tears were beginning to form in her eyes; several escaped and rolled down her cheeks. "I'm worried about you, Arthur! You need to eat more! I don't want you to take me home to your parents and have your mother think I starve you!"

Eames made a sound that he hurriedly turned into a long cough. Arthur was speechless.

"Ari, I am not going to end up anorexic or in hospital." He spoke calmly. "I've gained some weight, I don't feel very comfortable, and just want to lose it. That's all."

"But you don't need to!" Her voice was beginning to break. "You need more meat on your bones!"

"Ari," Eames spoke up, "I've seen less meat on a barbecue than on Arthur at present!"

"Eames!" Arthur glared at him. He looked at the Architect and his resolve melted. "Listen, I'll have a slice of cake. But just a small slice, ok?"

She beamed, and dug the knife in. Arthur's eyes widened when she slapped a piece on a plate that was easily five inches thick. He choked slightly.

"Enjoy!" She smiled, and walked out.

Eames was choking with laughter. Arthur shot him a look of pure venom.

"Thanks Eames, thanks a lot!"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry just yet," the Forger gasped, wiping his eyes. "Its when she insists you go to all-you-can-eat buffets, starts slipping weight gain powder in your drinks, and starts buying you clothes in bigger and bigger sizes you really need to worry! And she has got a point - you don't want your mother thinking your girlfriend doesn't love and nurture you, do you?"

"My girlfriend loves and nurtures me Eames-"

"Indeed she does. As that spare tyre round you waist indicates."

Arthur glowered and dug a fork into the slice of cake. Eames winked. "Don't eat it all at once…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

Arthur sat at his desk, groaning softly. His stomach felt as though it needed to be pumped.

"You ok?" Cobb passed by, a look of concern on his face.

Arthur smiled tightly and reached for a glass of water. "I'll be fine."

Ariadne had stayed over the previous night. He'd got out of going to dinner with her claiming he had to work late, so instead of going to an Italian restaurant for Calzone, he instead had gone home, eaten a Cottage Cheese salad, and done a 100 stomach crunches. He'd got ready for bed, feeling virtuous, until the doorbell to his apartment had rung.

It was Ariadne. And he hadn't the heart to turn her away.

He'd woken up in the morning to find her gone. He'd turned, then sniffed the air. He could smell something delicious. Pancakes.

Arthur's salivary glands began to overwork. Getting out of bed, he reached for his bathrobe, and headed for the kitchen. Ariadne was standing at the stove. She turned and smiled.

"Morning! Here you go!"

Arthur's jaw dropped. A plate with five pancakes was presented to him, drenched with maple syrup. He choked slightly.

"Ari, you didn't have to do this," he protested. "I was going to have fruit and yoghurt for breakfast…" his voice trailed off as she caught his eye.

"Arthur." Ariadne's voice was soft but deadly. "You only ever eat fruit and salad. You're losing weight, and I'm worried about you. Its not healthy! You need to eat more, before you end up as skin and bones! Don't you remember how skinny you were after the Fischer job?"

Arthur swallowed. "Ari, I'm losing weight because I gained it. In the first six weeks we were together, I put on 10lbs! Do you want to date a fatass?"

"I'd rather date a fatass than a skeleton." She gestured with the spatula to the pancakes.

Feeling pinned, Arthur pulled out a chair, and sat down. He cut into the stack of pancakes, and put the first forkful in his mouth.

Heaven. It practically melted in a wave of sweetness. He had another forkful. Then another. Before he realised, his plate was empty.

Arthur's jaw dropped. He'd eaten the whole stack? Feeling slightly sick, he sipped at his coffee, before deciding to go and get dressed. His stomach had pulled against his shirt and suit, and feeling decidedly heavy, he went to work.

Now he was sitting in work, feeling stuffed to the gills. Eames approached. "Hey up."

"Oh," moaned Arthur. "God."

"Whats wrong?"

"Ari cooked me breakfast. Pancakes." He groaned again. "I think I'm going to explode."

The Forger looked at him, grinning. "Face it, Artie. No matter how much you deny it, she's not going to be happy until those 10lbs have turned into another 30."

"She just wants to look after me." His stomach rolled, and he groaned again. "Oh, God!"

Eames started laughing. "Right, I'm moving. Don't explode here Artie, I'm wearing a clean shirt for once…"


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

Arthur pulled his tie straight, and adjusted his suit. He'd lost 3lbs, and was starting to feel good about himself again.

Eames walked past, whistling. "You're pretty dressed up. Hot date?"

"Sort of." Arthur faced the Forger. "I'm taking Ariadne to meet my mother tonight. She's in town, and wanted to meet her."

Eames started to grin. "Fantastic. _Two_ women trying to feed you tonight? They'll be rolling you out the door, Artie!"

Arthur bristled. "Eames, for the last time, Ariadne is not trying to feed me up! She likes to cook for me, I like to eat it, I gained some weight, big deal! Plus, my mother is the original dieter. She'll be lecturing me on every calorie I eat!"

Eames continued to grin. "Oh, this is priceless! A woman who wants to do nothing but stuff you confronted with a woman who probably never let you have ice cream! I almost wish I was coming!"

"Look", Arthur took a deep breath, and faced the Forger. "For once, I have a beautiful girlfriend who actually wants to do things for me. It doesn't often happen. I hate to sound like a chauvinist, but a woman who actually wants to cook is a rarity!"

Eames raised his eyebrows. "Do things for you? I prefer women who do things to me, but still that's the difference between us. Enjoy your dinner!"

Arthur glared and stalked off.

"I hope she likes me."

Arthur sipped his water. "She will."

"Well, she probably wants the best for her son."

Arthur sighed. Suddenly, an older woman approached, in a cloud of expensive perfume. "Arthur!" She held her arms out, and as he got up, she hugged him. "I haven't seen you in so long!" She looked at him critically. "Have you put on weight?"

Arthur flushed to the roots of his hair. "Maybe a little bit, you know, city living…"

"Well, you need to be careful." His mother spoke authoratively as she settled into a chair. "Otherwise, you'll be fat by the time you're 35, and this lovely young woman-" she smiled at Ariadne – "will be looking for a slimmer model."

Ariadne glared at her. "Trust me, I won't. I love Arthur." She put her hand on his protectively.

His mother blinked. "Of course you do. Here's the waiter. I'll have…" she paused. "Salmon, please."

Ariadne spoke. "I'll have tuna."

Arthur decided. "Can I have steak and salad please? No dressing."

"Of course." The waiter turned and left.

His mother nodded, approvingly. "Good. And remember, no dessert."

Arthur blushed. "Yes, Mom."

Ariadne glared at her. "He's entitled to have dessert if he wants!"

"Excuse me?" His mother looked astounded. "Just in case you hadn't noticed, my son appears to be expanding!"

"And whats wrong with that?" Ariadne's voice was starting to rise. "I'd rather he were fat than skinny!" Tears were starting to form in her eyes. "You should see the diets that he goes on, he eats nothing but celery! And the reason he thinks he needs to is probably because you made him feel bad about every cookie he ate as a child! If he faints after the meal tonight, its because he's so weak from lack of food!"

Arthur's mother went purple with rage. "Faint from lack of food? He looks as if he's extremely well fed! Well, if Arthur needs an industrial winch to get out of the house in a few years, I'll know who to blame! Arthur," she spoke stiffly as she got up, "just try and make sure you can fit through the door!" She turned and stalked out of the restaurant.

Arthur was slack jawed as he watched his mother leave. Ariadne squeezed his hand.

"Don't worry," she whispered. "They have Double Strawberry Cheesecake here!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

"I thought of you last night." Eames commented, casually.

Arthur choked. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, I was watching a documentary-"

"I didn't even realise you knew they existed. Eames, I am impressed!"

Eames smiled. "It was called _Fat Girls and Feeders, _Artie. It was about men who were force feeding women until they were so huge they couldn't even move. For some strange, undefinable reason…I started thinking of you."

Arthur's face went red.

"Tell me, how is the weight loss going?" Eames was still smiling. "Managed to get another pound off?"

"No. Only half." Arthur gritted his teeth. The Chocolate brownie he'd had last night hadn't helped. But Ariadne had baked it for him, and he felt he couldn't refuse. She had a way of widening her eyes when he started to refuse what she'd baked or cooked for him, to the point where he was more worried about upsetting her than about what he was eating. He'd gone running that morning, but after two blocks he'd been puffing to the point where he'd had to stop.

"Oh well." Eames settled back in his chair. "Nothing wrong with having a bit of a gut. It means Ariadne has something to hang on to at night, and you can keep her war-"

Arthur got up and was about to storm out of the room when Ariadne walked in. She was smiling. "Eames!" She exclaimed. "Are you busy tonight."

"Er, no. Except for another exciting evening with Soave, Tolstoy, and a takeaway. Why?"

"I'd like to invite you to dinner. You, Cobb, Yusuf, Arthur and me."

"I'd be delighted!" Eames was now grinning to the point Arthur thought he saw his face start to crack. "Do you hear that, Artie? Make sure you don't eat it all!"

* * *

"First course!" Ariadne smiled brightly. She started depositing tomato and cheese bruschetta on plates in front of her guests. Arthur's eyes widened as she put his plate down. He easily had twice of any of the others!

Eames nudged Cobb. Arthur glared at him. He picked up the bruschetta, and started eating.

He was still eating after the others had finished. He looked at Ariadne.

"Ari, this is great, but I'm starting to feel a bit…"

"Fat?" Eames chipped in. Cobb snorted with laughter into his wine glass, and Yusuf grinned. Both of the others had noticed The Point Man's weight gain, and the fact that he was seemingly being sabotaged in efforts to remove it.

"But..it took me so long to make it…"

That was more than Arthur could bear. He hurriedly crammed the final two bites into his mouth, chewing and swallowing, and hoping that the main course would be smaller.

Ariadne smiled at him. "OK, next course!" She got up, and went into the kitchen. She came back out carrying a large dish. Lasagne. Sliding a knife into it, she began dissecting it, and sliding portions onto plates.

Arthur's jaw dropped when his plate was handed to him. It had nearly half the lasagne on it!

"Ari, I'm really not sure I'm going to be able…" he felt his voice trail off as her eyes began to bore into him. "Finish all this. There is a lot here, and I had a lot of Bruschetta, so…"

Her lip started to quiver.

"Arthur! When are you going to accept that I am TRYING to take care of you?" Her voice was high pitched. "I know you feel you have to be skinny because you're vain and want to look good in your suits, but you NEED to EAT MORE! I am not going to go out with a guy who is skeletal! You were SO THIN on the Fischer job, I just wanted to tie you down and shove food into your mouth! You have to STOP DIETING!"

A strange choking noise came from Eames, Cobb and Yusuf looked slightly astounded. Arthur looked at Ariadne with a look of near terror.

"Um, Ari, I can eat this, this isn't too much for me, really…" He hurriedly put his fork into the lasagne and started to cut. She sat down, smiling at him.

"Good." She reached over and cupped his hand. "I did make you Banoffee Pie for dessert. And Death by Chocolate Mousse!"

Eames started to push his chair back.

"Where are you going?" Arthur looked at him.

"Oh, I'm off to see if I can find a 24 hour construction company. To get you out of here, I think we'll be requiring a winch…"


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur opened the white, gold embossed envelope and his face paled.

"Oh, God, no!"

Eames looked up. "What is it?"

"I've been invited to my High School's ten year reunion." The Point Man answered. "Looks like I'll have to shift this-" he grabbed at the still visible bulge round his waist- "by then!"

"When is it?" Eames asked, interested.

"In a week!"

"Oh, dear!" The Forger started laughing. "Hang on, just a sec…" His face assumed an expression of intense concentration and he started tapping at his laptop's keyboard.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked, suspiciously.

"Googling plastic surgeons. I hear the recovery rate for liposuction is only five days! Still, they'll only suck out a litre of fat – will that even be visible?"

Arthur's face flamed red. Just then, Ariadne walked in, carrying a wrapped package.

"Here!" She placed it on his desk. "It was such a shame you got a headache last night and had to leave before you had dessert – so I bought a piece of pecan pie for you as take out!"

Arthur's jaw dropped. "Wow, Ari, thank you, you didn't have to-"

"Well, you did only have salad last night. You are going to make yourself sick!" She looked straight at him. "I really should take you home to my mom. She'll take one look at you and start cooking! She'll think you're a bag of bones! She won't let you leave until you've gained at least 5lbs!"

Eames was grinning from ear to ear. "Does she live in a gingerbread house?"

"What?" Ariadne looked slightly confused. Arthur shot the Forger a look of pure evil.

"Ari, its really sweet…of you", he finished, lamely. "I'll eat it later, I promise."

Her eyes darted to the card on the desk. "Ooh, whats this? Your reunion? In a week! Awesome! I'll have to buy a new dress!" She practically skipped out of the door.

Arthur swallowed.

"Face it, Artie." Eames' voice cut through the air. "Just buy a bigger suit! And you're attached, so it doesn't matter if the cheerleaders think you're a fatso!"

Arthur gave Eames the finger, then proceeded to unwrap and eat the slice of pecan pie. Eames, chuckling, shook his head.

Arthur swallowed. Ariadne was practically clinging to his arm, as they went up the front steps of R.C. Millichamp High School. Several of his former classmates were already there, he noticed. Quite a few hadn't changed. He gulped, suddenly realising the spare tyre round his midriff wasn't that well concealed by his charcoal grey suit. He reached for a glass of punch.

"Arthur?" A female voice broke into his thoughts. "Its me, Chris!"

Arthur took a quick gulp of punch. "Chris! You look…" his voice trailed off.

Chris had been in his History class, and had admitted to having had a crush on him at the time. She'd been slightly overweight, but she was smart and funny, and he'd had more interesting conversations with her than most of the bimbos who'd proliferated in his year. However, his friends had jeered at him for seemingly liking a "fatty", as they'd called her, and instead he'd dated one of the cheerleaders – who'd had a size 6 body and an emaciated brain. It had taken five days of her droning at him about _Friends _and how Jennifer Aniston had such perfect hair that he found himself wishing he was with Chris, who he could talk to about John Wyndham novels, the political situation in the Middle East, and travelling to Europe. However, he'd humiliated her in public, telling her that she wouldn't suit his "image." He'd often kicked himself for that.

"Chris," Arthur breathed, "you look…incredible!"

She was wearing an off the shoulder black dress that clung to a toned, curvy figure, with her hair piled up. Her face was perfectly made up and her eyes were sparkling. She hugged him.

"Why thank you!" She looked at him, and her eyes dropped to the bulge around his waist, and then up to were he was starting a double chin. "You look…er, great!"

And with that, she smirked, and turned on her heel to be joined by a tall, very attractive man with a shock of thick blonde hair and a body that reminded him, to his chagrin, of Eames. Arthur swallowed. "Whose the tubby guy?" He heard the man say.

"Are you ok?" Ariadne clung tighter.

"I'm…I'm…"

"You're probably feeling faint from hunger, again!" She scolded him. "You need to stop losing weight – do you want to collapse? You saw how she told you she thought you looked 'great'!"

Arthur sighed. "She was being sarcastic."

"No, she thinks you need to eat as well! You really do! I do not want to go out with a bag of bones!"

"Ari." Arthur looked straight at her. "Lets just go, OK?" He suddenly realised that having his weight gain on public display was excrutiatingly embarrassing.

She beamed. "Of course. Lets go back to my place, I have Haagen Dazs in the fridge…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me, pure crack, enjoy!**

"You ok, Arthur? You seem a bit tense." Cobb shot the Point Man an enquiring glance.

Arthur sighed. "I'm ok, just going to visit Ari's family this weekend. She says her mother can't wait to meet me and cook for me."

A peculiar wild sound emerged from Eames. Arthur and Cobb looked over. The Forger was trying to to stifle a scream of laughter. "I'll bet she can't! Are you booked to fly back in cargo?"

"Eames." Arthur decided to challenge the Forger. "OK, enough is enough. So I've put on a little weight-"

"-a little?" The Forger deadpanned. "It went very dark in here earlier, I thought the power had gone. Then I realised you'd bent over and caused a solar eclipse."

Even Cobb grinned at this one. Arthur pressed on.

"-I've put on some weight. Because I like brownies, and twinkies, and pecan pie. But, seriously, Eames, what is the problem? I could be going out getting drunk every night, or cheating, or gambling to all hours. But I've put on some weight, and all you do is rip it out of me!"

"No, Artie," Eames spoke, still straightfaced. "Its your suits you're ripping out of! When are you going to realise that Ariadne is sabotaging you? When you started going out, you stopped going to the gym for cosy evenings in, you eat everything she brings you, she only has to pout and you swap celery for a brownie! Soon you'll have more chins than a Chinese telephone directory!"

Arthur was turning purple with rage. Eames turned back to his computer.

"But as long as Ariadne loves you, Arthur-" Cobb began.

"Well, there is quite a lot to love." Eames broke in.

Arthur stormed out of the room. Eames raised his eyebrows. "Well, well. I haven't seen him move that fast since I commented Dominos was giving away free pizza."

* * *

At the restaurant that night, Arthur steeled himself. Ariadne was smiling at him.

"I cannot wait for you to meet my Mom! I've told her how clever you are, and how brilliant, and also how-"

"Thin?" He ended, unconsciously.

"That too. I told her that you worked such long hours, and didn't eat properly, and she told me it sounds as though you need nurturing, and lots of it."

"Ari," Arthur steeled himself. ""Um, I'm not actually that thin anymore. I mean, I gained 10lbs when we started going out, I've lost 3lbs of it, but I still need to lose the other 7. My suits don't fit me as well as they did, and I feel…

Her eyes were boring into him.

"…fat." He finished, lamely.

"Arthur." Ariadne's voice was firm. "Listen to me. You are NOT fat! You have a syndrome – its called Body Dysmorphic Disorder!"

He blinked. "What?"

"It's a syndrome where people who are really attractive think they're really ugly! You do – you're so good looking, but you're too thin, but you think you're fat! I know Eames calls you a stick in the mud, but you've become a stick!"

"Ari." Arthur realised he was slowly losing his determination to convince her. "You heard what my mother said – I'm expanding! As for Eames, he always makes comments about my weight – and this time he's right! I'm not lean and hungry anymore – I'm cuddly and well-fed!"

Ari's brow furrowed. "Eames is always making comments?"

"Yes," Arthur said weakly.

A determined look came into her eyes. "Oh, look here's the waiter. I'll have…salmon with rice and rocket salad, please."

Arthur sighed. "I'll have Sea Bass, please. With fried sweet potatoes."

She smiled, approvingly.

* * *

Eames was in work early the next day. As he was setting up, he turned round at the sound of footsteps. "Oh, hello, Princess," he said to Ari, "how are you-"

WHACK! Ari's small hand collided with Eames' face, leaving the Forger reeling.

"Eh, what-" He gasped, feeling stunned.

"How can you be so cruel to Arthur?" She demanded, tears forming in her eyes. "You keep telling him he's fat, he's developing a real problem! He keeps wanting to diet and starve himself!"

Eames coughed. "Ari, um, I don't think Arthur's starving himself somehow-"

"You see? There you go again! You keep making comments like that, and you're damaging his self-esteem. He needs to eat! He needs some more meat on his bones! If he ends up with anorexia, I hope you'll feel proud of yourself!"

"Ari." Eames decided to try another tack. "Arthur isn't going to end up anorexic. Trust me on that."

She glared, and walked away. As she left the room, Arthur entered.

"Morning."

"Oh, hey." Eames looked up. "I think Ari's a bit upset with me."

"Oh, surprise, surprise! What did you do?"

"No, its what you're doing. How come I point out you're putting on weight, and I get a slap for it?" Eames shrugged. "I don't understand, I really don't. But she thinks you're going to end up anorexic. Don't worry, I'm sure thinking you're really fat and being it isn't quite the same thing…"


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur sat at his desk, spooning plain yoghurt into his mouth. He grimaced.

"Just pretend its Ben and Jerry's", Eames voice cut through the air. The Point Man glowered and shovelled in another spoonful.

Ariadne walked in, a determined expression on her face. In her hand, she held a leaflet.

Arthur looked up. "Whats this?"

"It's a support group. For people like you."

Arthur nearly choked. "People like me?"

"Yes." She handed it to him.

Arthur opened it, looking at the glossy pictures. _Do you think you hate your body? Do you wish you could stop dieting? Come and talk to us!_

Arthur's voice come out unnaturally high pitched. "Ari, I don't hate my body. I just don't like the fact I'm a little heavier than I was! I'm not addicted to dieting!"

"But you were fine until we started going out!" Her voice was raising in pitch as well; Eames winced and looked worriedly at the windows. "I'm worried that you're trying to diet and get toned to impress me, and you don't need to! I love you regardless of what shape you're in!"

Arthur looked at her.

"Ari, I'm not trying to…impress you." He swallowed. "I'm doing this for me! I really don't like being this bulky!"

"Its 'only' 7lbs, Arthur!"

"Yes, and on me it looks bad! Now if it was on Eames-"

"Oi! Don't drag me into this!" The Forger glared.

"-it wouldn't show. As much." Ariadne looked straight at him. Arthur continued. "I'm too small framed to carry this excess, Ari. I just look heavy."

She turned, tears starting to roll down her cheeks, and hurried off. Arthur was astounded.

He turned to Eames. "What did I say?"

Eames shrugged. "You've rejected her."

"What?"

"Arthur." Eames leaned forward. "She's been cooking for you, baking for you, feeding you. It's a sign of love. You've complained about the effects of it, so she now thinks you have a problem. As far as Ariadne's concerned, she's just showing you her love."

Arthur was silent. "But, I'm starting to get-"

"-A bit chunky. Cuddly. But, think about it, does it matter if you're happy?"

"It matters that I can't get into my clothes, and that you make comments every five minutes," Arthur said, sourly.

"Did you think of that when you were stuffing your face? I bet you didn't!"

Arthur glowered. Eames chuckled and turned away.

* * *

That evening, Arthur went round to see Ariadne. For dinner. He braced himself as he rang the doorbell, knowing that whatever she cooked for him, he'd be duty bound to eat it.

She opened the door. "Arthur!" They kissed. She ushered him inside.

"Sit down!"

Arthur's jaw dropped. On the table was a large bowl of Goat's cheese salad. Accompanied by water.

"Ari…what is this?"

The Architect smiled at him.

"Well, you've been so tense about your weight lately, I thought I'd make us salad. I'm sorry if you feel I haven't been supportive. Its just…you've been so obsessed with losing weight, and it got me worried you'd go too far."

"No, I'm sorry…" Arthur didn't quite know what to say. "I feel I've been rejecting you. You're the first girlfriend I've ever had who has actually cooked for me, and its been lovely. You've made me cake, you've made me brownies, and instead of appreciating you, I've just complained. But you've made salad for me, and I appreciate this."

"I've just been worried about you, Arthur." Ariadne's dark eyes were soft. "You work too hard, you barely eat, you get so thin…I just wanted to show you that somebody cared."

Arthur felt himself well up. She was so genuine, so beautiful. He felt blessed to have her as a girlfriend.

"Oh, Ari," he leaned over and kissed her. "I'm so glad I have you."

She kissed him. "I know you are. Which is why you need to finish your starter!"

_My Starter!_ Arthur's eyes bulged.

"My…starter?" he spoke feebly.

She beamed at him. "Yes! I have steak with fries for the main course. And Strawberry Cream Pie for dessert. But, I really need to cut down. You can have the lion's share!"

Swallowing, Arthur put his fork in his salad. He probably could manage the steak, after all…


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

"Artie, are you up for a lads' night in?"

Arthur looked at Eames suspiciously. "Excuse me?"

"You know, a lads' night. We all hang out, drink beer, watch films, eat nachos, oh, wait a moment, you can't you're on a diet…"

"No, I'm not." Arthur felt his face flush. "I'm just…watching what I eat."

"Is that before you stuff it in your mouth?" Yusuf chipped in with this, and Eames snorted with laughter. The Point Man's face went crimson.

The Forger shrugged. "OK, suit yourself, Artie. If you'd rather spend the night tied to the bed with Ariadne spoon feeding you chocolate mousse, than that's-"

"No, no," Arthur said hurriedly, suddenly become ever more conscious of the 8 – 8! – extra pounds clinging to his waist. His weight had increased in the last week, most likely due to Ariadne having discovered the wonders of Crème Fraiche and insisting on using it in practically every recipe she cooked for him. A night in with the guys, actually feeling some testosterone, might help him burn some calories.

"Excellent. See you at my place, at 8!" Eames winked as he left. Arthur looked at him, suspiciously.

* * *

"Well, come on it, Artie!" Eames was an enthusiastic host, practically ripping the Point Man's coat off. "Sit down! I have snacks that are low fat, like celery, if you want them!"

"I just ate." Arthur glared at the Forger.

"Of course you did. I won't ask what you ate. Come on in." Cobb and Yusuf were already seated, both drinking bottled beer.

"Right, gentlemen!" Eames rubbed his hands. "I thought we could start the evening with a comedy. A love story with a twist. I'm sure you'll all appreciate it."

Arthur sipped his beer. Love story?

Eames knelt down and slid a DVD into the sleek black player, then settled back on the couch. The face of Jack Black filled the screen, and Arthur started to sigh. He found Black extremely tedious.

"Oh, its got Gwyneth Paltrow in it!" He exclaimed.

Eames shrugged. "Bit too skinny for me. I prefer something to grab onto." Arthur decided to let that comment pass.

It soon became clear to the watching quartet, that Gwyneth Paltrow's character wasn't as skinny as she appeared. As she sat talking to Black in a diner, only to disappear as the chair buckled under her, Arthur began to get suspicious. And then, as he realised everyone was trying to convince Black that his gorgeous, slinky girlfriend was actually hugely obese, he began to get irate.

"Eames…"

"Yes, Artie?"

"Are you trying to make a subtle point with this film?" Arthur demanded.

"What point?" Eames said, innocently. "Aside from the fact that Jack Black has been hypnotised to only see inner beauty, and therefore thinks his 300lb girlfriend is a stick? Tell me Artie, who hypnotised Ariadne?"

Yusuf burst out laughing at this, and even Cobb started to grin.

"No-one hypnotised her!" Arthur was outraged. "She sees me for what I am!"

"Oh, does she?" Eames raised his eyebrows. "Then why does she still act as though you're on the verge of wasting away? Why did she being that enormous brownie in for you today?"

Arthur glared. "She just loves me, that's all!"

"Indeed." Eames said, grinning. "And quite clearly Artie, love is blind!"

Arthur grabbed his coat and stormed out of the room.

"Don't tread on the stairs too hard, Artie!" Eames called out. "We wouldn't want you going through them…"


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

Eames dropped a sheet of paper on Arthur's desk. "Check it out, Artie!"

Arthur looked. Then his eyes bulged. "Big, Handsome Men? Why in the name of…" His voice trailed off as he looked at the Forger.

"Its completely legit." Eames grinned at him. "It's a real website. Its where admirers of Big, Handsome Men – that's a polite way of saying fat ones, Artie – post up pictures of them and what turns them on. I suggest you have a look. You might find Ariadne's got a space for you booked!"

Arthur's eyes narrowed. "You really cannot let this go, can you? You really think my girlfriend's a feeder?"

Eames shrugged. "Well, lets count the signs. I did a bit of internet research last night. It was very enlightening. Does your beloved insist upon cooking for you and producing really fattening meals? Um, I would say yes. Does she insist that you exercise too much and therefore need to stop? Um, yes. Does she throw a fit every time you look as if you're going to turn down a brownie in favour of something green? Does she persistently insist that you're really as thin as a stick and need fattening up? Um, yes. Does she go on and on about how much she likes your love handles and the fact you're turning into a fat tosser, as opposed to a thin one? Well, she probably doesn't mind you're a tosser, but I know that she does seem to like your-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Arthur had got to his feet. "Eames, I am really sick of this! I start dating Ariadne, she cooks, I gain a few pounds, and you have to keep on going on about it! I am going out with a beautiful, caring woman, who actually values me, and you're just jealous!"

"Jealous? Of you?" Eames looked astounded. "Trust me, Artie, I'm not. I'm just a little…concerned for you that's all."

"Oh really?" Arthur was fuming, then Ariadne walked in, carrying a box. "I made flapjacks", she said, shyly.

"Oh, wow!" Arthur immediately put his hand in the box. "Fantastic, thank you!"

"I wouldn't!" Eames spoke from behind the laptop. "They're about 500 calories a chuck, Artie! It'll go straight to your gut!"

Arthur turned round and glared at the Forger. Then proceeded to cram it into his mouth, chewing solidy.

"Manners, Arthur!" Eames looked shocked. "Manners! Getting fat is one thing, but turning into an ill mannered lout, that's another!"

"Imff dmmff cmfff" Arthur spoke through the flapjack, chewing defiantly.

"What? I'm sorry, I don't speak Fat Bastardese!"

"I don't care!" Arthur swallowed and shouted. "I don't care how fat I get! Ariadne loves me, and its the person inside who counts! You should give it a try, sometimes!"

Suddenly, Eames turned to the door and began to grin. "Umm, Artie..."

"Getting fat is not something to be ashamed of!"

"I beg to differ," an icy female voice spoke.

Arthur coughed, and nearly choked. He turned. "Mom?"

His mother stood in the doorway, glaring at him.

"I've been worried about your health ever since we went out to dinner! I've come to stay - trust me, you're going on a real diet, Arthur!"

Arthur went scarlet. Eames nearly choked with laughter.

"Enjoy the last mouthful, Artie!" He said, cheerfully. "Might be the last for some time..."


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

Arthur took a sip and grimaced. He closed his eyes, and took another. It didn't improve the taste.

Eames walked in, whistling. "Artie! What is that delectable looking substance you're sipping?"

Arthur smiled, tightly. "It's a…protein shake."

The Forger's eyebrows went up. "Protein shake?" He looked at it, hard. "Hang on! That's – that's – _Slim-Fast!"_

Arthur glared at Eames, who was now laughing to the point he couldn't sit still. "I don't believe it! Your mother has put you on the Slim-Fast plan!"

"It was my choice." Arthur spoke through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, right!" Eames started laughing again.

"Look." Arthur took a deep breath. "She just thinks I'm out of shape. I think I'm out of shape. I need to lose these 8lbs that just won't disappear. So, doing this seems to be the solution."

"I agree." Eames chuckled. "You can have a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and by dinnertime, you're mugging small children for their sweets. Its perfect, Artie."

Arthur closed his eyes and took a long swallow. He grimaced again. "It'll get this weight off, Eames. Trust me."

"Yes, it will." The Forger was idly scanning his laptop. "Shame your girlfriend will then bring you muffins, and Danish, and brownies, and it'll all be back on again before the end of next week!"

Arthur slammed his shake down. "Eames, just stop it! Ariadne is not trying to make me fat! She just likes to show her love for me through cooking!"

Eames smirked. "Keep telling yourself that. I just think its hilarious how you have two women in your life. One of whom seemingly won't be satisfied until you can't fit through the door, and the other who wants you to be able to slide under it!"

"Arthur?"

Arthur looked up to be confronted by the worried face of Ariadne. She looked as though she'd been crying.

"Honey!" Arthur was stunned. "Whats wrong?"

"You're getting so anorexic!" She sounded as if she was about to cry again. "You're living off these-" she pointed to the shake – "and you think you're fat!"

"Er, no love." Eames chipped in. "Arthur actually is fat."

Ariadne ignored him. "You're going to collapse if you don't eat! Your mother had no right to put you on a diet! I am going to see my family this weekend, and you're coming with me!"

"Are you?" Eames looked at her. "Does your mother have a cage big enough to lock him in? And a chicken bone to poke through the bars?"

"EAMES!" Arthur was furious.

The Forger started laughing. "I suggest you measure the size of the oven. Are your reflexes fast enough to push her in..."


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

"You must order something more substantial than that, Arthur!"

Arthur closed his eyes. Ariadne's parents had arrived in town the previous day, and had insisted on taking the entire team out for dinner. Her mother had swooped on him, and exclaimed:

"Oh, my! You're so handsome! But you're so _thin!"_

"I think he's wearing his corset today," Eames had chipped in, causing Ariadne to glare at him. Arthur had gone scarlet.

"He thinks he needs to diet, Mom", Aridane had sounded tearful. "He lives on celery and shakes!"

Her mother had looked at him. "How can you diet, sweetheart? You're skin and bones!"

Arthur cleared his throat. "Trust me, I used to be thinner."

Her mother looked horrified, and had immediately insisted that they went out to eat that evening. As an afterthought, she had suggested the team join them.

Arthur had scanned the menu, realising that everything on it involved cream, butter, or cheese. He politely requested a steak with salad; Ariadne's lip had trembled to the point where he'd hastily requested they add fries. Cobb, Yusuf, and Eames merely sipped their drinks and grinned.

"You must try some of this chicken, Arthur," Ariadne's mother spoke, authoratively. "Its divine."

"Um…"

"No, I insist!" Before he could stop her, she was scraping food from her plate to his.

Arthur's eyes widened. Half her chicken was on his plate!

"Oh, you should have some of my pasta, Arthur!" Eames commented, after he'd eaten the chicken. Before Arthur could stop him, two large spoonfuls of linguine had been deposited on top of his steak. Arthur, glowering, picked up his fork and proceeded to eat it.

"You really should have some of my salmon, Arthur," Yusuf said generously, and then proceeded to tip half of it on his plate.

Arthur had had enough. "Everyone, please! I feel like a thanksgiving turkey!"

"Oh, I would have said more like Mr. Creosote!" Eames grinned, taking a sip of wine.

Arthur's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

"Mr. Creosote." Eames took another sip of his wine. "Don't you remember those Monty Python DVDs I showed you a while ago? An enormously fat bloke goes to a restaurant, and-"

This clearly triggered memories for Cobb and Yusuf, both of whom began snorting with laughter. Ariadne's parents looked confused, and Ariadne looked upset.

"Please excuse Eames," Arthur said smoothly, "he's off his medication this evening." This earned him a glare from the Forger.

The meal ground on. Arthur tried to avoid dessert, but Ariadne ordered both cheesecake and banoffe pie for herself, and then insisted on giving the banoffe pie to him. Her mother ordered ice cream, which ended up on the banoffe pie.

Arthur put his spoon in and began to eat. He was acutely aware of the two women watching him, and his fellow team members, all of whom were trying to stifle their laughter. He reached the last spoonful, and literally forced it into his mouth. His stomach groaned in protest, and so did he.

A waiter approached. "Coffee?"

"Oh, yes, coffee for seven," Ariadne's mother requested. The waiter nodded and retreated.

"Oh, excuse me!" Eames called after him. "Do you have any after dinner mints?"

"Oh, of course, Sir!" The Waiter nodded again.

Arthur looked at Eames. "No, Eames, please!"

"Oh, don't worry Artie!" Eames grinned as he fished in his pocket for his cigarettes. "They're waifer thin!"


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me, pure crack, enjoy!**

He took a deep breath, and stepped on the scales.

The numbers flashed up as 146lbs.

Arthur stepped off, genuinely pleased. He'd lost 6lbs. Whistling, he headed for the bedroom.

* * *

"You look happy," Eames commented as he walked in to the warehouse later that morning. "Discover an interesting new type of truffle last night, did you?"

"Ha ha." Arthur glared at him. "I've lost 6lbs."

"Really? Was this 6lbs lost with you standing on one leg on the scales?"

Arthur glowered. "No…both feet on the scale."

"Fantastic! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find them again…especially as Ariadne appears to be heading our way with a box of doughnuts."

Arthur turned, and then realised Eames had tricked him. The Forger was grinning. "Gotcha!"

"Eames, you really are…"

"Funny, I know." The Forger took a slurp of coffee. "Its just you should ask yourself this – what got you more excited, the thought of Ariadne or the thought of doughnuts?"

Arthur lost his patience.

"Between you and my mother, and Ariadne, its amazing that I _don't _have an eating disorder. I put on a few pounds, you make out I'm the size of a house! My mother comes over, and tells me to go on slim fast! Ariadne's mother tries to feed me five course meals! Ariadne thinks I have a disorder, and keeps telling me to eat more!"

"But, Artie," Eames was grinning. "You are fatter than you were on the Fischer job! You're rounded, cuddly! We're used to you being slender, and elfin!"

"I wasn't always."

"What?" Eames put down his coffee mug. "No? You surprise me. I thought you were one of these types who is always thin."

"No." Arthur looked at the Forger. "When I was about 12, I broke my wrist. I used to spend my time playing soccer, and riding my bike. And suddenly, I wasn't as active. So I put on a little weight, and my mother completely freaked. And put me on a diet. Then I got my growth spurt, lost weight, but stayed small framed. So, if my mother sees me looking a bit chubby, she freaks."

"So, your mother can't tolerate you being a bit heavy?"

"No." Arthur looked at the Forger. "She can't."

Eames started to laugh. "This is brilliant, Artie! You're caught between two women – one of whom hates seeing you with some extra weight, and the other who along with her mother clearly wants you to have as much as possible!"

"Eames, for the last time, Aridane and her mother are not feeders-"

He stopped short. Ariadne was walking towards him, carrying a huge chocolate cake.

"Arthur!" Ariadne was smiling. "I walked past the bakery this morning, and they had this in the window. I know its your favourite!"

"Do you want it all now, Artie?" Eames was grinning again. "Or are you going to have half now and save the rest for later?"

Arthur swallowed.

"Ari, that's really sweet of you, but I've lost 6lbs-"

"I know!" Her voice was forceful. "I know you have, and you're living on shakes and celery! Its not healthy, Arthur! I don't want an skeleton for a boyfriend!"

"So you want a whale instead, do you?"

"Oh, stop it Artie. Whales beat skeletons any day of the week."

"SHUT UP EAMES!"

"I'm serious!" Eames protested, trying not to snort with laughter. "Whales are quite loveable creatures, skeletons are just dead!"

"Arthur," Ariadne sounded tearful. "I just want you to be healthy!"

Arthur opened his mouth, then stopped. "OK, I know its because you love me."

She beamed. "Have a slice."

Arthur paused, then remembered. "Oh, ok, I have lost 6lbs."

"Better start putting it back on then." Eames muttered. Arthur glared at him, before turning back to Ariadne.

She smiled, and cut him a slice.

Eames looked, his mouth twitching in amusement. "So, tell me, does your mum bake cakes like this, Ari?"

She smiled. "Oh, yes! And she told me she's baking one just for Arthur for the weekend!"

Eames started to laugh. "Fantastic! Make sure you book a row of seats for flying back, Artie, I think you'll need them…"


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me, pure crack...**

"So, how was the weekend?"

Arthur looked at the Forger, his face impassive. "It was very good, thank you Eames."

"Oh, really?" The Forger started to grin. "So good that you and Ariadne are no longer speaking?"

The Point Man flushed. "We are speaking."

"Then why is she glaring at you? What happened? Did you eat the entire buffet on arrival and then have someone threaten to poke you with a pin?"

Arthur sighed. Ariadne stormed over.

"I'll tell you, why Eames!" She spoke, her voice quivering. "He was so rude to my mother, I couldn't stand it!"

"Arthur? Rude to your Mum?" Eames was astounded. "What happened?"

Arthur looked at the Forger. "I refused to let her try and give me second helpings of everything this weekend. I kept explaining I want to lose some weight, and she didn't listen."

"I can't ever take you there again!" The Architect stormed. Both Eames and Arthur watched her turn and stomp off.

"Wow. You actually didn't let them feed you. I'm impressed."

"Cut it out."

"No, really I am."

Arthur looked at Eames. "Look. I know I've gained some weight. I want to lose it. I'm sick of feeling heavy and lethargic. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and seeing a gut where I didn't have one. But I'm also getting really sick of Ariadne acting as though I'm going to collapse at any point. If she really loves me, she'll let me do this. If she wanted to lose weight, I'd let her. And I've told her that. I don't care if she's a size 6 or 26, as long as she's happy. I'm not happy being this size. She needs to accept that."

Eames whistled. "You're a brave man."

Arthur shrugged. "Lets get back to work."

The two men put their heads down. About half an hour later, Ariadne walked back in, brandishing a box of doughnuts. She went to Eames. "Would you like one?"

"Don't mind if I do. Thanks!"

She went to Arthur. "Well?"

"No, thanks." He spoke tersely.

"Arthur, I bought these for you-"

"No, you didn't." The Point Man was slightly flushed. "You didn't buy them for me, you bought them to guilt trip me. Ari, I don't want them. Eat them yourself!"

Ariadne glared at him with such a look Eames could almost see the tombstone being chiselled. "Fine, I will!" She grabbed the box and started to walk off. "You know, I think we should take a break from each other for a bit. You are so ungrateful, all I do is try and show I care, and you reject me for it!"

"Ari." Arthur spoke calmly. "I agree. I'm not happy with myself at the moment, and its having a bad effect on us both. Lets take a break for a while."

She looked at him, astounded, then turned and stormed off. Arthur leaned back, and sighed.

"Well done, Artie." Eames grinned. "You said you wanted to lose weight. I think you just lost a 100lbs!"

"Eames? Piss off."


	16. Chapter 16

**Discalaimer: Inception does not belong to me...wish it did...**

Arthur stepped off the scale, and smiled.

142lbs.

2lbs until his goal weight. Still smiling, he reached for his bathrobe, and headed to the bedroom to get dressed. Pulling on his suit, he suddenly realised that the slacks were fitting round his waist, and his shirts no longer pulled against his stomach. Looking in the mirror, he noticed his cheekbones were back. His cheeks were also concave, rather than convex.

Feeling cheerful, he checked his watch, and hurried to work. Upon entering the warehouse, he noticed Eames was absent, and so were the others. Shrugging, he sat down, and opened his laptop.

"Morning Artie. How are you?"

Arthur gritted his teeth. "I was fine until about…five seconds ago, thanks." He stood up to walk to the filing cabinet.

Eames did a double take. "Artie! You're looking _thinner!"_

"Thanks Eames."

"No, I'm not being sarcastic! You have lost weight!" Eames smiled at him. "Ariadne will be upset!"

The Point Man smiled fixedly. "Eames. If Ariadne really likes me, she'll love me regardless of my size. And she will accept I have lost weight if she does."

Eames grinned. "Well, here's your chance to see. Here she comes."

Arthur looked over. The Architect was walking into the warehouse, purposely avoiding looking at Arthur. Pulling her chair out, she sat down, and proceeded to start working.

Eames and Arthur returned to their seats.

"So, Arthur, did you have a pleasant weekend?" The Forger looked over.

Arthur shrugged. "It was ok."

"OK? What happened? Did you get turned down by some young lovely at the gym?"

"Eames." Arthur shot him a warning look. Ariadne was starting to turn red.

"No, I'm deadly serious. You're getting back in shape, so you must be getting some attention. I mean, some young women like firm abs on a man, and yours must be getting like steel-"

Ariadne slammed her pen down. Scraping back her chair, she stood up, and glared at the Forger.

"Arthur," she began, her voice trembling, "I can't stand this. I can't stand that you're flaunting yourself in front of other women! At least when you were heavier the only person who showed any interest in you was me!"

Arthur blinked.

"Oh, so when I was heavier I was supposed to be grateful for your attention, was it?" His voice took on an angrier tone. "Is that why you kept on trying to feed me? Fatten me up to make sure no-one else would be interested?"

"No, I cooked for you because I wanted to nurture you and-"

"Stop anyone else showing interest in me! You, you – _feeder!"_

Ariadne burst into tears and ran out of the warehouse. Eames looked shocked.

"Arthur, there was no need for- "

"Save it." The Point Man said curtly. He sat down at his desk, opened his laptop, and began typing again. His stomach rumbled, and he groaned.

"Well," Eames began companionably. "I'm feeling a bit peckish. Doughnut?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

Arthur breezed into work, smiling. He'd weighed himself that morning – he was down to 141lbs.

"Morning, Eames!" He called to the Forger.

"Who are you and what have you done with Arthur?" The Forger mumbled.

"Huh?"

"You're actually being pleasant. What happened?"

The Point Man grinned. "I'm 1lb away from my goal weight!"

Eames yawned. "Give it a rest, Artie!"

Arthur looked offended. "Excuse me?"

"What I say. Its like having one of my ex-girlfriends in here. She was always moaning about her weight, thinking she was fat, going on diets. Finally, I snapped. She asked me if her arse looked big in something. I told her huge. She slapped me and walked out."

Arthur raised his eyebrows. "You're such a charmer."

"I didn't mind the fact she had a huge arse, it was something to hold onto whilst-"

"Eames!" Arthur's face turned red. "Do you have to be so crude?"

"Not everyone likes stick insects, Artie. They drive me up the wall. Give me someone who has some flesh anyday. That's possibly what Ariadne likes." The Forger grinned and turned to his laptop.

Arthur sat down. "Eames?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think-" he paused.

"I do, sometimes."

"Seriously. Do you think Ariadne only liked me when she saw I'd got fat?"

"How d'you mean?"

Arthur's mouth twisted. "Well, we went out, she just kept on feeding me, I gained weight, and then she seemed desperate for me to keep it. She's not speaking to me."

"Yeah." Eames clicked on his laptop. "That could have something to do with you calling her a feeder. Telling her that her main objective in life is to get you to 600lbs and put you on the internet. Maybe she just thought you were too thin, she just wanted to cook for you, nurture you a bit. Problem is, you're so starved of food, being the health freak you are, your fat cells swung into action and sucked it up. Hence you put on weight. And obviously, Ariadne found you pretty sexy. Some love handles, bit of a gut. Something to curl up next to, rather than a washboard stomach like a rock."

Arthur looked at his hands. "Maybe I was too harsh on her. What should I do?"

"Well, its simple. Go round to hers, offer to chain her to the bed and then lick honey off her. That'll get some weight back on you and pleasure her at the same time."

Arthur glared. "Thanks."

Eames looked over. "You can make your offer now. Here she comes."

The Architect walked in, and refused to look at Arthur. Instead, she walked over to Eames. "Hey."

"Hello Princess. How are you?"

"Well, I'm fine." She shot Arthur a look. "Whose the guy sitting opposite you, again?"

Arthur gritted his teeth. "Ari, look, I-"

"Just shut up!" She exploded. "How dare you accuse me of being a feeder! They're disgusting! Did you really think I wanted you to get that fat! I was just trying to look after you, show you I cared! You don't deserve me, and I'll just find a guy who does!"

Eames nodded. "Sounds like a good solution."

She smiled at him. "I knew you'd understand, Eames. Brownie?"

Eames nodded. "Wouldn't say no. "

Arthur looked at him. "Careful Eames, you'll be on a website soon…"


	18. Chapter 18

**Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack, enjoy!**

Arthur smiled as he walked down the street. The scales had finally rewarded him. He was back down to 140lb.

He grinned inwardly as he remembered seeing the evidence flash in red numbers across the scale. He had also enjoyed noticing that his cheekbones were back, and so were his abdominal muscles. He was so intent in remembering how he looked, that he didn't notice the young woman he collided with.

"Hey!" She snapped irritably, then focused. "Hang on…Arthur?"

Arthur blinked. "Christine! I haven't seen you since the reunion!" His face suddenly flushed as he remembered the comment her partner had made.

"Yes, I know." She smiled. "Coffee?" She gestured to a Starbucks up the street.

He nodded. "Why not?"

As they settled at a table, Christine cleared her throat. "Listen, I feel you're owed an apology. The comment my husband made about you at the reunion"

Arthur took a sip of his Americano. "Comment?"

"Yes. He called you tubby." She looked embarrassed. "Trust me, Art, you're the last person I'd ever call tubby."

He shrugged. "Well, he was right. I was. I've lost 10lbs since I last saw you."

"I noticed. You look good."

"So do you." He swallowed. "You look really great." He took a deep breath. "Christine, listen. I'm sorry about what I did in High School."

She looked puzzled. "Art, that was over ten years ago. What did you do?"

"I…liked you. I liked you because you were smart and funny. But…my friends made fun of me for it because you were a bit heavier. So…I…"

Her eyes were twinkling. "Didn't want to go out with a fatass?"

He blushed. "Christine, please. I realise now I would have had a great time with you. I was stupid, and discovered skinny bimbos aren't my type."

"Art…" she looked puzzled. "Thank you for the apology, but its unnecessary. The reason I was "heavier" as you tactfully put it is because I preferred eating doughnuts to actually doing any exercise." She shrugged. "My own fault."

"Well, now I have experience of being a bit…fat…I'm sorry. I was wrong."

"Yes, your weight loss." She grinned. "What happened? Did your girlfriend threaten to dump you if you porked up any more?"

"No, I put our relationship on hold. She was the reason I 'porked up' as you put it."

"Excuse me?" Christine looked baffled. "What happened?"

He shrugged. "She just kept on feeding me. Every single day. Brownies, doughnuts, cakes. She'd cook a meal for me in the evening and they try and serve me a four course snack! I got fatter, and more miserable, she kept insisting I was too thin. And kept on feeding me! Eventually, the relationship had to come to an end, before the Save The Whales posse came and dragged me back into the sea!"

Christine looked baffled. "How did she feed you, Arthur?"

"Eh?"

"I mean, did she tie you to the bed, put a funnel in your mouth, and then ram down all the fattening food she could?"

He looked surprised. "No, she just served it to me."

Her lips quivered with amusement. "Arthur. You're responsible for what goes in your mouth. She cooked for you, you liked it, you ate, it you got fat. Simple as that. You could have told her no. You could have just said, I'm not hungry. But instead you're blaming her for your weakness!"

"My weakness?" Arthur's jaw sagged.

"Think about it Arthur. You like sugar, candy, doughnuts. You were lucky to get a girlfriend who brought them to you! And now you've dumped her. You'll probably now end up with a fitness freak who'll go ape if you eat two sticks of celery, rather than one. And then you'll be dreaming of her. Covered with doughnuts."

Arthur felt himself beginning to blush. "Christine-"

"Don't Christine me, Arthur!" She stood up. "And if you want the truth, you looked better when you were tubby. Not such a miserable, sour faced stick. Because, Art, trust me. No-one really wants to go out with someone they could use as a pipe cleaner…male or female!"

And with that, she got up and sashayed out, leaving Arthur brooding into his coffee cup. After five minutes he got up and went to the counter.

The female barista smiled at him. "Hey sweetie."

He cleared his throat. "Can I have one of the full-fat muffins, please?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack.**

Arthur walked into the warehouse, barely registering his teammates. Eames looked up.

"Artie! You ok?"

"Yep."

"You don't look it."

"I ran into an old friend. Who basically told me to stop being such a miserable, humourless stick insect!"

"Oh, did they? I like them already."

Arthur glared. "Its not funny. I'm really sick of this. All any of you lot do is make me feel bad. If its not Ariadne making me feel guilty for not wanting to eat, its you making fun of me! Or friends making comments! No wonder I felt the need to have a muffin this morning!"

"Oh, did you?" Eames raised his eyebrows. "Turning into an emotional eater, are we?"

"Huh?"

"Well, its simple. You get upset, you eat. You get bored, you eat. Its not our fault, you control what goes in your mouth."

Arthur blinked.

"If you're that upset with Ariadne," Eames looked at him, "she's coming this way."

Arthur looked over. Ariadne was carrying a box. She approached Eames. "Brownie?"

"Why not?" He took it and put it on his desk.

She approached Arthur. "This is for you." He looked up, and blinked when she handed him a stick of celery.

"Is this a joke?"

"No," she responded, her eyes narrowing. "I decided that it was the best thing for you, since you seem to still be on a diet!"

Arthur snapped.

"Ari," he said, trying to remain calm. "I have lost the 10lbs I gained when we were together. I feel better for it, and don't want to gain them back. If you can accept that, maybe we can get back together. If you can't, thats it. End of."

He turned to his laptop. Her lip was trembling.

"You are so- so-"

"What am I?" Arthur's voice was calm. "I'm someone who objects to being guilt tripped. You want to take care of me, its very sweet. But I am not going to turn into some obese blob for you. How would you feel if I was doing this to you? How would you feel if I were constantly trying to get you to eat? You would object, or is it just me? But thanks for the celery, I'll eat it later!"

Ariadne's lip quivered more fully, and she ran out of the room.

"That was a bit-" Eames began.

"Not listening." Arthur buried his head in his laptop.

"Harsh." Eames finished.

"It was intended to be." Arthur glared at the Forger. "I am not going to be fattened up like a prize turkey because of her insecurities! She's worried about me being with other women, thats her problem. I liked her, I want to be with her. But I won't be controlled, its that simple!"

Eames raised his eyebrows.

"Ariadne's insecure. I get that," he began. "She hasn't dealt with this in the best way. But don't you think talking to her might actually be better than simply having a go at her?"

Arthur looked pensive. "Don't start."

"I'm not. But you like her, she likes you - for God's sake, just go and shag her and get it over with!"

"Eames!"

"Well, my two pence worth."

The Forger turned back to his work. Arthur picked up the celery and bit into it angrily.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Arthur approached Ariadne. She looked up, then looked back down at her blueprint.

"Ari," Arthur began. "Will you-willyou-"

She looked up irritably. "Will I what?"

"Come round for dinner tomorrow night?"

She blinked. "Are you serious?"

"Yes." His voice was pleading. "Please? I'd really like it – I think we need to talk."

"OK." Her voice was uncertain, then she smiled. "What time?"

"7?"

"OK, see you then."

As Arthur walked back to his desk, he noticed Eames raising his eyebrows. "Don't say anything," he warned.

The Forger shrugged. "Wouldn't dream of it, Artie."

* * *

Ariadne turned up at 7, dressed in jeans and a lilac top. Arthur opened the door, and kissed her on the cheek. "Come on it."

She stepped inside. "I didn't know what to wear-"

"You look great," he said, sincerely. He ushered her into the living-dining room. "Sit."

The Architect sat, noticing the dish of soup in front of her. "Ooh, whats this?"

"Cream of Asparagus. Enjoy!"

Creamy it certainly was. About three spoonfuls later, Ariadne put her spoon down. "Arthur, what did you use? Its very rich!"

"Double cream." The Point Man was still spooning up the soup. "Don't you like it?"

"Oh, I do, but-" She noticed a slight frown creasing Arthur's face. "I'll finish it," she said hurriedly, putting her spoon in again.

Arthur smiled. "That's my girl."

The second course followed – Beef en croute, with a pastry crust glistening with buttery glaze. Ariadne's jaw dropped as Arthur deftly placed nearly half of it on her plate.

"I'm not sure I can eat all this," her voice was worried.

"Do try."

The meal progressed at a slow pace, with Ariadne feeling increasingly full. By the time the Point Man brought out dessert – strawberry cheesecake – she protested.

"I don't think I can eat anymore, really!"

His eyebrows went up. "But its your favourite!" He stated, with a hint of mock outrage in his voice. "I thought you loved cheesecake!"

"Arthur," the Architect pulled herself up straight in her chair. "I know why you're doing this. You're trying to get back at me for supposedly making you gain 10lbs."

Arthur shrugged. "Maybe I just secretly like fat girls." She looked shocked.

"Arthur-" she swallowed. "You can't mean that, really-"

"It wasn't just the weight gain." Arthur glared at her. "Do you remember how I kept on telling you how full I felt at times, and you just kept on telling me I needed more? I'm amazed I only gained 10lbs! I'm even more amazed I didn't explode!"

"But it was YOUR choice to eat what I served!" Ariadne's face flushed with anger, and she stood up. "You enjoyed stuffing your face!"

"Oh, really?" Arthur shouted back.

"Yes! You never said no at first, did you?"

Arthur swallowed. "No, but-"

"See?" Her voice was triumphant. "I'm leaving now. Enjoy the cheesecake!"

She turned and stalked out of the apartment.

"Hope you fit through the door!" The Point Man shouted after her. As he heard it slam, he cut himself a large slice.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack.**

Eames looked over as Arthur entered the Warehouse. "So, how was dinner last night?" He raised his eyebrows. "Did you start off with a fumble and end with a f-"

Arthur glared at him, and proferred a cardboard box. "Here. Have a brownie, Eames."

"Brownies, eh?" Eames pulled one out of the box. "Is this a new strategy, Artie? Fatten me up so you look thinner?"

The Point Man glowered. "Do you want one or not?"

"No thanks, spoil my lunch." The Forger said, smoothly. "Beside, here comes Ariadne."

The Architect walked to her desk, not looking at either of the two men. She pulled a sheaf of blueprints out of their cardboard tube, and buried her face in them.

Arthur cleared his throat.

"Eames?"

"Yeeess?"

"What do you think of size zeroes?"

The Forger looked up. "What?"

"Size zero women. Are they attractive?"

"Um…" Eames paused. "No. I'm not into necrophilia." Arthur looked shocked. "Size zeroes, Artie. Practically skeletal. Corpse like."

"Yeah," Arthur fiddled with his laptop. "Its good to have something to grab onto isn't? Something to hold, something to sink your teeth into-"

"Arthur!" Eames looked astounded. "When did you learn about things like that? Has your mum been having a talk with you?"

"No, I was googling last night."

"Oh, is that what you call it?" The Forger grinned.

"No, I was doing some research last night on 'do men fancy skinny women'. General consensus, on the catwalk, great, in the movies, great, but when it comes to what you want to hold onto at night-"

He stopped. Eames and Ariadne were both looking at him. Eames' jaw was sagging; Ariadne looked near tears.

"So," Arthur continued, "I guess if you're a red blooded male, you need to encourage women to eat! He held out the box. "Brownie, Ariadne?"

She threw her pencil down. "You are such a sexist pig, Arthur!" Her lip trembled. "How can you just sit there and talk about women's bodies as though they're objects? How can you make comments like that? You are so- so disgusting!"

"Oh, I'm disgusting?" The Point Man looked amazed. "Its great isn't it, having to sit there whilst the size of your body is discussed, whether there's enough meat on you to satisfy someone! Makes you feel really secure and good about yourself, doesn't it? Remember all the times I've had to sit there whilst you and Eames have discussed me? Calling me a twig? A stick insect? Remember that?"

Ariadne was scarlet with rage.

"Well, forgive me for caring about how skinny you are!" She grabbed her blueprints. "Has it ever occurred to you I didn't enjoy getting poked in bed by your bones?"

Arthur went crimson. Eames winced. "Getting poked is part of the fun, in my humble-"

"EAMES!"

Ariadne stormed out, Arthur sat down at his desk and glared at the Forger.

"Oh, sorry, she said bones. I thought she said bone-"

"Put a brownie in it!" Arthur reached for one, and bit into it. The Forger chuckled.

"Looks like you're taking your own advice there, Artie!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Arthur held the newspaper up to his face as he walked into the warehouse. He barely acknowledge Eames' "thought you were here already", until he lowered the paper as he approached his desk.

He blinked. A plastic, full body skeleton was sitting in his seat.

"Eames?"

"Yes, Artie?"

"Why is a skeleton sitting at my desk?"

"Oh, is it a skeleton?" Eames looked surprised. "I thought it was you!"

Arthur flushed with anger. "Oh ha ha ha! Very amusing. But no, I'm here, in the flesh!"

"So I see." Eames turned back to his work, his mouth twitching. At that point, Ariadne walked in, her head held high. She completely ignored Arthur.

"Eames, Cobb wants to see us all in five minutes."

"OK, no problem princess, will be right there."

Arthur swallowed. "OK, I'll be down-"

Ariadne turned to Eames. "Did you say something?"

"No." Eames looked innocent.

"Maybe-" Ariadne turned, thoughtfully, to Arthur's desk. "Maybe the skeleton is talking!"

Arthur was scarlet. "That is not funny."

"I know," Eames sighed dramatically. "Poor Arthur, you tried to feed him. And yet he preferred celery to chocolate and look what happened. If only he'd realised that heroin chic was so 1990s!"

"Look!" Arthur was furious. "Ariadne, get over it! I'm thin! I like being thin! I don't like being fat! I know its not politically correct, but I like the way I look!"

"BUT YOU'RE BONY AND SKINNY!" Ariadne yelled, her face red with rage. "There is nothing of you to hold onto! Nothing of you to keep me warm! Its like being in bed with a toothpick!"

"Then why did you go out with me?" Arthur was flabbergasted.

"Because I like you!" She was nearly in tears. "But you look better heavier! You don't like size zero girls – I don't like size zero men!"

"Now that's unfair", Eames chipped in. "Arthur's at least a size one!"

"So what can I do to make you happy?" Arthur was out of patience.

"Eat!" Ariadne shouted at him, and ran out. Arthur was stunned.

"Eames?"

"Yes?"

"What did I do wrong?"

"Oh, its simple." The Forger didn't look up. "She cooked, you ate, you put on some weight, she found it comforting, you lost it, she sees it as rejection."

Arthur's shoulders sagged. "Now she's trying to make me feel guilty all the time."

"Indeed. But Artie-" Eames' eyes were sparkling. "Come over here. I think I've found the solution…"


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

"Hey, watch it fatso!"

Arthur wilted under the man's irritated glare. "Sorry," he mumbled. Trying to juggle his laptop bag and briefcase was not easy. He waited for the man to pass, who threw a final backward look and comment of "cut down on the doughnuts." Then, trying to straighten his back, he walked into the warehouse, and got up the stairs.

Eames looked up as he entered. "Morning Artie," he grinned.

"Hey."

"Hope the chair will do, it is built to withstand your weight!"

Arthur glared at the Forger. "It will do fine, thank you." He sat down, and heard a creak. He winced.

Eames started to laugh. "Oh, dear. Guess that extra 4 stone – or 60lbs to you – you're carrying is really going to test it."

Arthur flipped his laptop open. "Look, this is really-" he broke off. Ariadne was entering, and when she saw him her jaw dropped.

"Arthur?" Her tone was disbelieving. "When did you get so- so-"

She was staring at the Point Man. Whose previously flat stomach and narrow waist had been replaced by a large gut, that stretched his shirt. His arms looked slow and heavy, and so, she noticed with astonishment, did his chin and neck.

"Fat?" The Forger chipped in helpfully. "Well, its really strange Ariadne. Arthur decided that he had to win you back, and so he went on a trail that led him to a magical cottage with an inhabitant who had a manner of things he could eat – also known as the Food Parade at the mall!"

Arthur looked at Eames. "Do you have any of those brownies left?"

Eames opened his desk drawer, and pulled out a box. Arthur immediately walked over, which was starting to slow to a waddle – and grabbed two. He put one in his mouth and bit into it.

"Mmm, lovely!" He turned to Ariadne. "Are you going to make anymore of these?"

Her jaw dropped. "Arthur, do you really think you should – you should – "

"Should what?" He glared at her.

"Eat those."

"Why not?" he shrugged and swallowed the second half. He noticed her face creasing. "Whats wrong? You're the one who wanted there to be more of me!"

She opened her mouth but no sound came out. At that moment, Arthur's cellphone rang.

"Excuse me." He slid it open. "Hello? Oh, Mom, hi. You're in town? You want to do dinner? OK, great. Can Ariadne come to? She can? Excellent. How is my diet going? Well, I'll look different when you see me, that's for sure. OK, 8pm tonight, can't wait!"

He slid the phone shut and smiled at the Architect. "It'll be a fun evening."

"ARTHUR!" Ariadne's voice had reached a high pitch. "You're HUGE! If you keep on eating like this, you'll-"

"Explode?" The Forger said, helpfully. "I wouldn't go that far, Artie, you'll pay for my dry cleaning!"

Arthur shrugged. "Whats the problem? You said I was too skinny and bony – I quote – will you make up your mind, please?"

Ariadne turned, and made to walk out the door.

"See you at 8pm, as Lucciolas!" Arthur called after her. As she left, he sat down, wnicing.

"How is it feeling?" Eames was still grinning.

"Its hot!" Arthur groaned. He leaned back. "And I'll tell you something about this fat suit. I put it on, it doesn't look like me. Put clothes on it, it definitely looks like me! I look like I've been blown up!"

Eames started laughing. "Don't worry, you can take it off soon! Or maybe Ariadne will stick a pin in you! Until then, another brownie?"


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

"Ari, are you ready?"

The Architect opened the door. She bit her lip when she saw the still very fat Arthur, almost bursting at the seams in a new suit.

"Arthur, are you really sure you want to-" she broke off.

"Want to what?" He glared at her.

"Want to meet your Mom looking like that?"

He shrugged. "Look, it happens. You eat, you get fat. She'll have to deal with it." He looked at her. "Are you ashamed of walking down the street with me?"

"No!" She felt stung. "Not at all. Lets go!"

Despite her claims, Ariadne did feel self-conscious. She was used to Arthur striding quickly and easily next to her – she wasn't used to this lumbering gait he now had. As they stood at a cab rank, Ariadne became aware of a man about Arthur's age, leering at her slightly.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hello," she replied politely.

"So – is this-" he was grinning and gestured to Arthur – "is this fatass your boyfriend?"

"Um…" Ariadne didn't know what to say in response.

"Because if he is, I hope you go on top!" The man laughed at his crudity. Arthur glared at him.

"I'll have you know I'm fantastic in the sack," he informed him bluntly. "There's plenty to grab hold of, and trust me, I'm all in proportion!"

Ariadne's face was scarlet. The man was slack jawed. Arthur hailed a cab easily. As they got in, she turned to him.

"Arthur, I can't believe you-"

"What?" his face was the picture of innocence.

Ariadne fell silent. When they got to the restaurant, he grabbed her hand. "Come on."

The Cab driver snickered. "Don't worry, I'm sure there's food left in the kitchen!"

Ariadne felt herself blush on Arthur's behalf, but he didn't notice. As they got inside the restaurant, the maitre d' looked slightly concerned.

"Do you have a reservation, Sir?"

"Yes. For three."

"Well, its just-" the maitre d' looked slightly troubled.

"What?" Arthur looked irritated. "Whats the problem?"

"Its just-" the maitre d' exhaled. "I'm not sure we have a big enough table."

Arthur glared. "Shall we go somewhere else?"

"No, no, we can sort it out." The maitre d' nervously led the two of them to a table by the wall. Arthur did manage to sit down, but Ariadne noticed he was fairly crushed.

"Can I bring you the wine list?" The Maitre d' still seemed nervous.

"Yes, please. And a bread basket."

"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer olives?"

"What?" Arthur glared.

"Its just olives have less carbohydrate in them, Sir."

"This is a restaurant, is it not?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Bring me bread, then!"

Ariadne swallowed. "Arthur, do you think-"

"Oh, don't start." He sighed. "First I'm too thin, you bring me goodies, you try and feed me up, then I do put on weight, get fat and cuddly, and now you're complaining that-"

"Its just-" she dropped her voice. "Everyone's looking at you?"

Arthur shrugged. "They've never seen someone whose fat before? Wow!" He put his hand into the bread basket and bit into a piece. It disappeared rapidly. Ariadne swallowed again.

"Arthur, you can't be comfortable, being this size!"

"Actually, I'm very comfortable." He reached for another chunk of bread. "I mean, being that skinny – do you know I used to bruise easily if I banged myself on a table or on a door? Did you enjoy hugging me and feeling bones?"

Ariadne felt tears begin to well up.

"Arthur, I didn't mean for you to get like this, I thought you'd-"

She broke off. Another presence was at the table. A tall, dark haired woman, who was glaring at them both.

"ARTHUR!"

Arthur hastily swallowed. "Oh, hi Mom!"


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

"Arthur!" His mother was glaring at him. "Do you think you could put that bread down, if your metabolism can withstand the strain?"

Arthur swallowed and stood up. "Mom, hi." He leaned over and kissed her. "You remember Ariadne, don't you?"

"Of course." She glared and sat down. "I see you're still with him. Despite the fact he appears to have expanded!"

Arthur took a sip of water. "Its just fat, Mom!"

"Don't you dare 'its just fat' to me, Arthur! Do you have any idea how many people are looking at you?"

Arthur shrugged. "Who cares? Oh, look, here's the waiter."

Arthur's mother went purple with anger, but Arthur ignored her as he skimmed the menu. He cleared his throat. "What'll you have, Ari?"

"Tuna." It was practically a whisper. "And salad, please."

His mother nodded. "I'll have salmon with the same."

Arthur scanned the printed words. "I'll have steak, please. With peppercorn sauce. And fried sweet potatoes. And salad with dressing."

The waiter's mouth twitched. "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer plain salad Sir?"

"What?" Arthur glared.

"It might be better for you."

"I agree." His mother cut in. "Just steak and plain salad, please. No wine. And don't even think of bringing a dessert menu over!"

"Very good, Madam." The waiter bowed and walked away.

"Mom!" Arthur's face was red. "I can order my own food!"

"Yes, you certainly can." His mother glared at him. "Have you looked at yourself, lately? You're the size of a house! What have you been eating?"

Arthur shrugged and grabbed another piece of bread. "Whatever Ariadne serves me, really! Pecan pie, brownies, cookies, doughnuts!"

Arthur's mother turned to Ariadne. "Are you trying to turn my son into a whale?"

"No!" Ariadne was shocked. "But – he was too skinny before!"

"I was!" Arthur nodded. "She didn't have anything to grab onto in bed!"

"Arthur!" His mother's face was scarlet. "That is so inappropriate!"

"But its true!" Ariadne suddenly felt the need to speak up. "He was a bag of bones!"

"Oh, so you've been fattening him up, have you?"

Arthur shrugged. "She likes me cuddly and well-fed. So do I. The problem with being lean and hungry is- I was always hungry!"

Arthur's mother was speechless. "How can you do this to yourself, Arthur?"

The Point Man shrugged. "Its quite simple. I like food, Ariadne likes to cook, I eat it!" He turned to her. "But you really need to eat more yourself, sweetheart." His voice was a croon. "I'm scared I'm going to crush you!"

Ariadne swallowed. "Arthur, really, I-"

"Look, remember what Eames and I were talking about the other day? Size zero is not sexy. I really do prefer a bit of fat and cellulite! You'd look great with a few extra pounds on you! Something for me to sink my hands in when I'm-"

Ariadne coughed. She was scarlet. His mother was incandescent. She stood up.

"I've heard enough." She picked up her purse. "Do enjoy yourselves. When you're both hospitalised for obesity, give me a call!"

"Mom, whats wrong?" Arthur's face was the picture of innocence. "I'm out the closet! I like fat girls, Ariadne likes fat men, we're perfect for each other!"

"But Arthur!" Ariadne was nearly in tears. "I don't want to get fat!" She picked up her own purse. "Mrs Ogilvie, wait up!"

Arthur leaned back in his seat, chuckling. He gestured to the waiter.

"Sir?"

"Can I have peppercorn sauce on my steak, please?"

The waiter raised his eyebrows. "It's a very fatty sauce, Sir."

Arthur reached for his water glass. "Seriously. Are you suggesting its going to show?"


	26. Chapter 26

Arthur lumbered into the Warehouse. Eames looked up.

"Morning!" The Forger was grinning. "So how did it go last night?"

Arthur smiled. "Well, my mother had a go at me, telling me I was too fat, and she walked out with Ariadne following her."

Eames burst out laughing. "You're joking!"

"No, I'm not." The Point Man looked at him. "Seriously."

"What did you say?"

Arthur looked at his laptop. "I, um, I told her I'd prefer her with some cellulite."

Eames' eyes grew wide. "Oh, my! You mentioned the C word! You brave man, Artie!"

"Huh?"

"Cellulite," Eames said, breezily. "Can't understand why woman get so obsessed with it. I can't tell the difference between it and plain, old-fashioned fat. And to be honest, its not as though I'm going to be examining it, I just want to get on and-"

Arthur held a finger up to his lips. Cobb was walking in. His expression was furious. He barely even glanced at Eames, and headed straight for Arthur.

"Would you care to explain whats going on?"

Arthur blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Would you care to explain why you seem to have ballooned overnight, and why Ariadne is refusing to speak to you?"

Arthur shrugged. "I guess I just ate too much!"

Cobb glared at him. "Arthur. Don't. Lie. To. Me."

Arthur swallowed. "Oh, OK. It was his idea." He pointed at Eames.

"Oi!" The Forger looked annoyed. "Don't blame me!"

Cobb looked puzzled. "What are you two up to?"

Arthur sighed. "Its really simple. When Ari and I were going out, I gained some weight. You know I lost it, but all she did was question it. Calling me bony, skinny, everything. So, I thought – if I got really fat, would she still want me?"

Cobb was trying hard to suppress a smile. "So, what are you in?"

"It's a fat suit." Arthur winced. "Its incredibly hot, and incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like Augustus in _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_! I now have sympathy for women who are pregnant with triplets! Do you have any idea the amount of abuse I've had just walking down the street? Plus, my mother is probably not speaking to me."

Cobb was starting to laugh. "Don't you think talking to her would have been more effective?"

Arthur shrugged. "I tried. I failed. I reckon if she likes the idea of me being fat, she'll grow to like this!"

"I'm just worried if we have to go on a job!" Cobb was laughing openly. "How are you going to fight anyone in zero gravity with that weighing you down?"

Arthur looked at the Extractor. "Cobb. I couldn't move if you winched me at present!"

Cobb leaned over and patted Arthur's gut. "Nevermind. Just think, maybe another few days, and Ariadne will be begging you to go back to the way you were."

"I hope so." Arthur sighed and reached for his coffee cup. "I'm beginning to worry this will get welded to me and I'll never get out of it!"

"Oh, don't worry, Artie!" Eames spoke up. "Maybe we all think you're lovely fat!"

Arthur glared. "Excuse me, Eames?"

"Well, you can't run as fast. Which means I can do this-" the Forger walked over and swiped Arthur's pen – "without being chased for it!"

Arthur groaned. "You're right." He looked down at the padding. "I hope Ariadne sees sense soon. Otherwise"

He broke off. Ariadne was glaring at him from the doorway.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Arthur looked up. "Oh, hi Ari."

She stalked over. "Don't you dare," she paused. "Don't you even dare try and 'Hi Ari!' me!"

"What did I do?" Arthur looked bemused.

"You in that restaurant last night!" She could barely get the words out. "I was so embarrassed!"

"By what?" He shrugged. "By going out for dinner with someone fat who actually wanted to eat, and who isn't embarrassed by not eating salad?"

"By what you said to your mother!" She looked aghast. "Telling her you liked the idea of me with – and I quote – fat and cellulite!"

"You told yours I was skin and bones!" Arthur glared at her. "I guess I was a little more explicit!"

"What has happened to you?" Ariadne was near tears. "You're – you're-"

"A bit portly", Eames chipped in helpfully.

"Slightly rotund", Cobb added.

"How about we all just say the magic little word – fat." Arthur looked at her. "I thought this was what you wanted?"

"I didn't mean _this_ fat!" Ariadne's voice was starting to rise. "When we walk down the street, people-"

"Stare, and make comments." Arthur's tone was bitter. "Yes, that's right. I get abuse in the street because I'm heavy. And it embarrasses you. But don't worry, I'm sure that if you're not prepared to put up with it-"

Suddenly his email icon flashed. Arthur blinked.

"Sorry, new mail." He turned his back on her and clicked on the icon.

An email flashed up. "Huh? From Alicia?" He looked puzzled.

"Didn't know you knew an Alicia, Artie," Eames commented.

Arthur read the mail out loud:

_Hi Arthur!_

_I've seen your pic on bhmhotties,__ and oh God, you are soooo hot! I really want to just cuddle up next to you, massage your belly, cook you meals, and make you feel like the king you are!_

_Message me, plz?_

_Alicia xxxx_

"And make you super-king sized, on doubt." Eames was laughing. "Oh my God, Arthur, you're receiving mails from desperate chubby chasers!"

"BHM?" Ariadne looked confused.

"Big handsome men," Eames explained. "It's a little corner of the internet where those who like their men large can go and coo over them and try and convince them that they're soulmates." He started laughing.

"Well," Arthur turned to the laptop. "Guess I'll message her. It would be rude not to."

Ariadne found her voice. "What about me?"

"What about you?" Arthur looked puzzled. "You don't like me this size, and you complain if I try and diet. I can't please you. Clearly, this girl likes the look of me!"

"She just wants to make you-"

"What?" Arthur looked at the Architect. "What does she want to do to me? Make me fat? Whoops, too late!"

Ariadne glared at him. "I hate you." She turned and walked away, throwing a final backward glare.

Arthur looked after her, regret on his face. "I should go after her."

"Nah, let her go." Eames looked at Arthur. "She'll get over it."

"OK…" Arthur looked at the email he'd received. "I do wonder how this Alicia found my picture though."

"Well, it's a funny thing, Artie," Eames said. "Sometimes, you really need your friends to give you a helping hand in making you come to your senses."

"EAMES!"


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

"So when are you meeting this lovely young lady then?"

"Tonight, 7.30pm, at Valencia's."

"Excellent." Eames was grinning. "I'll make sure a fork lift truck is ready to lift you!"

"Eames." Arthur smiled. "I know its you. It's a set up. She doesn't exist."

Eames was grinning. "Of course, Artie." He turned back to his lap top. Cobb walked over to hand him a file.

"Thanks mate," Eames took the folder. "Do you fancy dinner tonight?"

"Why not?" Cobb checked his watch. "Any reason?"

"No," Eames shrugged. "Except Artie has a date with a real feeder tonight, and you and I might be needed to get him to an a and e for stomach pumping!"

Cobb shook his head. "Oh, great."

* * *

Arthur sat nervously inside the restaurant. He kept checking his watch, waiting for a grinning Eames to turn up and shout "GOTCHA!" He checked his watch again. Half seven.

"Excuse me…are you Arthur?"

Arthur's jaw dropped. A very attractive young woman stood in front of him.

He got up, awkwardly. "Hello, yes I am." He offered her his hand. She took it, a look of concern creasing her face.

"Whats wrong?"

"Well, its nothing-" she bit her lip. Then smiled. "No, its fine. Shall we order?"

"Um, yes OK." Arthur felt too flummoxed to think about what he was doing. Her light blue eyes scanned the offered menu. The waiter bustled up. "Ready to order?"

"Oh, yes please." She smiled. "Can we have the sea bass and steak, with fried potatoes, and the seasonal vegetables with butter."

The waiter nodded. "Very good."

She began again. "And I'll have-"

"Woah, wait a minute," Arthur broke in. "What do you mean, and I'll have?"

"Well, that's all for you." She pouted. "I'm sorry, but you're a little too thin for me. But that's no problem, we can get you fattened up really quickly!"

Arthur blanched. "I'm too thin for you?"

"Yes!"

"Well, you should see what I look like naked!" He retorted hotly, then blushed scarlet when he realised that what he meant was not how it sounded.

"I can't wait!" She grinned at him, and placed her order. Arthur lowered his head, wishing fervently that he'd just stayed at home. The fat suit felt hot, uncomfortable, and constricting.

Alicia kept up a stream of small talk, but Arthur was growing more distracted by the thought of what was coming. When the steaming plates of food started to arrive, he baulked.

"Listen, Alicia, I'm not sure I can-" he broke off when he saw the steely glint in her eye.

"Arthur," she said sternly. "Eat. I like the idea of cuddling you!"

He gulped. "I don't think I'll manage it all!"

She glared at him.

"Look, I'm really not this-"

"What?"

"Fat." It came out as a whisper.

"Actually, he's practically anorexic." To his horror, Arthur saw Eames wander across. "Lives off celery. Wants to lose weight all the time."

Alicia's face was darkening. "You want to lose weight? You don't need to!" She got up. "You're making a fool out of me, and I'm out of here!"

She left, leaving Arthur's jaw dropping.

"Never mind, Artie." Eames patted him on the back. "Guess we don't need to winch you out of here."

"Eames, she thought, that in this, I was-"

"Yes, I know." Eames was grinning. "And you thought Ariadne was bad!"

"Yep." Arthur looked at Eames. "But I'm still going to wear this for a few more days."

"Suit yourself!" Eames was laughing. "But I'd check your email, I reckon you must be the pick of the BHMs by now!"

Arthur groaned. "Eames. You're dead."

"Yep. Reckon you can probably kill me by sitting on me…"


	29. Chapter 29

Arthur staggered into the warehouse. He was feeling increasingly heavy and uncomfortable. The fat suit was gaining weight, he was convinced.

As he walked in, Eames looked up and smiled. "Morning! Recovered from last night yet?"

Arthur glared. "Eames. You didn't have to rescue me last night. I could have handled it."

The Forger started to laugh. "No, you couldn't! Face it Artie, she wasn't going to be happy until she was rolling you out the door! Or carried out on a stretcher designed for killer whales!"

Arthur sat down, feeling there was no answer to this. He switched on his laptop. Cobb came in.

"Have fun last night?" His tone was almost jovial.

Arthur groaned. "Oh, it was great. She ordered two meals just for me – and then Eames came over."

"Two meals?" The Forger's eyebrows went up. "Are you sure you know what you're doing? Or do I have to put in an order for specially strengthened furniture?"

"Look," Arthur said irritably. "This is not going to go that far. Until Ariadne accepts that I like the way I am, and I am not going to get fat just for her. I'm hoping she's starting to realise that me being fat is not a good idea."

Eames raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Are you sure you're not secretly entranced with the idea of being stretched out on a lounger, being spoon fed by willing nubile maidens? Having them bring you endless supplies of cookies, cake, and chocolate?"

Arthur scowled. "No."

Cobb started to grin. "Think of it Arthur- you'd be like Caligula!"

"I was thinking more of Jabba the Hut," the Forger deadpanned, and the Extractor started to laugh. "Maybe you should make enquiries as to whether Ari has a gold bikini, Artie!"

Arthur got up. "Thats it. I've had enough. This is –"

He broke off. Ariadne was walking in, smiling.

"Is this a miracle?" Eames muttered.

"You look happy", Cobb said sincerely, and she smiled again. "Whats happened?"

"I've got a date tomorrow night."

"Really?" Eames looked over. "Whose the lucky guy?"

"Someone I met through a website. I decided that dating through work really doesn't work!"

Arthur opened his mouth. "Ari, I-"

"Is your mouth open for a reason, Arthur?" The Architect's voice was steely. "Or is it a cue to shove a brownie in it?"

Arthur blinked. "Hang on, you were always making them for me!"

"Yes, and you didn't appreciate them!" The Architect tossed her hair back. "But its ok, I'll just find someone who does!"

Arthur swallowed. "Suit yourself." He turned to his emails.

Ariadne walked out. Eames walked over and patted Arthur on the shoulder. "Never mind mate. You can get that off and go back to being the twig we all know and get irritated by."

Arthur brought up his email account. And blinked. And groaned.

"What is it?" Cobb looked at him.

"Another email from that damn bhmhotties site." The Point Man replied sourly. "Lets have a look."

_Arthur,_

_I think you're gorgeous, but you'd look better a bit thinner. I really want to meet you. Shall we meet at the Smoothie bar on Jackson Street tomorrow at 7pm? I really would like it if you showed up.I'll be wearing a red shirt._

_Katie xxx_

"A bhm admirer who wants less of you to admire!" Eames started to laugh. "I suggest you take her up on it, Artie. Who knows, she might like the really thin you even more!"

Arthur shrugged. "Its worth a shot. "


	30. Chapter 30

Arthur stood outside the smoothie bar. He had no idea why he'd been convinced to come on this date. The fat suit was making him feel increasingly miserable.

"Look at it this way, Artie," Eames had spoken soothingly. "She might be nice! She might appreciate the stick thin you! She might want to cook you carrots and feed you organic orange juice. She might go running with you every morning, getting you all hot and sweaty…"

"Eames!" Arthur spoke warningly. "Just stop it. I know she's really Ariadne."

Eames raised an eyebrow. "And what makes you think that?"

"Well, the email said she'd like me a bit thinner…plus Ariadne said she has a date. It's a front. She said that so I'd check her email. Simple as."

Eames shook his head. "Somehow, I don't think that's what's going to happen."

Arthur smiled. "It will, trust me."

However, standing outside, with people beginning to look at him, Arthur was beginning to feel uncomfortable and out of place. He moved, and accidentally knocked into someone.

"Hey fatty, watch it!" A man snarled. Arthur blinked.

"I'm sorry!" He moved again.

"You really need to lose some weight!" The man sneered. Shaking his head, he walked away. Arthur lost it.

"I can go on a diet!" He shouted. "But you'll always be ugly and probably still a virgin!"

"Arthur?"

Arthur turned round – to see a pretty blonde standing in front of him.

"Um, yes." He couldn't think of what to say. "I'm Arthur. And you're – Katie?"

"Yes." She smiled. "Lets go in, shall we?"

Arthur followed her.

"Right," Katie spoke authoratively once she'd scanned the menu. "I'll have a green salad with thai chicken, and a boysenberry smoothie. He'll have the same." She folded the menu and handed it to the waiter.

Arthur choked slightly. "Um…"

"Look," she scanned him. "Arthur. You would be really good looking if you got rid of some of that fat."

Arthur bristled slightly. "Katie, there is something you should know-"

"I can guess what happened. You met someone, you fell in love, they wanted to cook for you, the next thing you knew you couldn't close your jeans and you were starting to resemble a whale."

Arthur took a sip of water. "Um…"

"It happened to me." She continued. "I had a boyfriend who did nothing but try and feed me. I gained about 15lbs. I dumped him, and lost it."

Arthur took another sip of water. "Er…"

"You need to get back in control." She looked at him. "Follow a strict diet. Get some exercise."

"Katie…"

"I go running every morning, you could join me-"

"Katie!" Arthur finally raised his voice. "Listen. I think you need to know something. I'm not this fat. I'm wearing a fat suit. I did it to prove a point to my former girlfriend, who tried to stuff me like a turkey. I'm actually pretty thin!"

She raised her eyebrows. "Arthur. You are in denial. But its ok." She spoke soothingly. "We can work through it."

Arthur stood up. "No, we can't. Goodnight, Katie. Thank you."

The following morning, Arthur decided to ditch the fat suit. As he buttoned one of his older shirts, he heaved a sigh of relief. Walking to the warehouse felt much easier, and he noticed a couple of admiring glances in the street.

Walking up the stairs, he noticed Ariadne was there. Talking to Eames.

"So, it was good then?" Eames was grinning.

Ariadne blushed. "Well, he is a really nice guy…and I think he wants to see me again…"

"Fabulous!"

Arthur walked in. "Hey."

Ariadne looked at him. "Hey." She turned back to Eames. "There was one other thing…"

"What was that?"

"This really fat guy who bumped into him. Mike told him to watch it, and the fat guy told him that he could go on a diet, but Mike would always be an ugly virgin!"

"Oh, really?" Eames' grin was so broad his face was splitting. "Was this outside the smoothie bar, by any chance?"

"Um, yes…" Ariadne looked puzzled. "Why do you…?"

She suddenly turned and looked at Arthur, who was marching back towards the door. "Arthur! Where are you going?"

"Krispy Kreme!" Came the shout. "I need a doughnut!"


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Eames knocked on the door of the apartment. No answer. He knocked again. Still no answer.

"Who is it?" A grumpy voice shouted.

"Its Eames, and he's not going away until he talks to you!"

A bolt was unslid, and then the door creaked open. Arthur peered out. He scowled.

"Oh, cheer up, misery guts," Eames said airily. "I know you're not sick. You're-"

He broke off. The coffee table in the centre of Arthur's living room was holding an empty doughnut packet, a tub of ice cream, and the wrappers of a few chocolate bars.

"-stuffing your face." Eames finished. "You probably are feeling sick, with that lot inside you!"

"Eames. Go away." Arthur positioned himself on the couch, picked up the pot of ice cream, and began eating it again.

"Arthur. You have not been at work for the last day. Cobb is worried. Yusuf is worried. I will report back to them that they've every right to be worried – carry on like this, we'll be getting the fire brigade to hoist you out."

"Eames, your fat jokes are not funny." Another spoonful disappeared.

"On the contrary, I think they're hilarious." Eames sat down next to him. "You do make me laugh, Arthur. You really do. You get a bit fat going out with Ariadne, go into meltdown, and lose it. You then try and make her think you're fat to scare her. She responds by going out with someone else…and here you are, seemingly determined to get fat again!"

"I'm comforting myself."

"Yes, but your body is full now of little skinny fat cells, Artie. They're whizzing round your body, looking for excess to suck up. So you'll probably get on the scale tomorrow and find you're a couple of pounds heavier. Still, don't worry, you're still on the BHMhotties website!"

"Eames. You are getting on my nerves." Arthur swallowed another spoonful of ice cream. "I'm upset. It doesn't matter if I get fat anymore…she doesn't care!"

"Now, come on," Eames said, soothingly. "If you carry on like this, you'll be wearing a real fat suit before long! There are plenty of lovely women out there, Artie, who won't mind the fact you're a twig. Or bloody annoying, come to think of it."

"But I like Ariadne!" Arthur put the pot down and turned to Eames. "I actually like her! I over reacted, but she didn't listen! Now she's with someone else, and I'm just going to end up-"

"The size of a house if you keep up like this!" Eames was grinning. "Come on Arthur, get with it! Get dressed, come to the warehouse, and charm her!"

Arthur leaned back. "No."

"Come on!"

"She won't listen." He scowled. "And if we go out again, she'll try and feed me again, and make me fat again, and-"

"you'll be soft and cuddly like a teddy bear," Eames finished. "But she'll love you! Now, go and get dressed, if you can actually levitate your massive arse off the sofa that is…"


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Any resemblance to any readers' internet names is purely coincidental! **

Arthur walked into the warehouse, and checked no-one was there. He then walked to his computer, sat behind it, and fired it up.

As soon as he saw his wi fi internet connection was working, he clicked on the toolbar. Opening a page, he started to read the responses on "Askaquestiononyahoo".

_Hi everyone. I'm Aragon80. I have a dilemma. A few weeks ago, I started dating this really lovely girl, who kept insisting on cooking for me and bringing me candy and cookies. I gained 10lbs, and got upset. She got upset as she didn't want me to lose it. Is she a feeder? We are no longer together. I've lost the weight, but I'm still nervous. _

He blinked. "10 responses?" He began to scroll down the page, his eyes widening as he read:

_From: Dellamorte70:_

_A feeder? Are you crazy dude? She just liked to cook! Do you know how rare women like that are nowadays? D'oh!_

"Thanks," Arthur muttered. He went to the next one:

_From: Cyberspice:_

_Stop worrying – at least until she buys a bigger oven!_

"Ha ha!" Arthur muttered sarcastically.

_From: HannibaltheCanniba__10001l:_

_Has she asked you to go into a well yet, with a bucket of lotion lowered down to you? _

Arthur shivered.

_From: xxxrated234_

_I am picturing this chick rubbing your belly with lotion and grinning devilishly. Yes, I am mature._

Arthur blinked.

_From: Clytemnestra76_

_You need to grow up! Has it occurred to you that it might be her way of showing that she cares? She's not forcing you to eat it – get off your fatass and exercise if it bothers you that much!_

"Ooh, thanks for the tip!" Arthur grumbled. He scrolled on:

_From: __Smokerising60:_

_No offence, but your real name isn't Hansel, is it? If it is, panic. If not, stop being so damn paranoid!_

"Yeah, I'm paranoid." Arthur was beginning to wish he'd never asked the internet. He kept on reading:

_From: Tispityhesabore45_

"_IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!"_

_P.s. Fancy a date? _

Arthur winced. "No thanks!"

_From: ShadowX90_

_Whats the problem? If you don't want the candy, don't eat it. If you do, just accept it. Mind you, I'd step away from ovens…_

Arthur scowled.

_From: Eames101_

_Oh, for God's sake. Considering the amount of junk you eat, I'd say you're fattening up pretty nicely by yourself! We'll have to get the doors widened soon, won't we? ;)_

Arthur glared. And then he saw the next one:

_From: Ariadne87_

_OK, I cooked for you. I made you brownies. Its not MY FAULT that you hit 30 and your metabolism slowed! Its not MY FAULT that you started getting fat and lazy! Its not MY FAULT that you're so paranoid! Its not MY FAULT THAT YOU SECRETLY WANT TO FIND A FEEDER! DO ANY CHUBBY CHASERS WANT THIS GUY? YOU'RE WELCOME TO HIM!_

Fuming, Arthur logged off. Eames walked in. "Allright?"

Arthur glowered. "No, not really. Thanks for leaving messages on a question page I logged into!"

Eames beamed. "My pleasure, Artie. I knew you'd want the truth. Brownie?"


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. And resemblance to readers' own usernames is purely coincidence. **

"Morning Artie!"

Arthur glowered at Eames, and sat down.

"Checked 'Askyourquestiononyahoo' yet?"

"No." Arthur buried his face in his laptop. "Why?"

"Think it might interest you." Grinning, Eames turned back to his work.

Puzzled, Arthur clicked on the tab. His jaw began to drop as he began to read:

_From: Ariadne87_

_Hi Everyone! I have a real problem. My ex-boyfriend is so childish. When we were going out, he was happy to stuff his face at every opportunity – and then he gained 10lbs. He lost it, but constantly accused me of trying to fatten him up! Then he started trying to do it to me! He even wore a fat suit at one point to upset me! What can I do? Help!_

Arthur's face was turning crimson. "I don't believe she-"

Eames was chuckling. "Keep reading!"

_From: Lostlorelei30_

_He sounds a real loser! And so childish! Doesn't he realise HE controls what goes in his mouth! You are well rid of him! X_

"I'm a loser?" Arthur spluttered. "What?"

_From: Un-related67_

_Oh, no! Did you tie him to the bed, put a funnel in his mouth, and then pack down pies? You didn't? That was silly, you should have done so and really given him something to whinge about!_

"Tie me to the bed and stick a-"

"Please!" Eames looked at him. "Its only 9am!"

_From:xxxrated__234_

_Didn't you rub his belly for him and spoon feed him everynight? Tsk! I'd offer to do it now, and make sure he appreciates it!_

Arthur felt himself starting to blush. He kept on reading.

_From: KittyKlash17_

_You are obviously a witch…with a cage to lock him in and a chicken bone! Seriously, what a dick! Why are men so unappreciative of us when we make an effort? I'd have just given him frozen ready meals and told him to deal with it!_

"Yeah, you're a witch alright!" Arthur muttered, sourly. He kept on reading:

_From: Xena45_

_What an uptight asshole! Admit it – he was too skinny and bony and you just wanted something soft and cuddly to lie next to at night, right? _

"And that's what stuffed toys were invented for," Arthur spoke through gritted teeth.

_From: RandyAndy34_

_Oh, for God's sake. Just tie him to the bed, cover yourself with honey, and make him lick it off. He'll love it, you'll love it, he'll put on weight, but it'll be so pleasurable he won't notice. He'll stop going around all day WITH A FACE LIKE A SMACKED ARSE and YOU'LL GET TO SHAG HIM AGAIN!_

Arthur gritted his teeth, and then wrote:

_From: Arthur80_

_Has it occurred to you that bringing someone food is fine, but insisting they're still stick thin when they're filling out isn'? Has it occurred to you that I DON'T LIKE having rolls of flab around my middle and feeling heavy? Has it occurred to you that I'M NOT A PRIZE TURKEY TO BE FORCE FED? And has it occurred to you that maybe I DON'T LIKE SKINNY GIRLS? HA!_

He clicked on "send."

"Well, that's that sorted," he muttered. "Eames…"

"…Yes?"

"Fancy a Danish?"


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Arthur clicked on his hotmail account. His eyes bulged slightly.

"What on earth…?"

"What is it?" Eames looked over.

"I seem to have a _few_ new emails in my inbox." Arthur spoke through gritted teeth.

"Oh, really?" Eames was starting to grin. "Do tell!"

Arthur clicked on the first email, and choked when he saw what it said:

_From: BigBeautifulGoddess80_

_Hey cutie!_

_Saw your picture on the website – and you are soooo cute! I am so glad a hottie like you likes curvy girls! And you're available! Email me!_

_BBG xxx_

"Eames…"

"Yes….?"

"Have you been putting my picture on a website?"

"No." The Forger looked puzzled. "Why what have you got?"

"I have an email from someone calling herself 'BigBeautifulGoddess80' who thinks I'm cute, and is glad I like curvy girls."

Eames started to laugh. "Oh, dear! Oh no! Which website is she referring to?"

Arthur peered at the screen. "Its called BBFoxes."

Eames bustled over to lean over his shoulder. "Ooh, look, here's a link. Lets have a look, shall we?"

Arthur blinked. A bright pink backdrop filled the screen, accompanied by pictures of women. Who were, he noted, generally attractive, but clearly all weighing in the region of 250lbs plus. Puzzled, he moved the mouse to the section entitled "BBF Admirers." He clicked. Going to "new additions", his eyes bulged again when he saw his picture and brief description on the screen, stating:

_Hi!_

_I'm Arthur, and I really don't like skinny girls. At all. I like fat and cellulite in handfuls! I am known for trying to feed my girlfriends. Anorexics should date me to get cured! Size Zeros need to be eradicated! Real women have curves! Message me!_

Eames started to scream with laughter. "Oh, God, this is fantastic! Ariadne's gone and signed you up to a Big Beautiful Women website! But then, you did tell her – and I quote – you don't like skinny girls!"

Arthur's eyes bulged. "Eames – I meant I don't like size zeros, or girls who look like they'll snap! I like a nice shape on a woman, but these women, I mean they're-"

"Certainly generously endowed," Eames said. "Mind you, lots to hang onto! I wouldn't mind, but a tiddler like you would probably suffocate in that cleavage!"

"Would you date one of these women, Eames?"

Eames shrugged. "Well, look at it this way. Personality is a key thing, Artie. Regrettably…looks are a key thing too…but a woman who can make me laugh is worth her weight in gold. Or something. Remember that."

"Yep." Arthur turned back to his hotmail, and another one popped up. He sighed. "New mail."

"Give it a click!"

Arthur did so. Leaning forward, he read:

_From: Suzy79_

_Hi Arthur,_

_You seem very sweet, and also very genuine. There are some real creeps about on these sites! I'd really like to meet you. I appreciate I'm not much to look at, and that you're probably better suited to a model type, but…give me a message. Please?_

_Suzy79_

Arthur blinked. "Um, Eames?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"One of the women who has emailed me – she reckons I seem genuine, and I'd be better suited to going out with a model."

"What she means is, 'you're very good looking' – which you are, from about a 100 miles away – and I'm not good enough for you."

"She's asked me to message her."

"Why not? You never know Artie, you might find you're a secret Chubby Chaser yourself."

"Eames. Please."

"Oh, stick a doughnut in it…"


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaime: Inception does not belong to me, this is pure crack...**

"You're looking a bit dressed up." Eames looked at Arthur, his head tilted. "Hot date?"

Arthur looked at him. "I'm meeting Suzy."

"You're not!" The Forger started to grin. "You're actually meeting someone off that website? Artie, you really are coming out of the closet!"

"Shut up, Eames." Arthur glowered. "I think that as my ex-girlfriend kindly put my picture on there, and women want to meet me, I may as well meet one. Is that ok with you?"

"Absolutely," Eames said, breezily. "Its just…how much cash do you have on you?"

"About $70. Why?"

"Because if you're taking her out for dinner, it could prove…" the Forger paused dramatically – "Expensive!"

"Eames. I'm not going to listen." Arthur looked at him. "I'm meeting someone, she seems nice, she thinks I'm ok, that's it. Don't make fat jokes, they're offensive."

And with that, Arthur walked past him. Eames immediately pulled out his cellphone.

"Oh, hey, Princess. Oh yes, he's going to meet her. You still want me to tail? Fine, pay me in cigs, ok?"

* * *

Arthur stood on the pavement, feeling slightly nervous. There had been no picture for "Suzy" – she'd only messaged him to say she'd be wearing a black top. He glanced at his watch. Half seven. He checked his clothes – a lilac tie was his signal. He tapped his foot on the pavement.

"Arthur?"

He turned. And his eyes widened in astonishment.

Standing in front of him was a young woman, who could not be described as slim, but he realised wasn't fat, either. Curvaceous was definitely the word that sprang to mind. Probably about a US size 14, he thought. She was wearing black, but her face was perfectly made up.

"Hi, yes," he spoke to hide how flustered he was. "I am Arthur. Suzy?"

"Yes." She bit her lip. "Do you want to go inside?"

He nodded. "Of course."

As they went in, Arthur was beginning to wonder if he had the right girl. He'd thought he'd be meeting someone within the region of 300lb, as Eames had joked ,and yet here he was with someone who was overweight, but, he reckoned, still good to look at.

As they settled into a red vinyl booth, she nervously crossed her hands on the top of the table.

"You're even better looking than your photo," she said, and blushed. Arthur couldn't help but be pleased with the compliment.

"That's…really flattering, thank you." His nerves were coming into force, and he blurted it out. "You're not what I expected."

Her face started to fall. "I'm too thin for you, aren't I?"

"No!" Arthur felt a bit dazed. "No ,trust me, I am not going to judge you on your size or shape. My ex-girlfriend kept telling me I was too thin, too bony, and the last thing I am going to do is do that to you."

She smiled. "Thank you. My ex kept telling me I was too fat."

Arthur looked at her. "You've got nothing to worry about. Trust me."

A waitress came over. "Ready to order?"

Arthur looked at the menu. "Ummm…nachos, please. Suzy?"

She shrugged. "Salad, please."

Arthur looked at her. "I hope you're not trying to-"

"What?"

"Trying to –"

"Make up for the fact I'm not a size 4?" She started to grin. "Arthur, I like salad, that's all."

"Oh, ok."

"Please don't tell me you're actually a feeder."

He choked. "Oh, God, no! Although, well, I do like to cook when I get the chance!"

She raised her eyebrows. "Steady on Romeo, we've just met!"

Arthur felt flustered and fiddled with his napkin.

"Sorry, its just-" he paused. "I like you. You're very genuine, and you seem very sweet. Its just I-"

"What?"

"I'm just a bit wary." He felt he needed to be honest. "I don't get to go on many dates, and the last girlfriend I had turned out to be a bit of an…interesting case."

"The one who kept telling you you were too thin?"

"Yeah, I don't know what happened there." He took another sip of water. "She kept saying how she wanted something to hold onto, kept feeding me, I gained weight, then I lost it. Then it all got a bit…childish."

"Childish?" Suzy looked puzzled. "How do you mean?"

"Well, I thought I'd teach her a lesson, so I wore a fat suit for a while."

Her jaw dropped. "You didn't."

"Yes." He felt embarrassed. "I thought if she saw me fat, she wouldn't want me, but-"

She coughed. He looked up.

"Are you telling me," she spoke, her face darkening, "that you decided to wear something that _made fun of fat people_ to teach her a lesson?"

Arthur blushed. "It wasn't like that, I mean it! I just thought if she-"

"Oh God!" Suzy got up, pushing the chair back. "You are a real creep! What are you doing now, going out with someone who is fat by society's standards to teach her a lesson as well? Go and see a therapist! By the way, you are too thin – I'd probably break you!"

She picked up her bag and walked out, leaving Arthur slumped miserably in his seat. The waitress appeared, with the food.

"Is she coming back?"

"No," Arthur said miserably. "But its fine, I'll eat them anyway…"


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack...**

Eames looked up as Arthur walked in, a mildly psychotic look in his eyes. Under his arm, he was carrying a large rectangular box. He stalked to his seat, sat down, and opened it.

"Morning!" Eames said pleasantly.

"Mmmmffff!" was the response, as half a doughnut was disappearing into Arthur's mouth.

"I'll try again, "Eames said pleasantly. "Morning Arthur, how are you?"

"Mmmmm eanmmmmg a dommmnnnt" was the response, as the other half disappeared into Arthur's mouth.

"So I see," Eames said, still pleasantly. "But I don't speak Krispy Kreme-ese – hang on!" His eyes widened. "You're eating the _whole box?"_

"Yemmmm." Another doughnut was being chomped. Eames started to grin.

"This is fantastic," he spoke drily. "I'm watching a little guy eat his bodyweight in Krispy Kremes…except when he finishes them, he won't be a little guy anymore!"

Arthur glared, and reached for another doughnut. "I don't care. I don't care how fat I get anymore! No-one fancies me anyway!"

"Bloody Hell," Eames muttered, "he's turning into Bridget Jones!"

"But its true!" He reached for a fourth doughnut. "Ariadne didn't like me when I was thin, then I got fat, then I got thin again, and now no-one seems to like me!"

"What about Suzy?"

"She called me a creep." Arthur took another bite. "No one is ever going to want to go out with me again. I may as well just accept it, and have a blissful life with doughnuts."

"Arthur," Eames said, "you're going to have a blissful life with diabetes if you keep this up! Getting fat is not the solution to it! You need to go out there, see what other young lovelies are on offer! I'm sure one of them will love you!"

"But I like Ariadne," Arthur whined. "And now she doesn't like me!"

"Oh, get over it, Artie," Eames said breezily. "You tried, you lost. Big deal. Plenty of other fish. Put the doughnut down, come on."

Arthur paused, chewing slowly. "OK."

"Right. Lets have a boys' night out. You, me, and Cobb. We'll get a bit drunk, have a laugh, find some attractive girls…"

"Oh, OK." Arthur shrugged. "I guess it could be good."

"Of course it will."

Arthur nodded. "OK." He shut the lid on the box of doughnuts, and turned to his email inbox.

Suddenly, his eyes narrowed.

_From: Suzy90_

_Hi everyone! This is just to let you know that Arthur is a complete creep! He wore a FAT SUIT to get at his ex-girlfriend! He MAKES FUN of fat people! DO NOT DATE THIS GUY!_

Arthur glared. And then he saw the response:

_From: Ariadne87_

_He wore a fat suit? I wonder how he'd like wearing a real one…oh no, I forgot, he didn't, and he accused me of making him fat! What a jerk, I'm so glad I dumped him!_

Arthur couldn't resist. He typed out:

_From: Arthur80:_

_Excuse me? I dumped YOU! Get over it!_

_From: Ariadne87:_

_Oh, go get liposuction, fatso!_

Arthur felt steam coming out of his ears. Eames looked over. "You allright?"

Arthur glared, and then turned and typed:

_From: Arthur80:_

_I don't think so, sweetheart. I'm never getting anything sucked if I have to pay for it…_


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack...**

Arthur breezed into the warehouse, smiling. Eames raised his eyebrows.

"Bloody hell! He – he _smiles!"_

"Indeed I am," Arthur spoke crisply. "I do and I am. I've got a date tonight."

"Really?" Eames looked at him. "Was it that young lady who was talking to you on our lad's night out last night?"

Arthur winced. "Oh, yes, the lad's night out. Can I tell you Eames, going to an expensive bar, drinking your way through a bottle of tequila, and then shouting 'oi, Cobb, tell Arthur I think I'm pissed and that bird fancies him ha ha ha' is not a way to endear people to you."

Eames shrugged. "I still got lucky."

Arthur looked at his laptop. "Yep. You did."

"She was very attractive as well."

Arthur looked at him. "Was that before or after your – what do you Brits call them – beer goggles came off?"

Eames smirked. "Arthur darling, I'll let you know I do not have beer goggles. I have a tequila monocle."

Arthur shrugged. "Whatever you say."

"So…" Eames spoke casually. "This date. Where are you going to take her?"

"Luccio's."

"Oh. You're taking her out for dinner?"

"Yep."

Eames grinned. "Good luck!"

"Excuse me?"

"Well...all your dates lately have ended in disaster. Why don't you and Ariadne get back together, feed each other, get fat together, and argue the toss about it? Think about it."

"Eames. Get lost."

* * *

Arthur checked his watch. He'd been sitting waiting for ten minutes, nervously sipping water. Suddenly, a young woman approached, smiling.

"Arthur?"

He stood up quickly. "Emily! Good to see you!" He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

They both sat down, and Arthur offered her a menu. "Here you go."

"Thank you." She smiled and opened it.

Arthur swallowed. "So…what would you like?"

She frowned. "What are you going to have?"

"Um…" he flipped through. "I was planning on having the Cannelloni."

"Oh, I'll just have a salad."

Arthur's eyebrows shot up. "Just a salad? Don't you want something more…substantial?"

She shook her head. "No, salad will be fine."

He looked at her. "You don't need to eat like a bird…it doesn't impress me."

She looked annoyed. "I'm not trying to impress you. I just want a salad, that's all."

Arthur swallowed. "Well…you could eat something around me, I wouldn't find it a turn-off."

She was beginning to glare at him. "Excuse me? For your information, I am now a size 4 – a year ago I was a size 12. I would like to stay a size 4!"

Arthur looked astounded. "A 12 to a 4? Wow, you lost a lot of weight!"

She smiled. "I did!"

"But you shouldn't feel you have to starve yourself. Being unnaturally thin isn't –"

"Isn't what?"

"-attractive." He finished feebly. "I mean, some people are meant to be thin, others aren't-"

Her face was flaming. "Are you saying you'd prefer it if I was fat? Its ok for you, you're as thin as a rail! What gives you the right to judge?"

Arthur blinked. "Look, Emily, that came out all wrong. Look, you are very attractive, but you were probably just as attractive as a size 12!"

She gasped. "You are unbelievable! I thought I was meeting a nice guy –"

"I am a nice guy!"

"No, you're not! You're a feeder!" She stood up, her chair scraping along the floor. "Go and find someone who's fat, and doesn't mind!"

Arthur gulped. "I really didn't mean to insult you, but –" he paused. "OK, I'll be honest. People who do nothing but diet are boring!"

"Oh, so, I'm boring as well am I?" She glared at him. "That's it, I'm gone! Don't bother to call me again!"

"Fine!" He shouted after her. "I'll visit you in hospital when you've dieted yourself into a size minus 0!"

Sitting down, he slumped, and groaned. "I am now being accused of being what I accused Ariadne of being. Great."

A waiter approached him. "Can I take you order?"

"Yes," Arthur said miserably. "Can I have the dessert menu please?"


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me...pure crack...**

"So, how did it go?"

Arthur grimaced as he seated himself. Eames' eyes were alert with interest.

"Terrible," he muttered.

"What? Terrible? How so?"

"She only wanted to eat salad!" Arthur raved, waving his hands in the air. "Seriously!"

Eames was starting to laugh. "You mean you went out with the female version of yourself? Classic!"

"Its not funny." Arthur glared. "I'm beginning to think there are no normal women around when it comes to food."

"And what about you?" Eameas burst out laughing. "You practically have an aneurysm if shown a doughnut! Get over yourself!"

Arthur shrugged. "If you say so."

"I know so." Eames turned back to his work. Arthur flicked onto his email. Suddenly, he sat bolt upright.

"_Arthur,_

_I really want to talk to you. I think things have been getting really out of hand. I know that we've both said some really harsh things – can we try and talk it out?_

_Ariadne"_

"Wow," Arthur muttered. Eames looked over. "What is it?"

"Ariadne wants to talk to me." Arthur tapped the desk with his pencil.

"Well, I would say yes," Eames spoke more gently than Arthur was used to. "You have to admit, its has got a bit unpleasant."

Arthur sighed. "Yes…and you guys have to work with us…I'll email and say yes."

He turned to his laptop and wrote:

"_Dear Ari,_

_Yes, I agree. Meet me at 3pm at the café at the end of the street._

_Arthur"_

"Good boy," Eames nodded at him. Arthur shrugged and turned back to his laptop.

* * *

At 3pm, Arthur sat in the café, huddled over the table. He looked up as Ariadne walked in, and sat down opposite him.

"Hi," He began awkwardly.

"Hi," she said. She looked down at the table.

"So…" Arthur began, in an effort to break the silence. "What is it you want to talk about?"

Ariadne took a deep breath, and looked up. "Arthur – I'm sorry. I'm sorry about how its all turned out."

Arthur nodded, and opened his mouth. A waitress approached.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Coffee please. Black" Arthur said. He looked at Ariadne.

"A mocha, please."

She nodded, and bustled off. Ariadne looked at Arthur.

"You're trying to prove a point."

"No," Arthur said, his teeth starting to grit, "I'm just ordering black coffee. That's all."

She nodded. "Of course you are."

"Yes, Ariadne, I am."

Silence.

"So…how has it all turned out?" Arthur leaned back in his seat, and looked at her. "It did start…really well." Suddenly, he noticed her eyes were starting to glisten with tears.

"I don't understand what happened!" She burst out. "We were happy! Then you decide…its not going to work."

"No, excuse me," Arthur said, his hackle beginning to rise, "what happened was this. We start dating, its great. You then start trying to stuff me like a prize turkey, I object to it, and that's it. And then, well, I guess I did want to teach you a lesson."

"Teach me a lesson?" She squeaked.

Arthur looked up as the waitress brought their drinks, and waited until she'd gone. "Yep. I wondered – since you seemed to want me fat, how you would react if I was? I take it you didn't like the fat suit?"

Ariadne swallowed.

"Arthur," her voice was trembling. "I don't care what size you are! I know I shouldn't have tried to- to-"

"Turn me into a whale?"

"Well, yes!" She took a deep breath. "Its just…I thought you were too thin, just wanted to show I cared!"

"But its not your decisions to make!" Arthur snapped. "You don't have the right to try and change my body, whether its by starving me, or tying me to the bed and force feeding me Haagen Dazs until you can grab me in handfuls!"

He stopped. A look of slight erotic pleasure was passing over Ariadne's face.

"Don't even think about it!" He warned her.

She nodded. "No, of course not. I'm sorry."

"Look," Arthur tried to speak more softly. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have given in so easily. I did decide to eat what you brought me – I liked feeling cared for, I suppose. You've seen what my mother's like!"

She nodded.

"Look," Arthur spoke. "I would…like to give it another try. But…I don't know if I can. I guess I'm worried that as soon as we start dating again, you'll start trying to pressure me again. And I can't handle it, I'm sorry. I suppose what I'm really trying to say is – I'd rather be thin and on my own than with someone who is trying, perhaps not intentionally, to make me fat. I'm sorry. But I guess I'm just scared that if I go with you again, I'll be 300lbs by the end of the year!"

Ariadne stood up, her jaw tightening.

"You know what?" She sniffed. "No wonder you're skinny! There's no warmth in you at all!"

She turned, and walked out.

Arthur sighed, and picked up his cup of coffee.

"Do you want sugar?" The waitress had appeared.

"Why not?"


	39. Chapter 39

**Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

"OH GOD NO!"

Arthur sat up in bed, in a cold sweat. Getting up, he trudged into the bathroom, and switched on the light. Looking in the mirror, he was relieved to see his reflection looking back at him.

"Right, OK, go back to sleep", he murmured. As he walked back to bed, he pulled the covers up, and closed his eyes.

Then, he opened them again, and got up. Walking to the kitchen, he hurriedly opened the cupboard doors, and pulled out his jar of Peanut butter, his secret stash of Hershey bars, and from the freezer, his tub of double pecan Haagen Dazs. Pulling open another door, he threw them into the trash.

"No," he said to himself, sternly. "You are not going to think of them."

Walking back to the bedroom, he pulled the covers up, closed his eyes, and tried to sleep.

* * *

"You look tired," Eames commented.

Arthur nodded. "Hmmmm."

"Did you and Ariadne-"

"No." Arthur gritted his teeth. "No, Eames, we did not."

"Oh." Eames flipped up his laptop. "Wondered if you'd finally realised there is a more pleasurable way to get exercise rather than running."

"I had a bad dream." Arthur admitted.

"Really?" Eames looked interested. "What happened? Did you dream your suits were all hung the wrong way? Your hair gel ran out? Your mum discovered your secret porn mag?"

Arthur bristled. "No. I. Did. Not."

"So go on, tell!" Eames' eyes were dancing with curiosity.

"Well..." Arthur paused, then looked around. "I dreamt I was tied to the bed and women kept on feeding me."

"Bloody hell!" Eames started to laugh. "You actually had a we-"

"No, I did not!" Arthur said angrily. "I dreamt they kept on feeding me, and feeding me-" he shuddered.

"And then they started rubbing oil into your bulk," Eames continued.

Arthur went crimson. "I did not!"

"Whilst wearing gold bikinis!" Eames finished. Arthur stood up.

"I don't have to listen to this," he said stiffly.

"Arthur, look." Eames stood up. "Just admit. You're scared of getting fat. You don't like the idea. But then Ariadne comes and makes you realise you're still lovable if you're a bit cuddly, and you freak."

"Its not that I'm scared of getting fat," Arthur said calmly. "I just don't want to get fat."

"So you didn't enjoy the fat suit?"

"No." Arthur sat down. "It was so humiliating. Having people look at you like you're a leper. And it made me wonder – how many times have I looked at people who are fat, and just looked disgusted?"

"Stop it." Eames spoke gently. "Just calm down."

"I like Ariadne," Arthur admitted. "But I don't like her need to feed me."

"Maybe you should talk to her."

Arthur looked slightly guilty. "What is it?"

"Well..." he looked at Eames. "The truth is, I'd rather feed her myself!"

Eames groaned and looked at his laptop.

"Arthur. Ever heard the phrase it takes one to know one?"


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belnog to me. Pure crack!**

Eames looked up as Arthur walked in, whistiling.

"Morning!"

"Morning." Eames looked at the Point Man, curiously. "Whats that your holding?"

Arthur brandished a cardboard box at the Forger, and opened it. "Want one?"

"Bloody hell." Eames raised his eyebrows. "You're buying doughnuts! Is that so you and Ariadne can throw them at each other?"

"No." Arthur smiled. "Do you want one or not?"

"Don't mind if I do." The Forger reached for a plain one. "Ta."

"And this is for Ari." Arthur pulled out a glazed cruller. "She loves them."

Eames looked at him. "You're buying her doughnuts?"

"Yep." Arthur laid it carefully on her desk. "She needs the energy. She's been pulling long hours."

Arthur went and sat at his desk. Ariadne walked in, and saw the crueller. "ooh, my favourite!"

She picked it up. "Thanks, Eames!"

Eames looked surprised. "Er...what did I do?"

"Well, I know Arthur won't have bought me this. Arthur screams and curls up if he sees a doughnut, as it actually has some calories in it!"

Arthur smirked. "Of course."

She took a bite. "Its fantastic! Thanks, Eames!"

Eames smiled. "You're welcome."

Arthur ground his teeth and pressed on with his work.

* * *

The following day, Ariadne came into find a crueller and a rose on her desk.

"Oh, that is so sweet!" She exclaimed. She immediately picked up the rose. "I'll just find a vase!"

"You know," she turned to Arthur. "If you did things like this..."

"Yes?" Arthur said.

"It would be really sweet...but..."

"But what?"

"Nothing." She picked up the doughnut.

"Well..." Arthur paused.

"Yes?"

"Nothing, forget it."

* * *

On the third day, Ariadne found another crueller.

"Whoever is doing this..." She said, looking puzzled.

"Is trying to be nice?" Arthur said, helpfully.

"If its Eames, yes." She looked at him. "But if its you..."

"What do you mean, if its me?"

"Didn't you once say you liked fat girls?"

Arthur shrugged. "Well, lets see. If I had a choice between someone who was anorexic, and someone who was 250lbs...I'd go for the latter. I like something to keep me warm, ok?"

Ariadne's face flamed. "You are-"

"Honest," Arthur broke in.

Ariadne picked up the crueller, and bit into it.

"I guess I don't qualify for either of your categories," she said through a mouthful.

"Still time..." Arthur muttered under his breath.

* * *

Four more days, and four more cruellers later, and Ariadne couldn't bear it any longer.

When she came in and saw the latest crueller on her desk, she picked it up, and put it in the bin.

"What was that for?" Arthur asked.

"Whoever is feeding me cruellers – it has to stop!" She turned to him. "I've gained a 1lb in the last week!"

Arthur tried not to grin. "But, Ari! You always look so sylph like!"

She glared at him. "Thank you, Arthur!"

"Well...its true." He said, genuinely. "But didn't you ever worry you were too thin?"

"Well," Ariadne looked pensive. "When I was a teenager, I didn't seem to develop as quickly as some of the girls. I remember when I was in a swimming competition once, someone shouted out 'Ariadne! You're so flat the walls are jealous!"

Arthur flinched. "Thats awful!"

"Yes," she sniffled slightly. "I always wanted to be curvier."

"Really?"

"Yes, Arthur. Really."

"Well, in that case," the Point Man said, casually, "how about I take you to lunch?"


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me...pure crack...**

"OK, you ready Ari?"

The Architect nodded. "I am. Lets go!"

Eames looked over. "Hang on!" He called out. "Where are you two off to?"

Arthur shrugged. "We're just going to lunch."

"Oh yes?" Eames was grinning. "Enjoy!"

Arthur smirked. "We will!"

"Just don't eat it all!" The Forger muttered under his breath.

* * *

After a short walk, the Architect and Point Man were seated opposite each other in a local restaurant. Ariadne smiled at him.

"This feels very..."

"Civilised?" Arthur commented.

"Yes!" She looked at him. "I did wonder if we would ever speak again! Look, Arthur, I've been doing some thinking, and I reckon that-"

"Oh, look, here's the waiter," Arthur interrupted. "I'll order for both of us. So, thats one mixed salad, and one salmon en crout. Thank you."

She smiled at him. "You're so thoughtful!"

He reached for his water glass. "Oh, I know I am."

"I know I got carried away," she sounded contrite. "But I really hate looking at-"

"Bones, I know!" Arthur sighed and took another sip.

She flushed. "Sorry."

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Here's our order!"

The waiter came up, holding two plates. "Mixed salad?"

"Oh, thats for me," Arthur said quickly. "The salmon en croute is for her!"

Ariadne gasped as the plate was put down in front of her. "Um, I think there's been a mistake-"

"No mistake." Arthur said, smiling.

"Arthur," Ariadne whispered, "what are you trying to do?"

"Ari," Arthur leaned forward. "You've been working really hard, lately. And I'm a bit worried about you. Because size zeros just aren't sexy."

Glaring at him, she began to eat the Salmon en croute. Arthur made a big show of dissecting his lettuce leaves, grimacing slightly as they went into his mouth, and wishing they were accompanied by something.

After twenty minutes, Ariadne finished her salmon, whilst Arthur was left staring disconsolately at his empty salad plate.

"Dessert?" Ariadne suggested.

"Um..."

"Oh, come on Arthur!" She cooed. "You love desserts!"

His stomach rumbled. She was right.

"Um...I can do without it today," he said, trying to sound off hand.

"Suit yourself," she said, already studying the menu. "I'm going to have profiteroles!"

Arthur began to salivate. Chocolate, cream, and choux pastry...

When they arrived, he couldn't bear it. They were sitting in a glass bowl. Ariadne picked up a spoon, and began to eat. As if to rub it in, she proceeded to suck the chocolate sauce off the spoon, which made Arthur practically drool.

"Are you sure you don't want one?"

"Positive." He lied. He could have quite happily dived in, mouth first.

"Mmmmmm..." Ariadne licked cream off her finger. He felt himself begin to tremble slightly.

"Oh, these are sooo good..." She looked at the Point Man, whose tongue was starting to hang out.

"Arthur..."

"Yes...?"

"If I covered myself with profiteroles..."

Arthur could barely sit still. "Yes?"

"Would you..."

"Yes?"

"Want to eat them?"

Arthur leaned forward. "I would." He watched as the penultimate mouthful made its way to Ariadne's lips.

"Because..." she whispered.

"Yes...?"

"I can always help you exercise afterwards..."

The thought of him, Ariadne, and a bowl of profiteroles was causing Arthur to come to near orgasm. "I know!" His voice sounded breathy. He was on the verge of suggesting they forget about work, go back to his apartment, and spend the afternoon feeding each other pastries in between bouts of energetic-

"jogging!" Ariadne finished, triumphantly.

Arthur wilted. "What?"

"I can go jogging with you!" She smiled at him. "That way, you can enjoy these and not ruin your diet! I don't want to be accused of fattening you up again!"

Arthur was so disappointed he almost felt tears welling up. "But, Ari-"

"Its nearly 2pm," she said. "We should go."

Arthur pulled out his wallet. "I guess so."

They both got up. Ariadne walking in front of the Point Man.

"Oh, and Arthur..."

"Yes, Ari?"

"Next time you want to make a point, don't take me to a restaurant thats going to cost you a $100, ok?"


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me...pure crack!**

Arthur slouched into the warehouse. His stomach was grumbling, and he felt irritable. Eames spotted him, and started grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

"So," he said, trying to keep a straight face. "How did the lunch date go?"

"It was..." Arthur sat down. "It was hideous!" He raved. "She _tortured me_!"

Eames raised his eyebrows. "Tortured you?"

"With a bowl of profiteroles!" Arthur willed himself to stay calm. "She ordered them, and ate them as slowly as possible! She licked the cream off the spoon! She ran her finger in the chocolate sauce!"

"Stuck her tongue in the choux pastry!"

"Eames!"

"OK, ok!" The Forger said, grinning. "Sounds as though you were going out of your mind!"

"I was," Arthur said, sourly. "I just wanted her so much!"

Eames looked astounded. "Her? Not the profiteroles?"

"Both." Arthur closed his eyes. "I mean, think of it, Ariadne lying there, covered in cream, and chocolate sauce, and then I- then I-"

"YEAH?" Eames shouted, his jaw starting to drop. "What do you do? Come on, this is practically food porn!"

Arthur paused and took a deep breath. "I think I need a glass of water!"

Eames' eyes were enormous. "A glass of water? You need a cold shower!"

"And then I start to li-"

"Thanks, Artie, I can fill in the blanks!" Eames was grinning. "OK, I get it. You want Ariadne. You want profiteroles. But you also want to stay thin! So, there is a logical solution!"

"She thought of that as well," Arthur said, slumping in his seat.

"And what did she suggest?"

"Jogging!" Arthur said, miserably.

"Not of the horizontal variety?"

"No." Arthur's mouth turned down. "Good old fashioned upright jogging."

"Shame."

"What can I do?" Arthur sounded miserable, to the point where Eames started to feel sympathy for him. "I mean, we were together, then we broke up, then we started fighting, now I want to-"

"Get back together?"

"Hmmm, sort of."

"But on your terms?"

"Um, yes."

"Well, the first thing to do is to try and build bridges. Invite her over. Talk to her."

Arthur raised his eyebrows. "You reckon that will work?"

Eames was starting to grin. "Arthur. You and Ariadne have a great deal in common. You're clearly both closeted chubby chasers, with a predilection for trying to feed people! Now, come closer. Because I've got an idea, and it might just work?"

Arthur got up and trudged over to where Eames sat. Leaning over, he let the Forger whisper in his ear. A delighted grin spread across his face.

"Eames! That is brilliant!"

The Forger smiled smugly. "Thank you, Artie. I know!"


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

"Right," Eames said briskly. "Are you both ready?"

Ariadne and Arthur were sitting at opposite ends of a table, both looking determined. In the middle was a large platter, with a cover over it. Ariadne was eyeing it with suspicion.

"Whats going on?" She asked.

"Its really simple," Eames said, grinning. "Myself, and Cobb-" he waved his arm in direction of the Extractor, who was also grinning – "are so fed up – pardon the pun – with you two bickering over the weight you've gained, lost, subtracted, contracted, that we – or rather I- reckon the only way for you to get over it is to compete to the death."

With a flourish, he pulled the cover off the platter. Arthur's eyes bulged, and Ariadne gasped. On it was a rich, decadent looking chocolate cake, three slices high.

"So," Eames said, "its simple, children. It's a case of who can eat the most. And the winner…gets to ask the loser on a date. And the loser has to accept them just as they are. And the winner gets to feed the loser whatever they like!"

Ariadne looked at Arthur. "Are you sure your love handles can take this?" She asked, snippily.

"Oh, don't worry about my love handles," the Point Man responded. "You're the one whose going to be dumpy after this!"

She glared at him. "How dare you!"

"What makes you think I won't like you dumpy?" Arthur grinned. "You'd be chubby and cherubic!"

Ariadne nearly went purple with anger.

"Now, now," Eames said, pleasantly. "Here are the rules. Only ONE slice at a time. You must chew and swallow. If you think you can't eat anymore, stop!"

"And if anyone explodes…" Cobb chimed in, "We're not cleaning up!"

"Definitely not," Eames nodded. "Right, on your marks…get set…GO!"

Arthur watched as Ariadne's hand shot out and grabbed a slice. She put it in her mouth, and took a bite. He did nothing.

After a couple of minutes, the slice disappeared. She reached for another one. Within six minutes, the slice had vanished.

"Arthur…" Eames was starting to look worried. "Are you going to do anything?"

"Oh yes…" Arthur was watching Ariadne. "Feeling full yet?"

She was starting to look slightly green. "Um…I'm…"

Arthur shrugged. "Shame to let it go to waste!" Before any of the others could stop him, he'd reached over and grabbed the platter the cake was on. Pulling out a fork, he began to eat in great bites.

Eames and Cobb's jaws dropped. They'd never seen Arthur devour so much! The cake was diminishing, and the Point Man was chewing his way through it in a methodical manner. Ariadne was sitting watching him, her jaw dropping.

Arthur stopped chewing, and swallowed. "Do you want some?" He asked, grinning wickedly.

She shook her head. "Watching you do that – its made me feel sick!" She got up, and ran out, her hand clamped over her mouth.

Arthur put down the fork. "I guess I win!"

Eames was shaking his head. "Indeed you have!"

"So…this means I get to ask Ariadne out?"

"I suppose so." Eames looked at him. "If she wants to go out with you!"

Arthur got up, and walked to the door of the bathroom. He tapped on it. "Ari," he said gently, "are you ok?"

"I'll be fine," her voice was muffled.

"So…about this date…" Arthur called. "I vote we go somewhere which doesn't serve anything chocolate – ok?"

"You're on!"

Arthur walked back into the Warehouse, smiling. "We're going on a date!"

"Fabulous!" Eames shouted.

"I won't take her anywhere that serves chocolate…"

"Very wise, Artie…"

"But I didn't say anything about not using whipped cream…!"


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. All readers and reviews appreciated, thank you!**

"Right, you ready for this evening?"

Arthur looked over to where Eames was seated, grinning at him.

"Oh, yes," he replied confidently.

"So where are you taking her?"

"My place."

Eames whistled. "Any reason?"

"Yes." Arthur smiled. "Because there are things you can't do in a restaurant, Eames."

"Indeed. Such as sprinkle weight gain powder all over each other's food!" The Forger started to laugh at his own joke, and Arthur shook his head.

"I'm not intending to…" he mumbled.

Eames was still laughing. "No – but she might!"

Arthur smirked. "We'll see, shall we?"

"Just…have fun." The Forger commented.

The Point Man sighed. "Oh, I'd like to, trust me."

* * *

Arthur checked his watch. He'd asked Ariadne to come over at 7pm. As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

"Hi!" He said, breathlessly, checking out her outfit. "Come on in!"

She followed him in. He noticed that she looked nervous.

"If you'd like to sit down…" He waved his hand in the direction of the dining room table. Ariadne raised her eyebrows and did so.

"Right…" he cleared his throat. "Is…melon ok? For the first course I mean."

She nodded. "Yes."

Arthur hurried into the kitchen and brought out the first course, but as he placed it across from the Architect, he noticed she was looking suspicious. He sat down, and dug his fork into the slice of fruit, and she did the same.

Silence.

"Um…was it ok?" He asked nervously.

"Yes, thanks."

Arthur swallowed. This was worse than he'd thought. He got up, hastily grabbed the plates, and went back into the kitchen. When he came back out, he was holding two plates of salmon, with salad.

"This is all – really healthy," Ariadne commented.

"Yes, it is."

The meal proceeded at a funereal pace, with Arthur beginning to feel more and more miserable. This was a mistake. It was over. No going back.

"Um…Ari?" He began.

She looked at him. "What?"

"Pass the salt?" He practically whispered.

After twenty minutes of near silence, Arthur was beginning to wish he'd never done this. He felt more insecure than ever. He stood up.

"Right. Dessert." His tone was cheerless, and as he walked into the kitchen, he half expected to come back and find the Architect had left. He walked back in, carrying a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of whipped cream. He placed them on the table.

"Help yourself." His tone was listless.

Ariadne looked at him. "Do you want me to serve you?"

"If you want to," he said, feeling that all he really wanted was to down two painkillers, go to bed, and pretend this whole event had never happened.

"Then I will." She moved her hands to the front of her lilac blouse, and with one hand, tugged off her omnipresent neckscarf, and dropped it on the floor. Then, to Arthur's surprise, she began to unbutton her blouse.

"Um…"

"If you say um again, Arthur," Ariadne said in a warning tone, "you won't get any strawberries!" Before he could stop her, she'd put her hand in the cream, and spread it across the top of her chest, just above her lacy pink bra. Arthur's eyes bulged.

"Well, come on, don't you want it?" She asked, smiling.

Arthur blinked, then went straight over to her. Flicking out his tongue, he began to lick the cream off her chest, closing his eyes and letting the sweetness play on his tongue.

"Oh, that's so…"

"I need some too," she commented, and as he came up for air, she put her hands on his chest and unbuttoned his shirt. He'd barely caught his breath before a handful of cream landed on his chest, swiftly followed by Ariadne's face.

"Oh dear God," Arthur groaned, feeling as though every nerve in his body was jangling. She gave him a gentle push, and he landed on the couch, with Ariadne clinging to his chest.

"You like?"

"Oh, yes!" Arthur commented, "Oh, yes!"

"Arthur," Ariadne said, looking salacious, "Bedroom. Now!"

He blinked. "You want to?"

"I want to cover you with cream and lick it off, put my tongue in places that tickle, and then I want you to do the same to me," she whispered. "And then you can eat something else…and so can I…"

Arthur was off the couch in a nanosecond. He grabbed her hand. "You're the boss!" With a gentle tug, he pulled her in the direction of his bedroom.

"You're not worried about your sheets?" Ariadne asked in amazerment.

"We'll just have to lick them clean, won't we?" Arthur grinned, a wicked glint appearing in his eye.

She nodded. "If you say so!"

He hustled her into the bedroom, pausing by the table to grab the bowl of cream. As the door closed, he suddenly shrieked, "hang on!" The door opened, and he ran back into the main room, before heading back into the bedroom again.

"What was it?" Ariadne asked, amused.

"I forgot the strawberries!"


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

"Mmmmm…" Arthur stirred, sleepily, and found his face rolling onto something soft and wet. Blinking, he sat up, and put his hand to his cheek.

"A strawberry?" He murmured, confused. "But how…?"

Suddenly, he noticed the now empty bowl, smeared with remnants of cream, and the stalks that were peppering his black silk sheets. A grin started to snake across his lips, as he remembered how his nearly disastrous dinner date with Ariadne had ended better than he'd ever expected…

"_Oh, ah, ah, oh, that's so good!"_

"_You like the way I lick that?"_

"_Oh, more!"_

He cuddled back down in the covers, then realised, with a jolt, that the other side of the bed was empty. His heart starting to sink, he hastily got up, then grabbed his bathrobe. Clattering out into the kitchen, he found her.

"I thought you'd gone!" He blurted out. She looked surprised.

"I was just getting breakfast," she said, sweetly, holding up a bag. "Croissants!"

Arthur felt himself beginning to salivate. "Oh…great."

"They're still warm!"

Arthur swallowed. "Fantastic."

"Of course, you can have fruit if you'd prefer…"

Arthur nodded. "No, a croissant would be great." He went to the fridge, and pulled out the strawberry jam. Sitting down, he picked up a croissant, and the Architect sat opposite him, holding her coffee cup.

"Arthur…"

"Hmmm…?"

"You were amazing last night."

He began to blush. "Thank you."

"Simply incredible!"

"Wow, Ari, I think you need to-"

"I mean, I couldn't believe what you did with those strawberries!"

"What?"

"I mean – you ate TEN of them in succession, covered with cream!" She was grinning.

Arthur put his fork down. "Sorry, are we having the same conversation? I thought you were congratulating me on my love making skills!"

She looked surprised. "Well, that was ok, I mean, you're good at it, Arthur, but the way you ate those strawberries…"

He slammed his knife down. "Enough! Enough already!"

She pouted. "What is it?"

"What is it? What is it? Yet again, you manage to make me feel that your only interest in me is how much I can eat, how fat I can get! I thought last night we could make a fresh start! But no, you still want to fatten me up! Get over it!"

Glowering, he got up, and flounced into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Ariadne stood in the kitchen, a perturbed look on her face.

"Arthur?" She called after him. "Does this mean you don't want to play hide the croissant?"


	46. Chapter 46

**Quick Heads up –**

Brief hiatus for this fic – I'm going on holiday for the next week.

This is to say a massive thank you to everyone who has been reading and also reviewing this story – it means a great deal to me.

I'll update when I get back – have a good week, everyone!


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack.**

"Arthur!" Ariadne banged on the door. "Arthur! Open this door! I get that you're upset with me-"

"Got that right!"

"But – I do want to-"

"Tie me to the bed and force feed me croissants!"

"Well…not just that…"

"I knew it! I knew it!" Arthur sounded enraged. "What are you going to try and do next? Shove a tube down my throat?"

Ariadne blinked.

"Look, Arthur, just open the door and let me talk to you, ok? I admit it! Watching you eat is a turn on!"

Behind the door, Arthur choked.

"You've got to be kidding! All that gulping, chewing, salivia…"

Ariadne tried to stifle a giggle at this graphic description. She leaned closer to the door. "Will you come out or not?"

"Not!"

She sighed. There was only one thing to do.

* * *

"OK, Artie, open this bloody door right now." Eames said, good humoredly. "I can promise you that as long as I'm here, Ariadne will not pounce on you and molest you with croissants. Not until I set the video up, anyway."

A loud coughing noise was heard from behind the door. Eames grinned.

"So…are you coming out?"

"Nope!"

Eames sighed. "I tried, I failed," he said, dramatically. "I think you need to give it a try."

Ariadne gulped. "What do I do?"

"Try and seduce him," Eames whispered. "That should get him moving!"

Ariadne took a deep breath.

"Arthur…" she said, seductively. "Do you want to know what I'm touching?"

She heard a rustling motion behind the door.

She leaned closer to the door.

"I'll give you a clue. Its moist…"

She heard another rustling sound.

"Its really soft…"

A slight moan was heard from the other side.

"And its warm…"

Another slight moan was heard.

"And…I'm going to make it available to you right now…"

The door opened. Arthur stood there, a glint in his eye. With a satisfied smirk, he shot his hand out and grabbed the croissant she was holding.

"Thanks," he said, devilishly, and slammed the door. She stood there, gasping. Then she started to pound on the door.

"ARTHUR!"

The door opened again. "Yes?"

"You're just going to take the croissant?" She spluttered.

His forehead creased. "No, you're right, there is something else I want…" her features relaxed, and Eames looked relieved. "There it is!" He shot out his hand again, and grabbed the pot of strawberry jelly.

"I do like something to dip into," he commented, before slamming the door again.

Eames and Ariadne looked at each other. Eames knocked on the door.

"Artie, just remember this! Its polite to swallow!"


	48. Chapter 48

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack...**

"Arthur!"

Arthur ignored Ariadne as he strode into the warehouse, her close behind him.

"Arthur, stop! We need to talk! Not least about how you took my croissant!"

Eames looked over.

"Oh, is that what the cool kids are calling it nowadays?"

Arthur glared, pulled out his chair and sat down. Eames raised his eyebrows and said nothing.

"We need to talk about last night! You were amazing!"

Arthur looked at Eames and shook his head. Eames kept his head down.

"We need to talk!" Araidne insisted.

Arthur glared. "I have nothing to say."

"You just did," Eames muttered.

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "Ariadne. Yes, I was amazing. Thank you. Now, lets get on with our work."

"But…" she leaned forward. "Don't you want to be amazing with me again?"

"Why?" He looked incredulous. "So you can lead me on with cream on your chest, only to praise me for eating strawberries?"

Eames' jaw dropped. "Cream on your chest, Ari? Why didn't you both invite me?"

"And you enjoyed it!" Ariadne spat out. "You put your tongue on my chest…you dragged it down between my-"

"What? What?" Eames shouted.

Arthur blushed. "Yeah…that was great…" he looked at her. "Shame you think its better than my performance in other areas!"

"I agree," Eames commented. "You've wounded his masculinity, Ariadne. Although I didn't realise he had any to wound."

"I'm not wounded," Arthur snapped. "Its just I wish you'd stop obsessing about what I eat! Why can't you just like me for me?"

"Don't ask the impossible, Arthur," Eames chimed in.

"Shut up Eames!" Arthur roared. "Ari, please, just stop trying to feed me! I don't need it! You'll end up killing me at this rate!"

"Well you need it!"

"No, I don't!"

She glared at him. "Skeletor."

"Chubby chaser!"

"Superwaif!"

"Feeder!"

"Size zero!"

"Wicked witch!"

"Now, now!" Eames got up. "Now, children, that's a bit too much!" He began walking out of the warehouse.

Arthur sat down, and so did Ariadne. They both began looking intently at their work.

After a pause, Ariadne spoke. "Arthur…"

"What?" He mumbled.

"It wasn't just you and the strawberries that were incredible."

He looked up. "Really?"

"Yes."

He looked down again, a blush starting to spread. Eames sauntered back in.

"Here we are!" He said brightly. "One chocolate glaze with custard; one plain glaze with raspberry. Enjoy!"

Arthur swallowed. The doughnut on the desk looked very tempting. He swallowed.

"Aren't you going to eat it, Arthur?" Ariadne asked.

"Um…"

"Look," Ariadne said, "I'm going to eat mine." She picked it up, and took a bite. Arthur swallowed again.

"Arthur…these are really good…"

"Umm…"

"The jam is all sticky…"

"Ummm…."

"And its really good…"

"Really?"

"Yes…"

"Well," Arthur said, grinning, "you won't mind eating both, will you?"

Ariadne looked at him, her jaw dropping.

"I'm not hungry, sweetie," Arthur looked at her. "I took your croissant, remember?"

Her face flaming, Ariadne turned and stormed out. Arthur chuckled. Eames shook his head.

"Arthur…"

"Yes…"

"She'll make you eat your words?"

"Oh really?" The Point Man responded. "Be the most low calorie dish she's ever served me!"


	49. Chapter 49

**Pure crack. Enjoy...All readers and reviews appreciated, thank you!**

Arthur walked into the warehouse, and nodded at Eames. "Morning."

"Morning," Eames commented. "Seen Ariadne this morning?"

Arthur gritted his teeth. "No. Should I?"

"Well, I though after calling her the wicked witch yesterday, you might like to apologise. Before Cobb and I decide to change your name to Hansel."

Arthur glared at the Forger. "Eames, save it, I-" He broke off. There was a note on his desk, folded. Puzzled, he opened it.

"_Follow the breadcrumbs!"_

Swallowing, Arthur looked down. A trail of breadcrumbs was on the floor, leading to the other, smaller office. Clenching his jaw, he followed them, and opened the door.

Ariadne was lying on the desk. In her underwear. And covered in whipped cream and a thick, viscous liquid, that Arthur was sure was maple syrup.

He began to drool slightly.

"Arthur!" Ariadne said, looking slightly surprised. "Why didn't you get here sooner?"

"I…um…"

"Well, come on, what are you waiting for?"

"Ari – its only half past eight!"

"So, the quicker you start-" she looked at her watch. "Come on Arthur. Its only four hours until lunch!"

Arthur hesitated. "Ari…"

"Arthur…"

"Its very tempting…"

"Come on…" she purred. "We had such fun the other night…"

"We can't do that in here!"

"Well, lets go back to your place, and you can indulge yourself there!"

Arthur blinked. "Ari, I'm trying to limit myself to 2,000 calories a day…"

"So have you allowance now…!"

Arthur paused, and licked his bottom lip. He was starting to salivate. "Well…I…"

"Come on…"

That tipped Arthur over the edge. He knelt down, and began to lick the cream off her stomach.

"Oh…"

"Arthur…"

"Yes…?"

"Arthur…?"

"Hmmm…"

"ARTHUR!"

The Point Man blinked. Suddenly, he realised he was sitting at his desk, with an extremely annoyed Cobb leaning over him.

"Look, I know its dull," Cobb snapped, "and I'm aware that Ariadne probably wears you out – when you do get it together, that is – but I need you to focus!"

Arthur reddened. "OK, sorry."

Cobb stomped off. Eames grinned. "Pleasant dream?"

"Ummm…"

"You were drooling in your sleep!"

"Was I?"

"Yes…was it a dream about Ariadne and lots of Haagen Dazs!"

Arthur blushed. "Not exactly."

At that moment, Ariadne walked in. "Hey, Arthur."

"Hey," he said, embarrassed. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine." She said, coolly. "I'm just going to go and polish my broomstick!" She turned, still holding a bagel in her hand.

"Hey, Ari," Eames shouted, "you're leaving a trail of breadcrumbs!"

Arthur groaned. "Nooo!"


	50. Chapter 50

**Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

Arthur, reading his email, groaned loudly. Eames looked over.

"Problem?" The Forger asked, grinning. "Have they run out of Haagen Dazs at the supermarket again?"

Arthur glared. "For your information, Eames, I'm lighter now than I was four months ago. You know, before-"

"Yes, I do know, Artie." Eames interrupted. "Before Ariadne decided you were thin and undernourished!"

Arthur scowled.

"Oh, don't do that, you know its true." Eames started tapping his pen against his crossword. "So, out with it, whats the problem?"

"My mother's back in town."

"Oh, how nice. You get to see the original dieter!"

"Yes." Arthur swallowed. Ariadne walked in. She shot a look at Arthur. "Is he ok?" She asked Eames.

"Ask him yourself," Eames said. "Right, five across…"

Arthur swallowed. "My mother's in town. She wants to meet me for dinner. Would you come with me?"

Ariadne looked astonished. "Why?"

"Because…" Arthur looked at the desk. "She's written the following: _Are really want to see you, just to make sure you're not morbidly obese yet. And as for your young lady – did she succeed in keeping her figure?"_

A choking noise came from the Forger. "Sounds like an offer you can't refuse!"

Ariadne swallowed. "Arthur…"

"Yes…?"

"I'll go with you." She said, decisively.

Arthur looked relieved. "Thank you. Thank you so much!"

Eames chuckled. "Enjoy!"

* * *

Arthur entered the restaurant first. He nudged Ariadne. "She's over there."

Ariadne nodded. "OK, lets go."

Arthur approached his mother. She stood up, and looked at him critically, before her face split into a delighted smile.

"Arthur! You're _thin!"_

"Hi Mom," he mumbled, feeling himself go scarlet. He allowed himself to be pulled into an embrace.

"Oh, this is wonderful!" His mother crowed, hugging him tight. "You're actually thin again! You remember how chunky you were as a teenager, I couldn't bear the thought of you blowing up again!"

Ariadne looked at him. "You were a-?" She was starting to grin.

Arthur nodded as his mother released him. "Yes, I was. Shall we sit down?"

"I already ordered for you," his mother said, decisively. "Steak. Green salad. Nothing else."

Arthur nodded. "OK."

His mother turned to Ariadne. "So…how did you get him to lose weight?"

Ariadne blinked. "Excuse me?"

"How did you get him to lose weight?" Arthur's mother insisted. She took a sip of water.

"Oh," Ariadne said, a dreamy smile on her face, "through sex."

His mother choked on her water. "Excuse me?"

"Through sex," Ariadne said, stubbornly. "Trust me, Arthur had energy to burn! And there was plenty to grab hold of!"

Arthur was scarlet. His mother was silent.

"So," Ariadne said, turning to Arthur and patting his knee, "I don't mind if you get fat again! It means an excuse for lots of exercise! In fact," she said, standing up and tossing her napkin on the table, "I really want to get you home right now!"

Arthur's mother's mouth dropped open in shock. Ariadne was pulling Arthur out of the restaurant. "Come on!"

Arthur swallowed as they went outside. "Ari, I-" he was silenced as she pulled his head down and kissed him. He reciprocated.

"Arthur," Ariadne said, "talking about it has made me feel-"

"Horny?"

"Yes…"

"My place is only a couple of blocks away!"

"Great." Ariadne breathed. "But my place has pavlova in the freezer…"

Arthur looked at her. "One condition. You do not try and force feed me!"

Ariadne smiled. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Arthur paused. "On second thoughts," he said, "I will burn it off later…"

She smiled, smugly. "That's the spirit!"


	51. Chapter 51

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

Ariadne pulled Arthur into her apartment, and kissed him. "Mmmm."

"Mmmm, indeed," he responded.

"That would taste…" she breathed, "so much better with some whipped cream."

He nodded. "I agree…why don't you go and lie down in the bedroom…and I'll get the pavlova?"

She smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. "I knew you wouldn't resist!"

Arthur smiled. "Well, Ari, you got me. Inside this thin frame there is a fat guy just bursting to get out!"

She looked smug. "I knew it!" Smiling smugly, she hurried into the bedroom. Arthur went into the kitchen, and headed straight for the fridge.

* * *

A few minutes later, he re-appeared in the bedroom doorway. His eyes bulged when he spotted the Architect. She'd stripped to her underwear, and was lying provocatively on the bed.

"Here it is!" He said, presenting the pavlova. Ariadne smiled and licked her lips.

"Remember…" she said, "you can burn it off later!"

"Absolutely," Arthur nodded. "So…here is a spoonful for you-" he put a spoon full of meringue and whipped cream in her mouth – "and one for me…"

Ten minutes later, the plate was empty. Arthur groaned slightly.

"Are you ok?" Ariadne asked, leaning up against him.

"I'm a bit..full…" Arthur confessed.

"Well," Ariadne said, smiling sweetly, "now's the time to start burning it off!" She laid back on the bed, and Arthur laid down next to her.

He leaned across to a half open drawer. "Oh, look, its one of your scarves!"

She looked at him. "It is."

He tugged at it, and brought it over to her. "Shall I…?"

She looked at him, excitement sparking in her eyes. "Oh, Arthur!"

Quickly, he bound her hands to the headboard. Grinning wickedly, he got up. She blinked.

"Arthur?"

"Oh, I'm going for a run," he said, still grinning. "As you said, I could burn it off later!"

Ariadne went scarlet. "I didn't mean like that!"

"I know!" He was heading for the door. "And guess what? Your inner fat girl might start bursting out! Think of what you just ate!"

"Arthur!" Ariadne was furious. "You – you SADIST!"

He waved at her. "See you later, sweetie," he crooned. "I'll come and stroke your cellulite later!"


	52. Chapter 52

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

Arthur cringed slightly as Eames walked in. The Forger sat down, and glared at him.

"Um…" Arthur coughed. "Eames, I can explain…"

"Explain what?" The Forger said, his eyes boring into Arthur. "Explain the fact you went out jogging, and left Ariadne tied to the bed? What in the name of bloody hell is wrong with you, Artie? I would have been straight in th-"

"Eames!" Arthur went scarlet. "I'd had enough, ok? Over the last six months, she's teased me, and tormented me, and tried to make me fat, and-"

"Oh belt up, Artie," Eames said, carelessly. "You're paranoid! What happened was this – you're at base a greedy little boy who likes his grub. Ariadne fed you. You got a bit fat. You panicked – and you've been fighting with each other ever since!"

Arthur flushed and looked at his desk. "Umm…"

"What were you like as a child, Artie?" Eames grinned, leaning over. "Where you the type who was trying to get at the cookie jar?"

Arthur went redder. "Maybe."

Suddenly, a door banged. Eames' grin became even broader. "Cobb's here. You're dead!"

The Extractor walked in, a look of fury on his face. He turned to Arthur.

"Would you explain," he said, through clenched teeth, "what you're doing? How dare you treat Ariadne like that? I thought you had manners!"

"Look," Arthur said, standing up, "I don't have to justify my-"

"Oh, yes you do!" Cobb snapped. "I've had it up to here with you and your diets and your neuroses! Now, find Ariadne, and apologise."

Arthur nodded. "OK," he said, meekly. Cobb glared at him, his eyes blazing, before turning and storming off.

"Go and face the music," Eames commented.

Arthur nodded. "OK." He turned – only to come face to face with the Architect.

"Ari!" Arthur said, taken aback. "Listen, last night, I-"

She put her head in his hands, pulled him close, and kissed him. Eames' jaw dropped.

"Ari-"

"No Arthur, its fine." She looked upset. "I'm sorry. I pushed you to it. I wish we could just start again."

Arthur gulped. "Um, Ari-"

"No, come on." She took his hand. "How about it?"

Arthur looked at her. "You called me skeletor!"

"You called me a witch!"

"And I'm going to call both of you childish if you don't shut up!"

Arthur found himself pulled into a kiss again. "Ari, whoah. Listen…we could start again…but slowly, ok?"

She nodded. "Of course."

"And don't try and feed me!" he warned her.

She nodded. "I won't."

Eames shook his head. "Slippery slope…"

* * *

Two weeks later, Arthur walked in, smiling. The Forger looked up.

"Let me guess," Eames sighed, "at it like bunnies last night, were you?"

"A gentleman never tells, Eames," Arthur said, haughtily.

"No, Arthur, a gentleman never tells me," Eames sighed. He looked at the Point Man, and blinked. "Arthur…"

"Yes, Eames?"

"Have you weighed yourself recently?"

Arthur looked at him. "What?"

"Have you weighed yourself?"

"No." The Point Man looked puzzled. "Should I?"

"Its just…" Eames was starting to grin. "You're looking a bit…"

Arthur glared. "What?"

"Rounder." The Forger finished.

Arthur glared. "Do you mind? All I live on are vegetables and meat! No sugar, no pastries, no ice cream, no candy-"

"No fun!"

"I just don't want to get fat again!" Arthur protested.

"You sure Ariadne's not secretly feeding you up?" The Forger looked suspicious.

"Ariadne and I are treating each other with mutual respect."

"Oh, so you're not trying to get her to discover her inner fat girl, then?" Eames grinned. He leaned forward. "Admit it. Do you like the larger lady, Arthur?"

Arthur swallowed. "Well…I don't mind." He looked slightly guilty.

"Nothing to feel guilty about." Eames raised his eyebrows.

Arthur shrugged. "Maybe. But Ariadne is not trying to feed me up, Eames." He bent over, and grimaced.

"Problem?"

Arthur shrugged. "Probably just shrunk in the wash." He walked out, whistling.

Eames shook his head. "Something…" curiosity getting the better of the Forger, he wandered over to Ariadne's desk, and pulled out a drawer. Suddenly, his face split into a grin.

"Oh, Arthur!" He muttered, trying not to laugh. "You don't stand a chance!"


	53. Chapter 53

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

Arthur pulled on his suit, and tugged at it. It was definitely feeling tighter. He frowned.

"You ok?"

He turned. Ariadne had come up behind him and hugged him.

"Ari," he said, looking worried, "am I gaining weight again?"

"No," she said, looking angelic. "You're as skinny as a rake…but its ok, I like it."

He pulled her close. "Thank you."

She hugged him. "Anytime."

* * *

"You all right, Arthur?"

The Point Man looked up. Eames was looking at him.

"I'm fine," he lied, trying to ignore the suit pants that were starting to nip at his waist.

"You sure? You look a bit…uncomfortable."

"Um…my suit just feels a bit tight today, that's all."

"Really?" Eames raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah." Arthur shifted in his seat.

"You sure Ariadne's not fattening you up?" Eames looked almost amused.

"No," Arthur said tersely, "she's not."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Well, in that case…" Eames paused. "Its probably just bloating. Get yourself tested. Maybe you've not got a wheat allergy, in addition to everything else!"

Arthur glared. "Thanks."

"Seriously, Artie," Eames said, "you don't eat sugar, or dairy…if you give up wheat, you may as well get some fluffy white ears and call yourself a rabbit. On second thoughts, you could get Ariadne to wear them!"

"Eames. Stop it." Arthur leaned forward.

"Don't lean too far," Eames grinned. "You might rip something! Seriously, Artie, I'm beginning to think you're allergic to relationships! They make you swell up, get podgy!"

"I'm not getting podgy!" Arthur practically shouted.

Ariadne came in. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, Arthur's getting fat again," Eames said, breezily. "Still, it'll give you something to gra-"

"No, he's not!" Ariadne said, angrily. "Its probably just the washing powder!"

Eames blinked. "Really, Ari?" He looked in her direction.

"Yes," she said, defensively. Kissing Arthur on the cheek, she handed him a plastic box. "Your lunch!"

"Whats in it?" Eames asked.

Arthur peeled back the lid. "Tuna. And green salad."

"Really?" Eames looked at him. "No…seasoning on it, at all?"

"Lemon juice, on the tuna," Ariadne said, kissing Arthur again. "That's all!"

Eames looked at her. "If you say so." He smiled again. "Nothing out the drawer, then?"

"No," Ariadne said, starting to sound irritated. "I'll see you guys later!"

Eames shook his head.

"There you go," Arthur said, smugly. "Washing powder."

"You say so," Eames commented, thinking of the drawer. "I just wouldn't eat that salad, that's all…"


	54. Chapter 54

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack!**

"Morning!" Eames grinned at Arthur as he walked in. The Point Man glared at him. "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing," Eames commented, airily. "Its just that you used to be sour and intense. Now you've got a ew look!"

"Oh, really?" Arthur said, sarcastically. "And what look would that be?"

Eames snorted with laughter. "A contented look. In fact, Arthur, you've got the contented look of a man who is extremely well fed!"

Arthur scowled. "Contented? Contented? Eames, all I live on is salad and steak, and my clothes still feel tight! Either they're shrinking in the wash or-"

"Or you keep eating cookies late at night?" The Forger asked, grinning. "Or you eat in your sleep. Or you're being secretly sabotaged by your lovely girlfriend, who has a new secret weapon…"

Arthur looked at Eames. "What?"

"A new secret weapon," Eames said, smiling. "Want to see what is it?"

Arthur frowned. "Go ahead."

Eames pulled open his own desk drawer, and brought out a canister. "Here you are." He tossed it to Arthur, who caught it, his eyes widening as he read the label.

"Weighing it up," he said aloud, "a protein powder to help increase muscle bulk-" he looked at the Forger. "She's been sprinkling this on my food!"

"Yep," Eames said, nodding. "She's still trying to fatten you up, Artie! Face it!" He looked at the Point Man, enjoying the look of dawning shock on his face.

Arthur glowered. "She's not going to get away with this!"

"Sounds good," Eames said, grinning. "What are you going to do?"

"Well, maybe sprinkle a little of this on things she likes…" Arthur said casually. "Not too much, mind. Only enough for her to go up a size."

"Arthur!" Eames' eyebrows shot up. "That's rather crude of you!"

"I meant dress size!" The Point Man said, irritably. Eames nodded. "If you say so, Artie!"

"So," Arthur said, grinning, "lets get started!"

Eames shrugged. "If you like. I do believe she's rather fond of Danish pastries. Do you want to do the honours?"

Arthur nodded. "Of course! I know exactly the kind of pastries she likes. Plus, there are other things as well…"

Eames raised his eyebrows. "Easy, tiger! You don't want her ending up morbidly obese!"

Arthur grinned. "No. Just a bit tubby. It would make her think twice!"

Eames looked astounded. "Arthur! How vindictive! How evil!"

Arthur looked at Eames and raised his eyebrows. "You can never have enough of a good thing, right?"

* * *

A couple of days later, Ariadne was chewing a pastry, slowly. Arthur looked over. "You ok?"

"Yes," she said, swallowing. "These just seem – really filling."

Arthur shrugged. "Probably a recipe change."

"Possibly."

A snort of laughter escaped from Eames. He buried his face in his crossword. "Right, three across. Five letters. Ooh, here's the clue. "Can possibly be used to describe a container to hold something, or someone who is getting a bit corpulent. Any ideas?"

Arthur swallowed. "Tubby?" He said, innocently. Eames looked at him. "Perfect, thanks Artie!"

Ariadne shifted in her seat. Arthur looked at her. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah." She put the pastry down. "I'm going to go for a walk. I'm feeling really full."

As she got up and left, Eames looked at the Point Man. "How much did you put on that?"

"Oh, only a teaspoon full," Arthur said, "but its enough to make a difference!" He looked at his laptop.

"You know," Eames said, looking at the Point Man, "I think the two of you would be really lovely fat together. You'd both be cherubic looking. Cute. And everyone would think, oh, how sweet, two chubby types together!"

He started to laugh. The Point Man grinned. "Listen, Eames," he said, smiling, "after this, I hope Ariadne decides she prefers me thin!"

"Well," Eames said, glancing at him, "would you prefer her fat though?"

Arthur was gazing out of the window at the Architect. "Ask me in a week!"


	55. Chapter 55

**Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Eames looked up as Ariadne entered the Warehouse. She looked uncomfortable. "Are you all right, Princess?" he asked, concern in his voice.

She sat down, sighing. "No, not really. My clothes feel tighter than they did last week. I think I'm gaining weight, but not sure why!"

"Pregnancy?" Eames suggested, grinning. He heard a muffled squeak from the kitchen and a slight crash. He raised his eyebrows. "Please don't tell me we could have a mini-Arthur running around here!"

"No!" The Point Man hurried out, looking flustered. "Eames, Ari is not pregnant, we're very careful!"

Ariadne flushed scarlet. "Arthur!"

Eames shrugged. "Well, if its not pregnancy...water retention?"

"Hey!" Arthur looked annoyed. "How come you never told me it might be water retention when I gained a few pounds?"

"Because you were stuffing your face at every opportunity!" The Forger retorted. "Packing it away like an overgrown hamster!"

Arthur glared. Then turned to Ariadne. "I'm sure it is just water," he said, kindly. "Don't worry."

Ariadne sighed. "I hope so. I think I might turn into a whale otherwise."

"Well," Arthur said, his eyes glinting, "then I'd get to be the harpoon!"

Ariadne went crimson. "Arthur!"

He shrugged. "Doesn't bother me."

"It bothers me!" She burst out, and getting up, started to walk out of the room. Arthur sat at his desk, Eames looked at him.

The Forger coughed. "Arthur-"

"Yes, Eames?"

"Don't you think that was a bit-" the Forger paused – "risqué?"

Arthur looked innocently at him. "I was just making an observation! She ends up the size of a whale, I get to-"

"OK, thanks, enough!" Eames said, putting his hands up. "But do you intend to let her get to that size?"

"Not in the slightest," Arthur said. "I might wait another three pounds or so. Make her realise how uncomfortable I was!"

"Oh you two," Eames leaned back in his chair, grinning. "Face it. Both of you want to just make the other fat, roll around, and enjoy it!"

Arthur smirked. "Maybe."

Eames was laughing again. "Maybe?"

Arthur shrugged. "I've invited Ariadne over for dinner tonight." He reached in his pocket and pulled out the tube of weight gain powder. "See how much she likes it!"

"Now, thats devious."

Arthur looked at him. "So is she! I gained 5 lbs thanks to her sprinkling this on my food! Whats she trying to do?"

"Turn you into a prize porker and enter you in a Country fair?" The Forger sniggered. Arthur scowled. "Make sure she has something soft and cuddly to hold on to at night!"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "If she just wanted something soft and cuddly she can buy a teddy bear!" He shook his head. "No, its power, Eames. Power of feeding me, making me feel-"

"Paranoid?"

Arthur shrugged. "If you like. But she's coming over tonight, and trust me, she'll be leaving feeling very, very full!"

"Artie. Don't get carried away. I'm not explaining to Cobb why his Architect exploded!"


	56. Chapter 56

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Arthur whistled as he packed away his laptop. Eames looked at him.

"You're in a hurry," he commented.

"Well, I need to get home," Arthur said, grinning. "I do have Ariadne coming over for dinner!"

Eames raised his eyebrows. "Oh yes. The fed is becoming the feeder…honestly Arthur, there are therapists to deal with this kind of problem!"

Arthur looked innocent. "I promise I won't hurt her. Really. But tonight is going to be fun!"

Eames looked at him. "Considering you're a man who lives his life at a level of fun that would prompt a battery chicken to take up an evening class, I'll ignore that comment. But enjoy!"

* * *

Ariadne rang the doorbell. She was feeling nervous, and pulled at the slightly tighter waistband of her jeans. She licked her bottom lip in anticipation. She pressed again, no response.

Puzzled, she pushed at the door. To her surprise, it swung open.

"Arthur?" She called out. No response. Then, she spotted something on the floor. Leaning down, she inspected it.

"Chocolate sprinkles?" She said, her curiosity piqued. "But why…?"

Walking forward, she entered the living room. On the table was a bowl of strawberries. Her face creasing slightly, she picked them up, and put one in her mouth. She then spotted the note.

_Don't eat them all at once!_

Scowling slightly, she picked them up, and continued walking. No sign of Arthur in the kitchen.

"OK," she muttered to herself, "where are you?"

Only one place left.

She moved, purposefully, to the bedroom. The door was shut. She tapped on it. "Arthur, are you in here?"

"Of course!" a voice shouted.

She opened the door, and her eyes widened.

The Point Man was lying on the bed, and from what she could see, he was naked. Except for the whipped cream that was covering him from his neck to his feet.

"Ari!" He said, grinning wickedly. "You finally turned up! And here I was thinking I would have to eat this myself!"

She blinked. "Arthur – how much cre-"

"Just come over here," he said, suggestively. Biting her lip, she walked over. She was still holding the strawberries. "What do I do with these…?"

"Well, you could just dip them in the cream…or decorate me with them." He looked at her. "Didn't you once tell me dessert was the best part of the meal?"

"Arthur, I-"

"Ari. This cream is pretty sticky. Start licking. There's a good girl."

Ariadne paused, and then began to smile. She started unwinding her scarf from her neck. "This was such a good idea…"

"Wasn't it just?" he purred. "I do have great ideas. And I'm sure you just want to bury your head in my-"

She glared at him.

"Chest," he finished, feebly.

"Put your arms up," she whispered, suggestively. He did so. Suddenly, she started winding the scarf around his wrists. "Hey!" he protested. She grinned.

"Come on, you did it to me!"

"I know, but – mmmfff!" as she thrust a large strawberry into his mouth. He glared at her as she grinned and and hopped off the bed. "See you soon!"

"Whmmmffff arff -?"

"To get a camera," Ariadne said, sweetly. "Oh, I forgot – I leant mine to Eames!"

Arthur's eyebrows shot up. "Mmmmmffff! Mmmmm!"

"See you soon, stud!" She said silkily. "Don't choke!"


	57. Chapter 57

**Disclaimer. Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Ariadne closed the door, and started walking. She smiled to herself, thinking how Eames would react when he saw Arthur. Lying there, naked, covered in cream and tied to the bed-

Blinking, she turned round and ran straight back to the Point Man's apartment. "What was I thinking?" she muttered to herself.

She fished the key out of her pocket, and let herself in. She walked towards the bedroom. "Arthur?" she called out.

"Mmmm! Mmmmffffmmm!"

She opened the door and went in. Arthur glared at her, his expression livid. He was still pulling against the scarf, and the strawberry was still in his mouth. His eyes narrowed.

"Arthur," Ariadne said, walking towards him, "I know you're probably furious with me-"

"Mmmmmfff! Mmmmmm! Ymmmmmfff!"

"But," she breathed, bending over the end of the bed. "You look so _hot_ like this!"

His eyebrows went up. As if to illustrate her point, she began to lick the cream off his chest. The Point Man's face twitched, and started to relax.

"Mmmmm…"

"You want more?" She asked, looking up. He nodded, vigorously. She put her tongue to his chest and began to lick again.

"Oh, Arthur…"

"Mmmmm…"

"Oh, this is so sweet…"

"Mmmmm…"

"You know what I want right now?"

"Mmmmmm!"

"More than anything else in the world?"

"Mmmmmmmmmmm!"

"I want to cover you with sprinkles…"

"MMMMMMMMMM!"

"And a sliced banana…"

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"And eat it really slowly…"

"!"

Ariadne turned. Arthur was practically scarlet. She pulled the strawberry out of his mouth. "You ok?"

"Ariadne!" Arthur all but shouted. "Will you please just get on with it before I combust!"

"You want me to?"

"YESSS!" Arthur looked at her. "Just lick me, please!"

She grinned. "Of course!" Dropping to her knees, she began to lick his chest. He closed his eyes, feeling a sense of bliss.

A few minutes later, Ariadne spoke. "Arthur?"

"Mmmm?"

"This cream is really thick." She looked at him. "And there is this powdery texture to it…"

Arthur blinked. "Yes…so?"

"ARTHUR!" Ariadne glared at him. "YOU FOUND THE WEIGHT GAIN POWDER DIDN'T YOU?"

The Point Man looked at her. "Oh, so you're admitting to it, are you?"

She flushed. "I don't know what you mean-"

"You don't?" He practically shrieked. "That you were sprinkling it on my food? No wonder I gained 5lbs in ten days! What am I to you, a turkey to be stuffed? A teddy bear that needs to be cuddly? I could probably go up to 500lbs and you'd still feel the urge to feed me!" He looked at her. "I really think you need a shrink!"

"You're doing it to me!" She glared at him.

"And you deserve it!" He glared back.

"You know what?" Ariadne snarled. "I really…really want to- to-"

He raised his eyebrows. "Get me up to 300lbs and put me in a country fair?" She swallowed and looked at him.

"Well," Ariadne said, slightly breathlessly, "at the moment, just lick your chest again!" She glared at him. "And after that, we both go on a diet!"

Arthur nodded, vigorously. "Agreed. Now, just lick me!"

"


	58. Chapter 58

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Arthur rolled over, and winced. His face hit something cold, and damp.

"Um…" he mumbled. Moving his arm, he found Ariadne's sleeping form. "Um…"

Blinking, he began to prop himself on his elbow. His eyes widened as he saw the ice cream carton that was lying on the pillow. "Ari…"

"Hmmm?" The Architect stirred, and began to sit up. "What is it?"

"How much did we eat last night?" Arthur exclaimed. "A cheesecake box…and the ice cream carton…" he groaned, and clutched his stomach. "Tell me I dreamt it!"

"You didn't," Ariadne said, propping herself up. "The empty cheesecake box is on the floor!"

"What?" Arthur closed his eyes. "No wonder I feel…"

He opened his eyes, Ariadne was looking at him. "Like a beached whale." He groaned again. "What happened?"

"Well, you were covered with cream…you asked me to lick it off…and then…"she blushed.

"We did, didn't we?"

"Eat a vanilla cheesecake, praline ripple haagen dazs, and the strawberries in the fridge? Yes. You did. Most of it, anyway!"

Arthur looked at her. "I mean…did we do something else?"

"Yes." She giggled. "You had a lot of energy!"

"Considering the amount I ate, I had a lot of calories to burn!" Arthur grumbled. "Ari, we can't do this again. I won't be able to fit through the door!"

"Exactly," she purred, crawling over to him, which nearly made him pant. "You'll be all mine!"

Arthur swallowed. "Ari, I am not going to turn into your love whale, and I don't care how much you pout!"

"But last night was such fun…" She cuddled up to him. "Plus a little more round your middle means I have something to hold…"

Arthur looked at her. He didn't remember much of what had happened the previous night, aside from some energetic licking of cream and other activities. He blushed.

"Come on…got any more energy?"

"Ari, I have my limits!"

She smiled, and kissed him. "OK. I'd better get going, Cobb wanted me in by 10am."

Arthur nodded. "OK." He kissed her back. "See you later."

She got up, and picking up her clothes, headed for the bathroom. Arthur pushed himself off the bed, and reached for his robe. As he shrugged into it, and walked to the kitchen, he heard her singing in the shower. He smiled.

"Oh, come on," he muttered to himself, "you're happy, what difference does a few pounds make-"

He stopped. There was a sweet scent in the air. He sniffed, puzzled. Going to the bin, he noticed cream on the top. He opened it. Inside was a whole cheesecake, and, he realised, a melting puddle of ice cream.

Arthur let the bin lid drop with a clang. She'd opened them, emptied them, and then taken the containers into the bedroom…

"ARI!"


	59. Chapter 59

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

"You allright?" Eames looked up as Arthur walked in. The Point Man was scowling, and glared at the Forger.

"Oh dear," Eames commented, looking back at his crossword puzzle. "Trouble in paradise. What happened? Did Ariadne bring you cheesecake and then tell you you could only eat half of it?"

Arthur glowered. "No, not exactly."

"Then what?"

"She pretended I'd eaten a whole cheesecake!" he huffed. "She tricked me! Its not fair! She's the one whose supposed to be suffering!"

"Arthur!" Eames looked shocked. "Making Ariadne suffer – you cruel boy!" He looked at the Point Man. "Make her suffer, why exactly?"

Arthur groaned. "Its complicated."

"Don't worry, I have a degree in psychology."

Arthur's eyebrows raised. "You do?"

Eames looked irritated. "I'm not some uneducated oik, thanks very much! I'm a good listener. So, why do you want to make Ariadne suffer? More specifically, tell me about this secret fat fetish of yours."

"Well," Arthur began, "I was an geeky teenager-" he blushed as the Forger looked surprised – "and never got dates."

"Neither did I," Eames admitted, "but that might have been due to my love of Dungeons and Dragons gaming. Do go on."

"Well, the only girls who I got on with were the fat girls," Arthur admitted. "They were funny, and smart, and even when I went to college, they were still the ones who were funny and smart the most."

"Hmmm," Eames said, nodding sagely. "So you associate fat and a woman with intelligent?" He shook his head. "Not a good move. Very stereotyping of you."

"I know!" Arthur exclaimed, "but the truth is – I also like them!"

"Any reason?" Eames said, grinning.

"Well," Arthur blushed. "My mother was always on a diet, I suppose I assumed that if someone was heavy, she was more-" he went redder still – "cuddly."

"I knew it!" Eames started to laugh. "You want to feel comforted! You want to feel loved! But, is it really fair to try and do that to Ariadne?"

"Only because she tried to do it to me!"

"Arthur," Eames said patiently. "Go and talk to her. You like her, and vice versa. Seriously, after a few cosy weeks of staying in together, you'll both start to get fat. Being in a happy relationship can lead to weight gain."

"Is that your psychological opinion?"

"No. It was on the front cover of _Cosmo_."

"Thanks." Arthur looked at him. "I do like heavier girls, but-"

"But Ariadne isn't," Eames said, gently. "And if you come to a resolution, you might find you don't have to get heavier, either."

Arthur blinked. "True."

"You'd both be rather cute if you were fat," Eames said, grinning, "but I think how you feel is more important. Go and tell her the truth. Tell her whats going on…she might admit to you why she wants to feed you."

Arthur nodded. "I will. Oh, and Eames-"

"Yes?"

"For a selfish, womanising, thoughtless, gambling egotistical pain in the ass…you're actually quite helpful."

"Thank you, Artie. And for an anal, miserable, humourless, unimaginative, demanding sourpuss…you're all right."

Arthur blushed, and turned to the door. "By the way," he called over his shoulder, "I never realised you have psychology degree."

"Oh, I don't!" Eames said, grinning. "But it got you to spill your guts, didn't' it?"

"EAMES!"


	60. Chapter 60

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack...**

Ariadne sighed in frustration, and bit the end of her pencil. She was hoping that Arthur would drop by, but it looked likely that he wouldn't.

She sighed again. Arthur was-

"Ari?"

She looked up. The Point Man was standing in front of her. She smiled. "Hey."

"Listen," he swallowed, nervously, "we need to talk. There's something I need to tell you."

She nodded. "Go ahead."

"Ari…" Arthur looked at her, his heart pounding. "I need to come out of the closet."

Her face fell. "You're gay?"

"No," he said, feeling slightly exasperated. "I'm a…chubby chaser."

"You WHAT?"

He blinked as the Architect looked at him. "YOU'RE the chubby chaser? When you made all that fuss about me feeding YOU?"

"Well," Arthur said, lamely, "I like to cook, and eat, but you were getting excessive!"

"So what are you going to do?" She demanded, hotly. "Try and fatten me up?"

"Ari, no!" Arthur said, annoyed. "That's a bit cruel. I won't, I promise. But…my preference is for…heavier girls. You're the skinniest one I've ever dated!"

"I'm the skinniest?" She looked at him, her face reddening. "What's wrong, aren't I womanly enough for you?"

"I don't mean curves," Arthur protested. "I mean, fat!"

She glared at him. "So…I'm not your type."

"And I'm not yours!" Arthur pointed out. "You want someone heavier, and-" he broke off. The Architect was storming out. Arthur slumped into a seat.

"Great", he mumbled.

"You ok, Princess?" Eames said. Ariadne had literally burst into the warehouse, an angry expression on her face.

"No," she snapped. "Arthur has just told me he likes fat girls!"

"Oh, I know," Eames said, idly. "Clearly he wants a cleavage to smother him and something to hold onto!"

"Well, I don't have either!" She burst out. "I'm too skinny for him!"

Eames looked at her. "Can be easily fixed."

"What?"

"I'm serious. It can be easily fixed."

"With what, reverse liposuction?"

"No…"Eames grinned. "Come with me…"

Arthur was sitting at his desk, banging a pencil on the top. Cobb frowned. "Please."

"I'm having a bad day," the Point Man responded.

"Well, I don't need to hear it," Cobb said, sharply. Arthur huffed, but dropped the pencil.

Suddenly, the door opened. Cobb turned, and then did a double take. "Jesus _Christ! _Ari, what happened? Did you get locked in a bakery and have to eat to get out?"

Arthur turned. The Architect was standing next to his desk, except that she was easily twice, if not three times the size she had been previously. He gulped.

"Is this chubby enough for you?" She asked, flirtatiously.

"Oh, God." The Point Man got to his feet, his tongue virtually hanging out. "Cobb?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"I'm taking the rest of the day off!" Grabbing Ariadne's hand decisively, he started to lead her to the door. "Come on!"

Eames walked in, chuckling. Cobb glared at him. "What have you done to our Architect? She looks like she's going to explode!"

Eames was collapsing in his chair, laughing. "Did you see the look on Arthur's face? I have a feeling he already did!"


	61. Chapter 61

**Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Ariadne rolled over., gasping a little. The fat suit was constricting – she felt hot, and unconmfortable. Not to mention she looked as though she were ten months' pregnant with quadruplets.

But Arthur had been insatiable all afternoon. No sooner had they stopped, then he'd been insisting they start again. He'd been quite happy to grab hold of her wherever he could, and purred in her ear as he'd stroked her side.

She turned to look at him. His eyes were closed. She sighed, longing to take off the cumbersome suit. She began to get up, only for him to reach over and grab at her.

"Don't go…" he mumbled. "I want to hold you again!"

She giggled, slightly. "I'm amazed you can get your arms round me!"

Arthur practically jumped on top of her. "Like this. Easily!"

He pulled her close, and she felt him press against the fat suit. She swallowed.

"Arthur…"

"Hmmm…?"

"I'm going to go and get changed out of…"

"Can't we go out together first?"

She stiffened. Was he suggesting they go out in public…with her dressed like this?

"Um…where?"

"Dinner? I know a great place, really romantic."

"Um, Arthur…?"

"Yes, Ari?"

"Haven't you noticed I'm a lot more-"

"Cuddly. Yes, I noticed." He reached over and started to curl up next to her again. "Its great."

She swallowed. "OK. What time?"

* * *

Later that evening, Arthur rang the doorbell. She opened it, noting he was wearing one of his best suits. All she'd been able to find that fitted over the fat suit was a black kaftan, and then she noticed it was nearly filled to capacity.

"You look great!" He grinned, and kissed her. The Architect swallowed. "So do you," she said, sincerely, letting him kiss her. "Let's go!"

Walking to the restaurant was a nightmare. Ariadne felt hot, and conspicuous, noting the stares that came their way. As they approached the restaurant, she noticed a couple of leggy blondes standing outside, dressed in tight fitting black dresses. She swallowed.

"Wow, he's gorgeous…"

"What's he doing with a blimp like _that?"_

Ariadne felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment. Arthur hadn't seemed to have noticed. They walked up the steps, and were greeted by the female hostess. Who, Ariadne noticed, bristling, was also giving Arthur an appraising once over.

"Welcome," she said, smiling. She looked at Ariadne and her eyebrows raised in astonishment. "Please follow me."

They were seated. Ariadne reached for a menu. She felt acutely conscious of people sneaking peeks at what was clearly a mismatched couple, and felt a burning desire to pull the fat suit off.

"Order what you like," Arthur commented. "Its on me!"

Ariadne swallowed. "Chicken salad is fine."

"Are you sure?" He lowered his open menu. "Are you sure that's enough for you?"

She looked at him. "Yes!"

"Its not as if she's going to waste away!" A rude voice at a nearby table snickered. Ariadne felt her cheeks growing warm.

"Yeah…is he intending to roll her home?"

"He'll have to, the size of her! Poor guy, imagine being stuck with _that!"_

Ariadne pushed back her chair. "I'm going," she said, hoarsely. "I'm not this size, and I refuse to sit here and listen to people make fun of me!" Her eyes brimming, she turned and literally ran out of the restaurant.

Arthur put his menu on the table, feeling slightly stunned. Then swallowing, he got up. As he turned to leave, he heard a voice.

"Hey buddy, don't worry! If she falls over, she'll just bounce!"

Arthur gritted his teeth and walked over. He looked at the obnoxious man, and noticed he had a cup of coffee in front of him. He smiled.

"Sorry, would you repeat that?"

"She'll bounce!" the man said, laughing at his own crudity. "Seriously, where do you take her clothes shopping? A warehouse for the Goodyear blimp?"

Arthur raised his eyebrows. Then, with a clever sleight of hand, the entire cup of coffee went steaming into the man's lap. He got up, cursing. Arthur turned and walked, determined to find his temporarily cuddlier Architect.


	62. Chapter 62

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

Ariadne fled the restaurant, tears filling her eyes. She couldn't believe what had just happened, and the deregotary remarks she'd had to listen to. As she walked out, she accidentally bumped into a couple who were holding hands.

"Hey, watch it, tubby!"

Ariadne felt herself go scarlet. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just-"

"Fat?" the girl sneered, and she and her boyfriend turned away, both laughing. "Probably just upset the restaurant ran out of food!" she tossed over her shoulder as a parting shot.

Ariadne couldn't stand it. Hailing a cab, she asked to be taken to her apartment, trying hard not to burst into tears. The driver looked at her sympathetically.

"You ok, hun?"

"No," she sniffled.

"Hey, come on. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be upset."

"Pretty?" She sniffed. "Have you seen the size of me?"

"Yes. You're cute." The driver looked at her. "Good skin, lovely face…hope your boyfriend realises that he's a lucky guy."

Ariadne swallowed. "Thank you."

"No problem." He stopped. "Here you go," he said, kindly. "Don't worry about the fare."

"Thank you," she said, gratefully. Getting out, she opened the door and walked up the stairs. The suit slowed her down, and she leaned onto the rail, gasping slightly. As she reached the top, her eyes widened. Arthur was sitting, slumped, outside the door. He smiled at her. "Hey."

"Arthur!" She was stunned. "I thought you…"

"Wouldn't feel ashamed?" He got up, swallowing. "Ari, I'm sorry. Really sorry. What happened to you tonight was just humiliating. At least when I wore one of those, I did so just to piss you off. You did it to please me." He swallowed. "I'm sorry."

She looked at him. "Shall we go inside?"

He nodded. As soon as they'd gone in, she pulled him into the bedroom, and they settled down comfortably together on the bed. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. She nestled in.

"Arthur?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you find fat girls attractive?"

"Why do you find fat guys to your taste?"

She looked at him. "Well, I just thought you'd be cute if you were…cuddly."

He raised his eyebrows. "Aren't I cuddly enough?"

"I think I just like some…softness," she admitted.

"OK." Arthur exhaled. "You'd prefer it if I were a little softer in the middle, right?"

She nodded. "Um…"

"More to hold onto?"

"Um…"

He pulled her closer. "Come here."

"Arthur."

"Yes, Ari?"

"Why do you find fat girls to your taste?"

Arthur exhaled. "Its just…I was an awkward teenager. The only girls who ever really gave me the time of day were the ones who slightly overweight." He looked at her. "They were funny, and interesting. And I suppose I do like some…softness on a woman."

She blinked. "Then why are you interested in me?"

"Because you're intelligent and funny. And you're cute."

She pulled him closer. "Arthur…"

"Yes…?"

"I've got an idea…"


	63. Chapter 63

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Pure crack. **

"An idea?" Arthur said, puzzled. "I really hope its not ' let me feed you until you expl-"

"Oh, no," Ariadne said quickly, looking shocked. "Its more-" she leaned over and whispered in his ear. Arthur started to grin.

"Its perfect, Ari. Perfect."

She smiled. "Shall we go and get it, then?"

"Arthur! Watch it!"

He looked up, grinning. "Ari. If you are going to cover yourself with maple syrup, and then insist I lick it off, you're going to have to cope with my tongue going into-"

"Its ok!" She protested, blushing. "Its ok."

"Good." He bent down and licked the inside of her knee. "Mmmm..."

She giggled. "I'll do it to you next!"

"Sure." He stretched out. "Come here." She curled into the crook of his arm. "Arthur, have you ever actually been out with someone whose fat?"

"Um...yes." He admitted. "I have."

"What was she like?"

"She was absolutely lovely." He pulled her close.

"You broke up?"

Arthur winced. "Yes."

"How?"

"We had an argument."

"What type of argument?"

Arthur sighed. "I was younger, and I was stupid. We are going back about five years."

"What happened?" She pressed.

"We went out for dinner. However, a couple of friends of mine were at the same restaurant, and saw us. They didn't know that we were dating." He winced.

"You didn't tell them?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because...I guess I was uncomfortable. I grew up with a mother who was always on a diet, and a sister whose stick thin, and so was I...I didn't feel I could tell people that I actually like someone whose cuddly."

"So what happened?" Ariadne pressed.

"Well..." Arthur paused. "She got upset, the way they were looking at us, and smirking, and I got annoyed. I asked to pay the bill, and we left. Then, on the way home, she confronted me."

"What did you say?"

"Well...she told me I was clearly embarrassed to be seen by her. I told her no. She said yes. Then I lost my temper, and said if she was that worried, she should go on a diet so I didn't have to be seen with a porker."

"Arthur!" Ariadne was shocked. "You didn't!"

"I did." He winced, and she saw his chin quiver.

"What happened?"

"She burst into tears, and practically ran away from me. I tried ringing the next day, no answer. I tried every day for two weeks, and then I decided to go over to her place."

"What did you find?"

"Her. About 20lbs lighter." Arthur shuddered. "She told me she'd been on a very low calorie diet, and she looked so thin...I just wanted to hold her, and-"

"Feed her?"

"Um, yes." Arthur looked at Ariadne. "Yes, I did."

"And did you?"

"I tried." He sighed. "She told me to leave."

"Maybe you should try and find her." Ariadne looked at him. "Try and apologise. You're a chubby chaser, you just couldn't admit it then."

"I think I should."

She leaned over and kissed him. He pulled her close, letting the syrup slide over him.


	64. Chapter 64

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. Apologies for the break in updating this one!**

Arthur sat down at his desk, and sighed. Eames had his head buried in his laptop.

"Morning," the Forger spoke. "Morning," Arthur replied, sounding flat and discontent. Eames looked up.

"What's with you?" He leaned back, raising his eyebrows. "Ariadne decided she prefers you lean and hungry, and has banned you from Krispy Kremes?"

Arthur scowled. "Eames."

"Just asking."

Arthur tilted back in his seat. He desperately wanted to talk to someone who had got into trouble for making offensive remarks - and then realised there was only one person to turn to. "Eames?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you...ever said anything that offended anyone else, that you regretted?"

"Yes!" Eames looked at him, bemused. "Unless its you, in which case _je ne regrette nien."_

Arthur ignored the insult. "I'm being serious."

"So am I."

Arthur lost patience. "Eames, I would like you to-"

"What is it?" The Forger turned, exasperated. "What is it now?"

"I insulted an ex-girlfriend once and I want to apologise to her," the Point Man burst out.

Eames' eyes narrowed. "You? Offended an ex-girlfriend?" He swallowed. "What happened?"

"Well, I-" Arthur paused. "I was going out with someone who was a little overweight, and I, er-"

"Tried to make her very overweight?" Eames was grinning.

"No." Arthur paused. "I told her that...she should go on a diet, and I didn't want to be seen with a porker."

"ARTHUR!"

"I know, I know," Arthur said, hastily. "It was wrong."

"Wrong?" Eames glared at him. "How about rude, cruel, and downright bloody unpleasant? So you ended your relationship with her and probably gave her an eating disorder."

Arthur winced. "I hope-"

"What?"

"I hope I haven't." The Point Man looked at the Forger. "Her weight never bothered me when we were together. It was when friends started pointing it out it got to me."

"You're too dependent on what other people think," Eames commented. "If you did go out with someone a bit fat, I'd probably think, 'oh, lucky Arthur, found a woman who obviously knows how to cook.'"

Arthur sighed. "Yep. And who could-" he started to blush. Eames grinned and turned away.

"Have you thought about finding her?"

"Yep." Arthur swallowed. "And then I could go and apologise."

"Indeed." Eames was nodding. "Chances are, she'll weigh less than six stone and cry at the sight of a sandwich, but, Artie, you could always help her out there..."

Arthur turned to his laptop, and started clicking the keys. Ariadne walked in, carrying a paper bag.

"Here we go!" she said, brightly. "One for you, and one for me!"

Arthur opened the bag, and pulled out a glazed crueller. "Mmm. Thank you." she leant down, and he kissed her.

Eames shook his head. "Oh well. People get happy together, they get fat together."

"We'll burn it off later," Arthur mumbled round a mouthful of crueller, causing Ariadne to blush, and then giggle.

"Whatever you say Artie. Have you found her?"

"Let's see...Alicia Haven...yes, I have!" Arthur looked at Eames. "She works in the city. In fact, I have her work address here!"

"Any photos of her?"

"No," Arthur shook his head. "I'll go round now!"

"Go for it," Eames nodded. "And if I were you, take a crueller."

"What, as a peace offering?"

"No," Eames shook his head. "So she can throw it at you!"

**Reviews are always welcome - thank you!**


	65. Chapter 65

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. **

Arthur twitched, nervously. Arranging to see Alicia had been difficult. He'd rung her workplace, not sure of the reaction he'd get.

"Hello," he'd said, smoothly, "May I speak to Alicia Haven please?"

"One moment," a disembodied voice had replied. A few seconds had passed, and then a connection.

"Hello?" A voice had replied. Arthur's heart had leapt.

"Alicia? Its Arthur-" he broke off.

"Arthur!" She sounded genuinely surprised. "Arthur, its been a long while! How are you?"

"Um...in the neighbourhood," he said, casually. "Do you want to meet up?"

"Of course. Tomorrow?"

"Sounds great!"

He swallowed. "See you tomorrow then!"

He hung up, turning to see Eames standing behind him. "Well," the Forger commented, "that was easy! What are you planning on doing?"

"I'm going to take her to lunch," Arthur said, decisively.

"Really?" Eames raised an eyebrow. "You're a total feeder, Arthur, you know that?"

Arthur glowered. "I am not. I just appreciate some-"

"I know, I know," Eames interrupted. "Now eat your doughnut, and shut up."

* * *

Arthur stood in the lobby of the office block Alicia worked in. He realised the receptionist kept on smiling at him, and he decided to avert his eyes. Suddenly, he looked up.

A slightly plump young woman was walking across the lobby. His eyes widened, and he stood up, smiling. On impulse, he opened his arms.

"Oh, its so good to see you!" he breathed, hugging her. He heard a cough behind him.

"Um, Arthur?"

His eyes opening wide, he relinquished his grip on the other woman, who was looking at him in astonishment. "Do I know you?" she choked out, taking in his appearance. He blushed. "Er, no."

"A guy like you hugging me..." she muttered, then walked past. Dying of embarrassment, Arthur turned to face Alicia.

"Its good to see you-" his voice broke off.

When he'd last seen Alicia, she'd been overweight. Now, he realised, she was thin. Very thin.

"You-um-lost a lot of weight", he croaked out, feebly. She smiled at him.

"Oh, I have you to thank for that!"

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Well, you did point out that I was a-" she looked at him - "porker, that was the word you used, right?"

Arthur would have given anything for a shotgun. So he could turn it on himself. "I know, but-" he stopped. He had called her that. And there was no way he would ever be able to take it back. He looked at her. Swallowing, he remembered how much he'd enjoyed hugging her when she was larger.

"Still, it doesn't matter, I'm a size four!" She smiled, and Arthur winced. Her face seemed too full of teeth.

"So, do you want to go for lunch?" he asked, feebly. She looked at him in astonishment.

"Lunch?"

"Yes, its a meal you eat in the middle of the day," he said, suddenly feeling irritation mixed with concern. "Let's go!"

She blinked, and then allowed him to take her arm. "If you insist...

"Trust me, I do," he mumbled, steering her out of the revolving doors. "You look like you need it!"

She looked at him. "I do?"

"Yes." He suddenly felt a strange rush of protectiveness mixed with anger at himself. _Eames was right, _he cursed himself. They lapsed into silence, until they were seated opposite each other at a nearby restaurant.

"OK," he said, handing her a menu. "Its on me!"

She looked at him. "Arthur, is there a reason for this?"

"Well, I thought I'd see how you are," he said, trying to keep his feelings contained. He gently nudged the bread basket towards her. "Do you want some?"

"Oh, no," she said, shuddering. "I never eat bread. Makes me bloat."

Arthur swallowed. "OK..." he looked at her again. "A martini, or something?"

"Oh, no." She shook her head. "Empty calories, Arthur!"

Arthur took a deep breath. "Right. So...what do you eat?"

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I assume you eat - oh, don't worry," he said hurriedly, as a waiter approached. "Can I have a steak with peppercorn sauce please, and a salmon en croute?"

The waiter nodded. "Of course."

"Er, no," Alicia broke in, "just a green salad, please. No dressing."

The waiter nodded. "Certainly."

Arthur looked at her. "Just salad? You love encroute!"

"Yes, Arthur," she snapped. "I did. Five years ago, when I was a whale!" she glared at him.

"Nothing wrong with whales!" Arthur snapped back. "They're loveable! Skeletons are just bony things!"

"Are you calling me a skeleton?"

"Well, what would you call yourself?" Arthur burst out. "You're a size four, and it doesn't suit you! You are too thin! I preferred you when you were-"

"Fat?"

"Yes!" He looked at her directly. "At least then you had a personality! I could go out with you and we could actually talk, and you didn't spend the entire meal obsessing about the calories you don't intend to eat!"

"Did you ask me out so you could try and feed me?" Her face was scarlet with anger. "There's a name for men like you!"

"Yeah," Arthur snarled back, "its called generous!"

"Why, you-" she glared, and pushed her chair back. "Five years ago, you called me fat. Now you think I'm too thin. You're impossible, you know that!"

"I'm not!" Arthur stood up, facing her across the table. "I'm sorry for what I said! Truly! I know it was hurtful! And the truth is...I've regretted it ever since! I'd rather you were huge than in the state you're in now!"

She looked at him. "Did you just say-"

"Yes," Arthur said, tiredly. "I wish I'd never said what I did, and frankly, I liked you when you were more cuddly. Thats it."

"Oh." She sat down.

"So," Arthur said, biting his lip, "do you want any bread?"

She swallowed, and looked at the basket. "Maybe one piece won't hurt..."

He smiled at her. "Trust me, it won't."

**Please review - it is appreciated!**


	66. Chapter 66

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me.**

Arthur walked back into the office, and Eames looked up. "Well, how did it go? Did you need a fork lift truck to get her in the restaurant?"

Arthur scowled. "You're so crude."

"Nothing wrong with a bit of flesh on a girl," Eames retorted. "So, is she-"

"She's thin." Arthur sat down. "Thin, Eames." His mouth turned down. "All my fault. I call her a porker, and she goes on a starvation diet. I could shoot myself, I really could."

"And what did you do?" The Forger looked interested.

"Well, I er, offered to buy her lunch..."

"Just five courses of it?" The older man started to laugh. "Honestly, Arthur, you really are a total feeder! Admit it, you see a woman on the thin side and immediately think 'hmmm, how many chocolate bars can I force her to have?" He was laughing. "Is your ultimate fantasy strapping a woman to a bed and going, 'here, have a bit more? And if you have all the chocolate pudding I'll let you do -"

"EAMES!" Arthur reddened. "I don't. I just-"

"Just what?"

"Just don't think a woman should have to starve herself to get a man's attention," he retorted. "I mean, its ridiculous. If I wanted to go out with a corpse, I'd dig one out of the graveyard!"

"Ooh, Artie!" Eames looked at him. "You know, you should start a new career!"

"Such as?"

"Well, set up a clinic for anorexics." Eames turned back to his crossword. "You could try and persuade them to eat by promising them the more they ingest the more you'll flash your dimples!"

Arthur glared. "Not funny."

"Oh, come on!" Eames was starting to laugh. "It is funny! You've discovered the real you! A chubby chasing feeder who clearly won't be happy until every woman he encounters is a size 30!"

"Eames!"

"Well, maybe a size 24." Eames winked at him.

"Look, I don't want to make anyone obese," Arthur protested. "I just think that you should encourage someone to feel good about themselves."

"And this ex of yours, did you do that?" Eames looked at him.

"Not all the time," Arthur admitted, blushing.

"I knew it!" Eames said, triumphantly. "What did you do?"

Arthur coloured slightly. He vividly remembered taking Alicia on dates, and happily ordering burgers or pizza whilst she ate salad. He remembered trying to encourage her to order something "more substantial."

"I can't!" She'd protested. "Its ok for you - you can eat that all day and still be thin!"

"I know!" he said, smirking. "Its great!"

"If I do that, I won't be able to get through the door!"

"Never mind!" He'd said, grinning. "I don't mind more to love!"

She'd glared at him for that. He swallowed, remembering. Eames smiled at him.

"Listen, Artie," he said, gently, "maybe you and Ariadne can come to an arrangement."

He looked at Eames. "Such as?" He shrugged. "Problem is, we're very similar. She's a feeder, I'm a feeder. She likes me cuddly, I'd prefer her more cuddly."

"Cuddly?"

"Not obese, ok?" Arthur glared.

Eames grinned again. "I wasn't saying make each other obese. Now, listen up. I've got an idea. And it means you can rest easy with Ariadne and also patch things up with your ex..."

**All readers and reviews appreciated, thank you!**


	67. Chapter 67

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me.**

Arthur sat nervously in the restaurant. Ariadne patted his hand. "It'll be ok," she said, reassuringly. Arthur swallowed.

"I hope so," he said, turning to her. "This was Eames' idea, after all."

Ariadne smiled. "That you call your ex and invite her on a blind date with us and Eames?"

Arthur nodded. "Oh, Eames thinks it'll be a way to make her more body confident...by persuading her to go out with him."

Ariadne grinned and picked up her water glass. "Well, it'll be interesting!"

Suddenly, another young woman appeared, looking uncertain. "Is that-" Ariadne asked.

"It is!" Arthur got to his feet, and waved. "Alicia!"

She approached them. Ariadne looked at the other woman - she was, she thought, very attractive, but she could see what Arthur meant about her being artificially thin.

"Hello," She said, uncertainly. She looked at Ariadne. "You must be...Ariadne?"

"Thats right," she said, quickly. "Really nice to meet you."

She nodded, and sat down. "You too."

Conversation faltered, and Arthur swallowed. This, he felt, could be difficult. Alicia looked at her plate.

"So, um, you and Arthur know each other from High School?" Ariadne said, to break the awkward silence.

"Yes." Alicia looked at her plate. "I've changed a bit since then."

Arthur took a swallow of water. "I agree."

She looked at him. "Whats that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you used to be-"

"Fat," she said, sharply. Arthur lapsed into silence, and Ariadne felt awkward. She bit her lip. Suddenly, a familiar voice broke the tension.

"Well, Arthur! This is Alicia?" Swooping down, the Forger took her hand. "Well, you're lovely," he commented. "And he let you get away?"

She blushed, and Arthur looked at his plate. "Thanks, Eames," he mumbled. He picked up a menu. "Shall we order?"

"Thats very like you, Arthur," Eames said, grinning. "Thinking of food!"

Alicia sighed. "Don't remind me."

"What?" Eames turned to her. "Do tell!"

Alicia sighed and raised an eyebrow. "Well, Arthur could pretty much eat the entire menu three times and stay a rake - right, Art?"

Arthur went scarlet. "Um, Alicia-"

"Not the case anymore," Eames interrupted.

"What?" Alicia looked surprised.

"Well, when these two got together," Eames said, grinning. "She fed him. And before long he was turning into a right fatarse!"

"Eames!" Arthur hissed, turning scarlet.

Ariadne nodded. "Its true," she said, looking at Alicia. "He gained 10lbs in a month!"

Alicia looked at Arthur. "Really?"

He blinked. "Well..."

"Really?" He gripped the edge of the table.

"Oh, ok!" He said, exasperated. "Its true! I did! Now can we order?"

Alicia bit her lip, and caught Ariadne's eye. The two smiled at each other.

"Its allright, " Ariadne said, patting Arthur's knee. "I don't mind you cuddly!"

Arthur smiled, more of a grimace. "Very comforting." He looked at Alicia. "Look, what I said to you five years ago - I was stupid, and I was cruel, and I'm sorry. Really. But, please, stop starving yourself." He leaned back in his seat. "Deal?"

She nodded. "Deal."

Eames gestured to the waiter. "Service, please!"

**All reviews appreciated, I like to know whose reading! Thank you!**


	68. Chapter 68

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. **

"Do you want some more?"

"Oh, that would be good."

"OK, here it comes!"

Arthur felt the cold smoothness of the spoon enter his mouth, and licked round it, savouring the Haagen Dazs it contained. "Oh, that was good." He leaned back against the pillows. "Just what I needed."

Ariadne smiled. "Just what I needed!"

He leaned forward. "You haven't got me to eat the pot!"

She giggled, and held out the cardboard container. "No, don't worry!"

Arthur reached over and took her hand. "Well, if you feed me, you know I need to be exercised." Without pausing, he pulled her on top of him. "Come on!"

"Arthur!" she giggled as he began to kiss her neck. "If I'd known you were feeling like this..."

"Well, you invite me over for dinner, try and feed me six courses, did you really think I wasn't going to want to burn it off?"

She put the pot of ice cream aside, and cuddled down closely to him. "Now you mention it..." She sighed, and he began to pull the covers up, and over them, bathing in their closeness and the dim glow of the lamp. "Not that I'm trying to make you fat, of course-"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Don't even go there!" He scowled slightly. "I still have a couple of suits from when I gained 10lbs!"

She sighed. "But you were all-"

"I know. Cuddly!" he nodded. "And, yes, I admit, I prefer you with a little extra as well..."

"But neither of us like gaining it." He sighed. "Still-" he turned his head, and narrowed his eyes - "where are you going?"

Ariadne had slid out of the bed, and was heading for the closet. "I'm just going to get-"

Arthur sat up. "Ari, are you-" suddenly, his fat suit landed on the bed. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

She smiled, coquettishly. "Would you put it on?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "You want me to wear this?"

"Please." She fluttered her eyelashes, which caused him to grin. "Would you?"

He sat up, and shook his head. "Only if you put yours on. If you want me to be fat, well it works both ways!"

Ariadne pouted. "Arthur, I sometimes think you'd be happier if I was a size 30!"

He shrugged. "Yes, and I think you'd love it if I had a 70 inch waist and was getting stuck in the door! That's the problem!" He looked at her face. "Am I right?"

She blushed. "Well, I-"

"Look, just find yours, ok?" He leaned back. "If you're going to enjoy me being huge, I'm going to enjoy you!"

She walked over, and kissed him. "Arthur...you know you're gorgeous to me, whether you wear it or not."

He reciprocated. "And I feel the same way."

"So why are we so ashamed of the fact we don't mind if the other is heavier?"

Arthur paused, and swallowed. "Because society says we shouldn't like each other like this." He shrugged. "That's why."

Ariadne, clutching her fat suit, flopped on the bed, sighing. "So what do you suggest?"

Arthur smiled. "We get up, put these on, and go out together, wearing them. Oh, and we eat in public."

Ariadne's eyes widened. "You're serious?"

Arthur's smiled broadened into a grin. "Absolutely. Let's get ready!"

**Thank you for reading, reviews appreciated!**


	69. Chapter 69

**Disclaimer: Inception does not belong to me. **

Arthur turned, and looked at himself in the mirror. He was more...substantial than he'd looked earlier that evening, he decided. He bit his lip, hoping the seam on his suit wouldn't burst at the end of the meal.

"Ari? You ready?"

Ariadne stepped out, uncertainly. She was wearing a black kaftan, and Arthur grinned. "You look great."

"You mean, I look bigger," she retorted. She looked at herself. "Still, you don't look...too bad."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why, thank you. Come on, let's go. I booked a table for half eight." Sliding his hand into hers, and locking fingers, they began to leave.

* * *

Arthur smiled happily as he walked down the street, Ariadne's hand in his. He completely ignored the stares the couple were getting.

"Wow, look at those two," he heard a woman whisper to her male companion. "Promise me we won't get like that!"

"Hey, fatass!" The man shouted. "Put your girlfriend on a diet! And join her!"

Ariadne blushed. Arthur's grip tightened on her hand. "Keep going," he muttered.

They kept walking. A few other passers by resorted to whistling and cat calls, but Arthur kept his composure. Finally, they entered the restaurant, the maitre d' blinking as they entered.

"Sir?" he said, pleasantly, trying to hide his look of surprise. "May I help you?"

"I have a reservation," Arthur responded. "Ogilvie, for half eight?"

"Oh, yes." The maitre d' looked slightly embarrassed. "But..."

"What's the problem?" Arthur asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Well...its against a wall." The maitre d' blushed. "I'm not sure-"

"That we'll fit?" Arthur asked, his eyes flashing. "If you think we're too fat to fit in your restaurant, we can always go-"

"No, no, its fine!" the maitre d' said, hurriedly. "It will be fine. Please, this way!"

Scowling, Arthur followed the other man, Ariadne closely behind him. She was growing increasingly conscious of her seeming rotundity, in a room where many of the women appeared to be pencil thin.

"Please, take a seat," the maitre d' said, almost huffily. Arthur nodded as he handed them the menus. "Thank you."

Arthur smiled at Ariadne. "I'd forgotten how hot these were," he said, apologetically. "You ok?"

"Just a little...self-conscious," she murmured. "Arthur, I'm so fat in comparison to the other women here!"

Arthur leaned over the table and took her hand. "You're the most beautiful woman in this room," he said, sincerely. "And-" he blinked.

"What is it?"

Arthur was looking at a couple seated not too far away from them. The man - pale, thin, and clad in a black suit - was talking aggressively to his female companion.

"Dessert really isn't a good idea for you," he said, smirking. "Haven't you eaten enough already?"

She blushed. "I had salad," she replied, quietly. "I think-"

"Look!" He snapped. "Do you want to end up like those two?" he jerked his thumb at Arthur and Ariadne. "Poor guy must wake up every morning and wonder what he did to deserve such a blimp! And what happened to him, too!"

She blushed. "I-well-"

"Is there a problem?"

The obnoxious man blinked. Arthur was standing next to the table, smiling.

**Thank you for reading, reviews appreciated!**


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